Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Support Group

This community is a place where you can share your long distance challenges and triumphs, vent, give long distance tips and ideas, or just get support from people like you who are going through the same thing. Whether you live a couple hours away or a couple continents away, the specific challenges that face a long distance relationship are unique and difficult.

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nonnicruising 03/08/2012

so tonight as i was chilling out after work i was suddenly hit by a wave of emotion just how much I love my SO. (i know that love is not a mushy feeling) but i am also aware that emotions like this one play a part. what i do notice with the distance is we rarely are mushy like this at the same time. usually one of us is stressed about school or something. so what i am wondering is this the case even in normal relationships? where distance doesn't play a part do two people rarely feel that intense emotion together at the same time? or is this just another factor of the distance?

I am only asking because i have only had one other long term relationship and that was not normal nor heathy and very abusive. and then this one is long distance and my understanding of a relationship is a bit skewed, so would just like some advice please.

thanks

deleted_user 03/08/2012

There is no *normal* when it comes to people or relationships. All people are different, all relationships are different.

Partners don't always feel the same type emotions at the same time whether in a LDR or they're together all the time.

What is important IMO is that you each acknowledge and are supportive to each other with whatever emotions are there, mushy, anger, stress, sadness, happiness, excitement, etc.

nonnicruising 03/08/2012

thank your for your advice.
unfortunately i didn't get any acknowledgment of my email telling him how i felt. In fact he was grumpy as he had just had a bad day at school. so I got his grumpiness. so now i feel fairly nonchalant about it all right now as i didn't even get an acknowledgement. oh such is life of a LDR.

deleted_user 03/09/2012

You need to let your needs be known to him, let him know what you need when you feel emotional, sad, angry, happy, etc. He needs to let his needs be known to you also.

Good open, honest communication is essential in a relationship, LDR or in-person. No one can read another person's mind so unless we tell a partner what we need, there's no way they can know. You let a partner know what you would like to happen with whatever emotion you're feeling.

When my partner is feeling down, depressed, everything seems to be going wrong for him, I know what he needs from me. He needs some encouragement, he needs a hug, he needs me to listen to him. I know this because he's told me what he needs. When I'm down, depressed, things are going wrong, I need a hug or a kind word but then I need to be left alone with my thoughts, don't bother me, don't keep asking if I'm ok, just leave me go off into my space for a while. He knows what to do because I've told him.

Communication, letting each other know what our relationship needs are is very important. Neither partner can expect the other to just know what the other needs.

deleted_user 03/11/2012

"Normal" is such a relative term. With that being said, I oftentimes find myself in this situation as well. I'll go through periods of extreme stress that leaves me too physically and mentally exhausted to get all "mushy". Then when things calm down a bit I feel more like myself and will make those advances, if that makes any sense. I also find that as soon as we see each other, especially when we've spent a particularly lenthy period apart, that it takes me about a full day to get back into the swing of things again.

rainBowsLoveMe 03/14/2012

don't feel too bad about him not acknowledging your feelings.... i do the same to my SO because I have a hard time expressing my feelings and when he tells me how he feels in those bouts of "love feelings" I don't really know what to do. especially if I've had a stressful day or my mind happens to be elsewhere. It's just alot for me to handle. So maybe make him something that will show how you feel and send it to him? Anything that will just give the same feeling or even just tell him over the person or on skype. Like leather said, communication is key.

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