Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Support Group

This community is a place where you can share your long distance challenges and triumphs, vent, give long distance tips and ideas, or just get support from people like you who are going through the same thing. Whether you live a couple hours away or a couple continents away, the specific challenges that face a long distance relationship are unique and difficult.

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what is wrong with me?

gabriel2012
gabriel2012
I met a woman through fb a year ago and we have been communicating since then, She lives two hours away from me but I can't dirve for the moment. She pursued me pretty aggressively. I was not so into her. But as I got to know her and talk more on the phone I started to really like her. We have been talking on the phone at least three times a day for the last 3months. Tonight she did not answer the phone for the first time and I am devastated. This happened just after our first weekend we actually spent the night together and we had sex, on her request. I know she probably fell asleep. She called me at 5 pm and then sent a message at 7 pm in fb. Then went to bed and is not answering the phone. The reason I am so desperate is because I feel she is not as invested in the relationship as I am. She comes from two abusive relationships. I feel she is emotionally unavailable. On the phone we are great, we talk for hours and we get along beautifully. It is truly magical. And that is also true when she visits. But then the next monday after a visit she feels we are moving too fast into a committed relationship. I told her that we could continue to be special friends and that calms her down and becomes more affectionate. But not very much. I don't know what to do. Some friends tell me to drop her but I am too involved with her emotionally to just give up. And tonight is the first night I will go to sleep without talking to her. I WOULD NEVER LET MYSELF MISS OUR NIGHT CONVERSATION. I would set an alarm clock if I decided to take a nap. I feel she just does not care enough. Am I overreacting?.
gabriel2012
gabriel2012
I feel I wont be able to sleep tonight. And i really need the rest. After her lukewarm reaction to what to me was a magical weekend I have not slept well.
gabriel2012
gabriel2012
What is really bothering me is that she probably woke up at some point but felt too tired to have our usual long conversation and decided to let it pass. So she is caring less about what was important to her. But she did call me at 5 pm and talked for an hour. and in the morning we talked for two hours. Again, am I overreacting? Or is she really losing interest, or does not have the same interest I have.
gabriel2012
gabriel2012
So she is sleeping well tonight and I am not. She could have called to tell me goodnight. Or maybe she just did not wake up. Its 11.15pm.
BabyMonkey
BabyMonkey
I think you may be overreacting. I wouldnt be so concerned when she doesnt call as there is most likely a good reason. I myself tho would have and sometimes still do have crazy ideas in my head as to why i dont get a txt back or why he says he will call then doesnt. There is normally always a good explaination.

I wouldnt be to aggressive towards her if you do ask what happened or what not cuz you dont want to scare her off.

When was the last time you talked to her?
BabyMonkey
BabyMonkey
Also it is normal for the communication to slow a bit i mean my bf and i at the beginning were crazy about it but it does get to be much cuz u end up having plans or having to do things at the times u normally talked. We used to fall asleep on the phone every night but that changed to some nights. It's just that life gets in the way. Maybe she did fall asleep i mean there has been times when my bf and i were supposed to talk and i fell asleep and when i woke up i was too tired to talk. Sometimes that is all it is u r just TOO tired to talk it doesnt mean she didnt want to talk to you.
gabriel2012
gabriel2012
`Thanks. I did overreact. She had a fight with her son. But there is more to this than this issue. I OFTEN FEEL I DONT GET ENOUGH FROM HER. She spends a lot of time on the phone with me or posts things on fb. Today I called her at an unusual hour and I told her I did it because I wanted to talked to her. She didn't say anything; Later she said she was bored because we had a wonderful weekend last week and now she is bored. I told her she could call or text me but she said she knew it was my nap time and did not want to disturb me. I ask her to text me anyway. I repeated I wanted to talk to her and she just said, I KNOW. I hate that. She is going through a period in which she told me we have to go slowly with our emerging relationship. I agree. But I feel so lonely often than I want more. I guess I should be grateful to have what i have right now with her and NOT PUSH HER. It is good to talk to her often and have her visit me. Maybe I should be less worried about what she doesn't say every moment, She has had only two relationships, both of abuse. So she is scared.
gabriel2012
gabriel2012
I miss her so much. I see that many of you have the same problem. LDRs are difficult. I can't rest properly. I am very tired. What do I do?
gabriel2012
gabriel2012
I feel something is missing. She says she needs time for the relationship to grow, but I feel what we need needs to include seeing each other. And that does not happen often enough. That is the problem with a LDR. It she lived nearby we would be a happy couple by now. But the distance is a problem. I talked to her four times on the phone but its not enough. I am so very very sad. Very sad. I don't know what to do.
gabriel2012
gabriel2012
Tonight I am in the same situation I was when I began this post. She is missing our nightly conversation again due to problems with her problematic 18 year old. So another night alone. I feel so sad for her. She is suffering and I can't be with her to calm her down. I would make such a huge difference. Some people are telling me to forget her. She is too far away and has problems. But I love her. Should I leave her and keep my simple and solitary life? I don't want to. But she is causing a lot of stress in my life. I have a medical condition and what I need is peace and rest. Boring.
awesomeself
awesomeself
You're going to have to take a deep breath, relax, and stop obsessing. I did that too, for awhile. I had to seriously learn to just BACK OFF because I was causing him stress. I know exactly what anxiety you're talking about, but I'm learning to at least try to keep busy with other things and give him a little breathing room. It is so very hard. If you love her, don't demand and expect - just keep busy with your life and let her have a little space so she doesn't feel pressured or rushed.
gabriel2012
gabriel2012
Thank you. She has lots of problems, with her son, her x, and when they come up she distances from me. Today she blew me off at lunch, our usual phone conversation and instead had lunch with her peers. She did not tell me this until 6, Then she told me she was going out tomorrow with her peers again from 4.30 until late and wont be able to talk to me at all. She is in a distance mode now. I don't lke these changes in her behavior. I get the idea of giving her space but I don't feel enough love for long enough. she is so stressed out about her problems she seems emotionally unstable. I WILL TRY TO BACK OFF TO SEE IF THAT WORKS. It doesn't help that I was clearly disappointed when she hung up tonight. she might interpret this as pressure. I fucked up.