Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Support Group
This community is a place where you can share your long distance challenges and triumphs, vent, give long distance tips and ideas, or just get support from people like you who are going through the same thing. Whether you live a couple hours away or a couple continents away, the specific challenges that face a long distance relationship are unique and difficult.
I am looking for advice and encouragement from women and men that have been through or are going through similar long distance relationship situations.
I will do my best to summarize this.
My boyfriend is not an emotional type. He doesn't use words of affirmation much toward me. He just isn't the type to be "feely" with his words. However, I feel like if I have to ask for a compliment, it's not really a compliment. I like to hear him say things from the abundance of his heart.
My boyfriend and I have been together since 2012 (3 years). Keep in mind, I have an eight year old son involved too. 2 years of our relationship have been long distance. He moved to obtain his masters degree. May 2015, he graduated and found out that he was accepted into med school all in one day! He has been overwhelmed with excitement. I have loved seeing him this way!
After waiting for him for two years and not knowing what to expect after that, it is clear now that I will be waiting for another 4 years and possibly more than that.
I'm not exactly sure of what I am experiencing right now. All I know is I am an emotional over thinker. I have a 9 to 5 job that bores me. That gives me too much time to think. I take a full time course load and am working toward my bachelors degree, but I am out for the summer so that leaves too much thinking room. I feel like I am completely obsessed with this relationship.
I adore my boyfriend, but because he doesn't put the thought into this relationship that I do, I feel he doesn't adore me. I need him, but does he really need me? Does he appreciate me? Do I come second to him "becoming a doctor, will it always be that way? I can love and support him. I can wait for however long I have to on this journey because I know without a doubt that I love him and want to be his wife one day. For some reason, I don't think he appreciates that about me. As a man, wouldn't you feel pride and encouragement in knowing you have a woman that will never leave your side and be as understanding as possible through two years of master and the four years of med school hell that you are going to experience? I want to be appreciated without asking for it.
A little more than a month ago, he broke up with me because I had "jealousy issues". I will admit, I was obsessively jealous. He has never cheated on me and has always tried to show me as much respect as possible when I went on my crazy rants. One crazy rant too many... he broke up with me. I was hurt... all my hopes and dreams with him were shattered. My son calls him "daddy" so you can image how crushed I was. Long story short here, we are back together and he told me he never really had intentions of leaving me for good. He was stressed with trying to graduate, work, and trying to get into med school at the time. I added pressure on him because of my assumptions and jealousy. He pushed me away to relieve some of that pressure he was feeling from every angle. I understand that now, but it made me question... Will he do this again? Does he really value me and my place in his life? If he could push me away that easily, does he really consider me as a prize in his life?
Right now, things are good. He is making an effort to communicate more. He texts, gchats, and has skyped with me. He tells me what he is doing and where he will be so that I don't wonder or expect from him when he is busy. He tells me he loves me, calls me "sweetie", "babe", etc. This sounds childish, but he even tags me in his facebook and instagram posts. He even made his profile picture one of us kissing after we found out he got into med school (a moment we will never forget).
I have told him over and over how proud I am of him and his accomplishments. I told him that he motivates me to want to do more in my life and make him proud too. He said "you already make me proud!".
Am I thinking too much? Am I just not being understanding of the male mind? Do I just need to just focus less on the negative and more on the positive?
I will do my best to summarize this.
My boyfriend is not an emotional type. He doesn't use words of affirmation much toward me. He just isn't the type to be "feely" with his words. However, I feel like if I have to ask for a compliment, it's not really a compliment. I like to hear him say things from the abundance of his heart.
My boyfriend and I have been together since 2012 (3 years). Keep in mind, I have an eight year old son involved too. 2 years of our relationship have been long distance. He moved to obtain his masters degree. May 2015, he graduated and found out that he was accepted into med school all in one day! He has been overwhelmed with excitement. I have loved seeing him this way!
After waiting for him for two years and not knowing what to expect after that, it is clear now that I will be waiting for another 4 years and possibly more than that.
I'm not exactly sure of what I am experiencing right now. All I know is I am an emotional over thinker. I have a 9 to 5 job that bores me. That gives me too much time to think. I take a full time course load and am working toward my bachelors degree, but I am out for the summer so that leaves too much thinking room. I feel like I am completely obsessed with this relationship.
I adore my boyfriend, but because he doesn't put the thought into this relationship that I do, I feel he doesn't adore me. I need him, but does he really need me? Does he appreciate me? Do I come second to him "becoming a doctor, will it always be that way? I can love and support him. I can wait for however long I have to on this journey because I know without a doubt that I love him and want to be his wife one day. For some reason, I don't think he appreciates that about me. As a man, wouldn't you feel pride and encouragement in knowing you have a woman that will never leave your side and be as understanding as possible through two years of master and the four years of med school hell that you are going to experience? I want to be appreciated without asking for it.
A little more than a month ago, he broke up with me because I had "jealousy issues". I will admit, I was obsessively jealous. He has never cheated on me and has always tried to show me as much respect as possible when I went on my crazy rants. One crazy rant too many... he broke up with me. I was hurt... all my hopes and dreams with him were shattered. My son calls him "daddy" so you can image how crushed I was. Long story short here, we are back together and he told me he never really had intentions of leaving me for good. He was stressed with trying to graduate, work, and trying to get into med school at the time. I added pressure on him because of my assumptions and jealousy. He pushed me away to relieve some of that pressure he was feeling from every angle. I understand that now, but it made me question... Will he do this again? Does he really value me and my place in his life? If he could push me away that easily, does he really consider me as a prize in his life?
Right now, things are good. He is making an effort to communicate more. He texts, gchats, and has skyped with me. He tells me what he is doing and where he will be so that I don't wonder or expect from him when he is busy. He tells me he loves me, calls me "sweetie", "babe", etc. This sounds childish, but he even tags me in his facebook and instagram posts. He even made his profile picture one of us kissing after we found out he got into med school (a moment we will never forget).
I have told him over and over how proud I am of him and his accomplishments. I told him that he motivates me to want to do more in my life and make him proud too. He said "you already make me proud!".
Am I thinking too much? Am I just not being understanding of the male mind? Do I just need to just focus less on the negative and more on the positive?
Right now, it sounds like his priority is higher education, above all other things. Does he have any other interests or activities outside of you and school? And do you have other passions? You said that you have a son, and I bet you dedicate a lot of time to him. What are your dreams for how your boyfriend might fit into your current life? Maybe it would help you to feel more confident in the relationship if you were able to freely express these ideas and hopes, and get some validation that he wants these same things - or doesn't. Sometimes we can operate out of fear - fear of losing the relationship we worked so hard to hold, fear of rejection, fear of being unlovable. That's why I liked what you said about focusing on the positive. What is positive about your relationship? Can that be enough for YOU, even if HE values different attributes of what the two of you offer each other? For example, you alluded to his presence in your life being important because your son loves him. What if being a father to your son is not something that motivates him to be in your relationship? Would you still be ok with that? I'm asking because I have wondered these same things for myself. I want someone who adores me, like you want. But I want that not only because it feels good, but because that is what I have to offer (thus I want the return on my investment to be the same, whether that's the right thing to want, or not).
These are hard questions, but if you two can talk openly about them, you might be able to spare each other a lot of stress and disappointment over the next few years.
Sending love & light,
USMarineGF