Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Support Group

This community is a place where you can share your long distance challenges and triumphs, vent, give long distance tips and ideas, or just get support from people like you who are going through the same thing. Whether you live a couple hours away or a couple continents away, the specific challenges that face a long distance relationship are unique and difficult.

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/ Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Support Group

It Never Works In The End

rainBowsLoveMe
rainBowsLoveMe
I don't know if I should write something so personal on here, but I really just feel like getting this all out on somewhere where he won't see, other than just writing it in a book and I guess in a way I want people to see it. My ex is an asshole. We were so nice together for a year ago, then he broke up with me after dating for 6months after I gave him my virginity. I didn't talk to him for 5months until I broke down in the end and contacted him. I had so much resentment it was a horrible emotional roller coaster trying to "fix" things. Even after I don't know how long of talking, I still can't come close to getting over it, or somewhat forgiving him. It hurts too much. It was such a betrayal of my trust and love for him. I told myself that I would never become one of those statistics and that I would give myself to someone that I love and trust, but the complete opposite happened.... It was such a horrible experience for me. I still cry about it after a year that's how much it hurts. I think I blame myself for the emotional turmoil when trying to fix our "relationship", but it's not my fault.... I didn't cause this... I didn't cause my depression, my withdrawal from him, he did by betraying me, but everytime I try and leave, I either get sucked in by my own self or him. I don't want it anymore. I'm almost never happy now. I've been miserable ever since we've been broken up. I don't want to lose him, but a relationship I think is completely out of the Q. He recently went out of town and because I haven't contacted him(I stopped paying for a cellphone like over 4months now I think)and now he's making me feel guilty. "Alright... it's okay I understand. I read through your hugs and it's making sense now... I really needed to talk and you didn't even try and you're hung up on other things. Hope things go well for you" That's what he told me. He always does this hot and cold shit and I'm completely tired of it. I'm reaching that point, as you can tell by what he says, where I just don't care to talk to him anymore because I'll play the clingy person, but he won't respond because "he's busy", but then when I don't chat him up then it's "oh my god, I wanna talk to you so bad. why aren't you talking to me." No. I don't play fucking head games. Not anymore. Sorry this was so long.
BabyMonkey
BabyMonkey
If you really feel that the relationship you have with him whatever it may be needs to be over then I think you should lose contact with him all together. Lose his number, get a new phone number, do whatever you have to do to lose all contact with him so u are not tempted to go back to him. You definitely make it seem like this is not a healthy thing for you so i think it needs to stop. Maybe go see a counselor to help deal with the lose of him if need be until u can get onto ur feet. I think u should see one anyways to get past your feelings of losing ur virginity to him also. I would feel completely the same way if that happened to me. I too waited to have sex. The thing is tho we will never know if we are with the person we will be with for life. There is no telling even if we get married things happen people change situations change. Do no be mad at urself for giving yourself to him. In a way too some people tend to make their virginity into like an entity type thing like me and u it would seem. A therapist would be able to help you cope with losing your virginity to this man and the feelings you have surrounding it.

You need to take care of yourself. You had no way of knowing he was going to turn out this way. You are the most important thing in the situation. You obviously loved him at the time you had sex so u did wait for someone you loved. Dont punish yourself cuz things changed. You are still you. You loved soemone and they hurt you but you are still you. He did not physically take something away from you. Dont let him take you mentally. Let him rot, u go on and let him have regrets. Dont let him think he took anything from you! You are a strong person whether it feels that way or not! I hope you can get thru this all, i know you will!
rainBowsLoveMe
rainBowsLoveMe
Thank you... You have no idea how much I needed to hear all of that..
BabyMonkey
BabyMonkey
Your welcome =)
deleted_user
deleted_user
((Hugs))

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I really am. You mentioned in your post everything YOU tried to do to fix your relationship wtih this guy. My question is, what the hell has HE done? You can't be in a relationship by yourself and you deserve someone who is going to put forth as much effort as you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Anything less is truly a waste of time.

It sounds like you feel "obligated" in a sense to be with him because he was your first. Don't settle just because of that. We all wish certain things would have worked out differently in our lives, but they seldom do. You live and learn and will be better prepared for next time. This doesn't make you a failure in any way. Best of luck to you; I know you'll get through this...you already made the first crucial step of knowing that you have to walk away.It'll get better in time.