Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Support Group
This community is a place where you can share your long distance challenges and triumphs, vent, give long distance tips and ideas, or just get support from people like you who are going through the same thing. Whether you live a couple hours away or a couple continents away, the specific challenges that face a long distance relationship are unique and difficult.
Hi everyone,
This is my first posting and general experience on any kind of LDR support group. I live in Chicago and my boyfriend of nine months lives in England. We met online in June and have spent eight weeks together in person thus far.
Generally, everything's been great. Considering the geographic distance and time difference that accompanies it, we manage to message and FaceTime regularly.
Yesterday, however, he went back home after visiting for three weeks. He lived with me here while I'm at college, so going from being together 24/7 to being long-distance again is a total readjustment. Essentially, I've been a complete mess since he left. This was surprising to me since I held it together fairly well after visiting him in England for a month over the holidays. We both agree that being the person staying is the hardest part.
As far as coping strategies go, I know the basics are distract yourself, think about the memories, etc. Frankly, it just hasn't been enough to make me feel better since he departed. We're seeing each other again in three months, but somehow I feel like we're back to square one- the waiting game.
If anyone has any other advice that I might benefit from, I'd appreciate it so much. Also, if anyone else out there is in an LDR with a person from the UK, I'd love to get in touch. It seems as though so few people are in similar situations as we are, and it's comforting talking with others who understand.
What works for me, is just accepting the total shittiness of the shitty situation at hand. The problem with all these "think positive" advice is that they kind of coerce you to think "hey it's not so bad...just distract yourself" blah blah. Those help, but only to a certain degree. And then you start feeling frustrated as to WHY you don't feel better etc. Don't. Just make peace with the fact that your situation is indeed, shitty and that you are indeed, back to square one. Accept it and move forward accordingly. Be sad, mope around, give your ownself time, space and acceptance to feel all these negative emotions too as they are a natural part of life. You don't HAVE to feel happy. It's ok to feel down in the dumps and still go about your life.
So for example, My bf and I won't be seeing each other for 8-9 months. Plus, being on opposite ends of the day makes communication really REALLY hard. Yeah it sucks. There is no positive side to that particular angle. But I love this guy and he loves me, so at some points if the relationship goes back to square one, then so be it. We'll restart at square one and move forward.
I also have to add I'm super impressed with your story. I thought a six hour time difference was hard, but over eleven hours is a completely different situation. Props on being so dedicated and making it work- it's so worth it when you find the right person.
Again, thanks so much for the insight. It's been about a week and I'm doing much better. :)
It's generally more active than this one. My first month of LDR was HORRIBLE and I struggled a lot. Support groups personally help me a lot. They may not be as helpful to you- we all have to find what works for us, but I wanted to suggest it just in case :)