Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Support Group
This community is a place where you can share your long distance challenges and triumphs, vent, give long distance tips and ideas, or just get support from people like you who are going through the same thing. Whether you live a couple hours away or a couple continents away, the specific challenges that face a long distance relationship are unique and difficult.
Hi,
I'm new here but not new in DS. I was in Breakup & Divorce forum, then Loneliness forum. It's my 1st post in this forum.
I dont know whether Im just paranoid in this situation. It may result of a few bad breaks-up that I had before. I met this guy 3 months ago and we started dating 2 months ago. He is the 1st man who get good compliments from both my friends and my sister. My sister is 8 years older than me. She picks up on little behaviour and things and uses her gut feelings to judge. He is very nice. But we are in distance relationship.
This is not the 1st time I have a distance relationship. So Im always prepared for a break-up anytime. I try to take it cool because Im experienced breaks-up and very bad break-up before. So Im always ready for anything bad that could happen. But one thing that always scares me so much, though it seems illogical, irrealistic, really paranoid, which is: my zodiac is Scorpio, and he is Sagittarius. I dated 3 Sagittarius guys in the past, and they all ended the same way after a very short time.
It sounds silly. We only date for 2 months and everyday I have the same question: Is the break-up close yet? I know a rule: A relationship often take 6 months for both parties to consider whether they really want this partner or not. If it cant survive 6 months, then theres nothing else to hold on to.
For this relationship, therere so many things that I cant feel totally comfortable: the distance, the zodiac, my own fear... So I only give 20% of heart. I think about breaking up every day.
I'm new here but not new in DS. I was in Breakup & Divorce forum, then Loneliness forum. It's my 1st post in this forum.
I dont know whether Im just paranoid in this situation. It may result of a few bad breaks-up that I had before. I met this guy 3 months ago and we started dating 2 months ago. He is the 1st man who get good compliments from both my friends and my sister. My sister is 8 years older than me. She picks up on little behaviour and things and uses her gut feelings to judge. He is very nice. But we are in distance relationship.
This is not the 1st time I have a distance relationship. So Im always prepared for a break-up anytime. I try to take it cool because Im experienced breaks-up and very bad break-up before. So Im always ready for anything bad that could happen. But one thing that always scares me so much, though it seems illogical, irrealistic, really paranoid, which is: my zodiac is Scorpio, and he is Sagittarius. I dated 3 Sagittarius guys in the past, and they all ended the same way after a very short time.
It sounds silly. We only date for 2 months and everyday I have the same question: Is the break-up close yet? I know a rule: A relationship often take 6 months for both parties to consider whether they really want this partner or not. If it cant survive 6 months, then theres nothing else to hold on to.
For this relationship, therere so many things that I cant feel totally comfortable: the distance, the zodiac, my own fear... So I only give 20% of heart. I think about breaking up every day.
Did you ever hear of a self-fullfilling prophecy? If someone gets up in the morning and says this is going to be a lousy day, chances are it's going to be a lousy day because they alter their actions so their prediction does come true. If someone gets up and says this is going to be a great day, chances are they will have a great day because they alter their actions so their prediction comes true.
You assume something is going to happen, you think for sure it's going to happen and then it happens because you consciously or subconsciously made it happen by altering your behavior, your actions therefore making what you were sure would happen come true.
By reading your last sentence, you're doing exactly that......"So I only give 20% of my heart. I think about breaking up every day." With those thoughs and actions, the relationship is doomed before it even gets started. It's almost impossible for it to work out when you're doing everything in your power to work against it and make it fail instead of working with it to make it successful.
You've only been together for two months so far, so you're not expected to be "in love" with him yet. Obviously you care for him. Just concentrate on that. If you're meant to fall in love with him, eventually you will. It's not something you can control. But, if you don't open yourself up a little bit and stop thinking so negatively about the relationship, then you'll never know what could have been.
Wouldn't you rather look back on this and know that you tried your best, instead of always wondering if you let the person you were supposed to marry slip through your fingers because of some superstitions?
Give him (and yourself) a chance. :)
My first pregnancy ended due to having a miscarriage. This was after 2 years of trying to get pregnant, disappointment month after month and then finally our dream of getting pregnant and starting a family came true only to be crushed a few months later when that baby died. It hurt like hell, it felt like my heart was ripped out of me and stomped on but if I lived in fear and chose never to try and have a baby again because of the heart break and the hurt I/we had to deal with losing our first child, we wouldn't have the wonderful 2 sons we have now.
There are no guarentees in life, no one knows what tomorrow will bring to them or take away from them but when you live in fear and you keep that brick wall built up all around you, you're not living, you're merely existing. Don't allow the fear of possibly losing love prevent you from living, loving and being loved.
I've heard many people say when you're at the end of our life, it's not the chances you took that you'll regret, it's the chances and opportunities you didn't take that you'll regret. I believe that's very true.
Right now I just try to take it cool and not make a big deal of it. I never talk to my bf about my worry because he may think I'm insane with silly superstitions. So I try to take it slow and be cool with everything.
I don't know what else I can do. Sometimes, I want to ask God though I don't know whether God really exists. If he does, I'm sure he'll only say: You must find the answer yourself.
Well, I guess, if things fall apart for me again, then it'll just another story that I'll have to learn on this long road.