Try to forget the past...think only of today. I call it stuffing the stuff. I have had many terrible and traumatic things happen to me. I see it as a playback of a movie to detach myself from it. Many things I will not talk about as I have chosen to live for today. I can not change the past. What is done is done.

Try to get out today...even for a short walk. You will feel better. Go get a corn dog .Make yourself do it..

thanks once again.

shoveling snow at 6 this morning felt good. walking 2 miles from walmart yesterday was ok....though a dozen kids jogging on a back road, with no sidewalks, and traffic slowing down cause of them.

Thursday, in the library, i was looking at yearbooks from 1970s; ex-classmate in track club photo---he died a few years ago from prostate cancer. if its not some franz kafka mood for me, its marcel Proust's "time regained", of everything reminding me of something else.

maybe its post-Christmas blues....or my cat throwing up.

Yeah the winter blues will do that especially if it is too cold or snowy to get out. But, like you said just getting out for a little while does seem to help.

Is there any way you can get yourself moved up on that waiting list? It doesn't hurt to ask. The stress of being in that neighborhood...the fear of being robbed...the harassment from men you fear may harm you. Any of that may get you pushed up on that list.

Usually there are separate lists for, city and county are you on both?

There is a song that lyrics include "Bars imagined are no less solid steel" As Blondie says, a little outing or a little something out of the normal routine can do wonders. Sometimes I step out for just a breath of fresh air and a little sun on my face with my eyes closed. Live for today and give the past it's due time, THEN pack it away. If it takes peeking in from time to time so be it. The point is to put it away and each time and move on to today.

Blondie61,

the waiting list I'm on, for a pa town 30 miles west of me, living in pa, even has new Yorkers on it, with nyc about 100 miles away!

town 30 miles away probably has its downside too, including living in a sterile highrise, where now I'm only on 2nd floor of a 3 floor building....and there are # broken sidewalks and condemned buildings in that town, with one real estate listing having a house, "as is" for about eight thousand dollars! but, a change of scenery, after the last really good memories of my hometown being back in 1960s!

TimeLearning,

The past is never dead. It's not even past---William Faulkner.

I do realize its dumb to dwell on stuff, but sometimes I do learn something important about my past----I'm also too broke to do anything to escape....plus, there are some people who, thanks to their meds, are notorious for walking from one end of town to the other, all day long, for years on end.

I certainly understand "solitary confinement". It is hard for me to overcome my fear, and self loathing to go out anywhere. I am glad that you got out a few times. I hope your cat feels better.

blueirisnw, your self-loathing was probably ingrained on you from others, just as mine was.

my cat is 20 years old; it's doubtful he's gonna make it to 21, though that is also bothering me---though I should be very happy he lived this long; all about attitude, though hard for such stuff to sink into my stubborn skull.

Sorry to hear you feel this way Penn but I don't think the feelings will go away unless you let people into your life and spend time with others. I have the same problem and am now finally doing something about it. It had to bother me bad enough to do something about it though.

Timelearn'n I like your post very much. Well said.

Not to say that I at all disagree w Penntucky.

Each of us manages his/her past in hir own way. Will risk saying it has to kept under control. On good days I explore a lil more back there :) , looking for insight; on rough days I might feel I'm hastily stuffing a few things back in th' closet and *slamming* the door. . lol

Again Timelearning and Penntucky thanks for thoughtful posts.

Blondie I almost forgot you. An image-filled (& pained) post, from which I get something.
/ :) . Tnx

I'm new on this group, trying to find ways to deal with loneliness. hadn't compared it to solitary confinement, but that is what it is, My life consists basically of dealing with 7 cats (all strays or abandoned). They are my lifeline. My days & nights are spent with the TV and this site plus internet news. Big deal to be able to force myself to the store, then I stock up so I don't have to go back. Small town, not much to do if I was able.
How do you guys do it? I am in such a mess and see no way to change. You guys seem at least adjusted if not happy & well adjusted.
Please share your secrets :):):)

hopeless1955.

your life sounds too much like mine---though I threw away my tv in 2007, and I stopped stocking up cause I would only eat like a pig....and now I go out for the day's canned food in order to be around people.

I feel like a mess right now cause my elderly cat is probably on his last lap; I'm gonna start him on omega 3 fish oil spray tomorrow.

catnip tea puts me to sleep sometime, along with melatonin.

national and international news makes me feel powerless; I check out local news to know where to avoid trouble.

my own therapy, for good or bad: I bought lots of dvds of movies and tv shows I haven't seen for decades; brought up some memories for good or bad. check out half.com and put in price and years in search engine for good deals. I've also downloaded cheap amazon music I haven't heard in decades.

amazon also has 99 cent subliminal downloads, that I put on repeat all day, and even while sleeping.

bicycling, at age 55, is good against my depression---and I can zoom past people and places, instead of slowly, nervously, walking past them. in the summer the sun comes up at 5 for a month; can bike on totally empty streets and sidewalks.

there are mini-buses in my area, to go to nearby towns; they only run about twice a day, but they are a big help at times.

I couldn't handle volunteering at my local cat shelter, but maybe there's such a place near you.

good luck.

I tried volunteering at our PAWS , don't remember what it stands for but it's to help animals. Answered the phone for a month and had to quit. It was just to sad for me. I wish I hadn't let my weight get so outrageous. Start therapy next Tuesday and am sure going to the gym as well as new eating habits will be on the agenda. The gym, if I manage to do as told, I'm sure will be very good for me.
I can see change is possible for most things, but I am having a difficult time once I realized nothing would change the loneliness. I've been retired for a year and thought I would be used to it. Hope I can get used to it.

hopeless1955,

maybe you'll meet somebody at the gym.

yes, retirement does make a lot of people lonelier. maybe there's senior center nearby.

walmart is always hiring, especially for night stocking, and clean-up, with some mentally-ill I've met getting jobs there for the nigh shift.