Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Support Group

This community is a place where you can share your long distance challenges and triumphs, vent, give long distance tips and ideas, or just get support from people like you who are going through the same thing. Whether you live a couple hours away or a couple continents away, the specific challenges that face a long distance relationship are unique and difficult.

1,597 Members

1,336 Posts

0 Online

mastermole 08/04/2013

Ok so for the past 4 months I have had an online relationship with a girl that I met. We pretty much live on other sides of the world.

I wold never have been the person to have romance online as I would be skeptical about it. However, this relationship blossomed online and we really did become close. Genuinely we were both into each other and I planed a trip to visit her at the end of August.

The last month though I discovered that she had been seeing another guy and sleeping with him. I pretty much ended the relationship but she is devastated.

I had told her that if we slept with somebody once its not a big deal, its a long time to wait and 1 night can happen if you are out or something. But I told her i couldn't accept if there was a continuous relationship happening. She lied to be for over a month about it as I had sensed a change and asked her if she was seeing someone.

She says it was nothing just fooling around and she doesn't have strong feelings for him. I kind of believe her but I can't get over the lying for so long. I don't know how she managed to do that. I have absolutely no trust in her now. She is genuinely in pieces now because I ended it and is sorry. She really had imagined a future with me as did I. I am really hurt right now, everything I told her was important we didn't do before we met and she threw it in my face. I was thinking I was crazy imagining a problem and getting jealous. I even posted in the jealousy forum here that I thought I had a problem imagining a partner cheating.

I have booked flights that can be refunded. Right now I'm not going but there is a small glimmer of hope in my heart. I have no trust right now. She swears she can rebuild my trust, regrets what she did, and would never do it again. She is seriously beggin me to give her another chance.

I suppose I'm wondering is it possible for me to forget about what she did? I don't think I could even go a day now without getting paranoid about what she is doing. I feel like it's me thats going to have to make so much effort to get passed this when its her that caused all the problem.

Anybody got any advice or words to say I would appreciate.

deleted_user 08/05/2013

"She says it was nothing just fooling around and she doesn't have strong feelings for him"

Do you really want to be with someone whose been fooling around? If it happened once, it will happen again. What about the next guy she feels attracted too and you are 1000 miles away? Sexual Intimacy is a special thing, it should be conserved for the ones you truly love. My advice, move on. I understand its not what you want to hear right now but you deserve better. I recommend the 21 day rule - no communication - whatsoever for 21 days to this person and begin the healing process. We are all here for you & you'll make it through it.

-LDRTERP

mastermole 08/05/2013

Thanks, I think you're right. I went back and said I'd give her a chance. We spent all day on skype and some extremely difficult emotions came to the surface. I don't trust this person and never will. There is no point. The problem is I have an attachment to her. I need to make a clean break. But she keeps begging me to stay. I'm going to be stern and tomorrow end it I'll need a plan to stay away from the internet. There are so many ways to contact and check on a person. Just want her out of my life.

DocNLaw 08/05/2013

I would ask her if they were involved sexually and if not, this is something that you will be able to move forward with. LDR are challenging of course, but don't give up so easily, hang in there and give her one more chance, because if it were you, wouldn't you want another chance? as for forgetting, that's not possible, because you want to remember so that it won't happen again, so you are not suppose to forget, because #1 it can't be erased. Now, I will advise you to sincerely forgive, because when we forgive others, others can forgive us when we do wrong. Moreover, when you forgive don't hold on to it after you have forgiven her. Move forward and learn from the mistake and make sure it doesn't happen with you or her again. Also, if you choose to stay with her and forgive don't keep bringing back up her past flaws of what she did to you, for this will only lead you back into a break up. I hope this helps!

mastermole 08/07/2013

Thanks for the reply. I have spent the last few days jumping from dropping her to trying to move forward with her. Its been a bit of a rollercoaster. I decided to give her a chance. As you say, I would want the same. Also there was a time in another relationship where somebody gave me a chance for doing the same thing. So I would be a hypocrite for not doing the same thing.

I realised how much I care for her and it was extremely difficult to leave her. Also I could see her remorse. She is definitely sorry and I'm convinced she doesn't ever want to do it again. But actions speak louder then words. Its going to take time.
I will meet her in a few weeks and see how it goes.

Thanks again for comments they were helpful.

Razor91 08/14/2013

I wouldn't trust someone who has lied about something like that, you have to think what else could she be lying about. I wouldn't sleep with anyone (outside of the relationship) while in a relationship online or not, you should be fully committed and and push your urges to the side for that person if they mean anything to you, but that's my opinion.

starsunshine 08/20/2013

i could forgive because god is in my heart but i could never 4get . the memories of pain would make me suspicious of her every move . being in a ldr is no diffferent then any other relationship except the trust must b that much stronger to b faithful . can u reallly say u will b able to trust her ? do u live in seperate countries , by any chance ? just curious ..

Join the Conversation