You need to be more aware of someone try to be friends and never pass someone up if they are talking to you or showing interest stay with the conversation, You need to make your self available so people to reach out to you Huggies Fibro

Dont be so critical

"All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears."

keep pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and b grateful 4 each & every opportunity & grab onto it . I wonder if u aren't shy like I am ..good luck for a full future .., warmly , starsunshine

It's a mix of a few things, I am usually shy around people I don"t know, throw a little self loathing in the mix and add to that the lasting effects of a tour at war. I feel like anyone who tries to start anything with me should get a warning ahead of time. The last girlfriend I had tried to wake me up from a bad dream by shaking me, I woke up in a panic and didn't know where I was and thought I was being attacked, I threw her through the closet doors before I realized where I was. It's been a long time since then, but I think I still have bad dreams, I'll wake up in the middle of the night and the cat is hiding in the spare room on the other side of the house. It's not often, but it happens.

Greetings Stoicism,

It seems like there are two separate issues.

1. Turning down someone specific.

2. Being unavailable overall.

You wrote, "there are some things about her that don't really fit into my lifestyle." So maybe it was a good decision to turn this specific opportunity down. Or not. It's not clear, but I wouldn't immediately strike it down as a bad decision to decline.

Time is really the most precious thing we have. Spending time with people who are not compatible is worse than spending time alone (in my opinion) because it can be draining. Also wastes time. Valuing your time is good.

As far as being unavailable overall-- first you should think about the kind of people you would like in your life-- their interests and their emotional qualities.

Are you the kind of person that they would find compatible?

Are you pushing these kinds of people away?

Or are you just not actively seeking these type out?

You wrote in your second post about bad dreams. This is completely understandable after doing a tour of war. Thank you for your service.

Pushing away people with reasons, being unavailable, ignoring people's interest.. Feeling detached also? Yes I know what you mean. I understand you. Been single for years and I'm the architect of my own loneliness. Let me know if you find a solution.

I wrote a long journal entry on my profile, about an event that has affected me and events to come that have defined me. I fear the repercussion of making it public, so its restricted to friends only.

You're a perfectionist, and life and relationships are not perfect!

could you please message me and tell me why? I think this is happening to me with the man I was trying to be with. I eventually had to give up because as much as he was horny and wanted a lover he absolutely will NOT make time to be together.

can you explain why to me please? you welcome to message me privately, thank you.