it sounds like a group therapy concept needs to be put into play Heretic....I know it is youth orientation that the psychologists and psychiatrists will recommend group therapy but it sounds like it would do you some good to use a group therapy...and I know financially you cannot put it in your plans....

I almost have a panic attack at the thought of group therapy, or sitting with Any group of people at all. Sounds like throwing someone afraid of the water into the pool.

my psychiatrist used what is commonly called Immersion...it is like that....throwing the baby out with the bathwater is worse....do you have anything likely to help with this?

I do not believe that there is no help for you, my friend. You have so much more to give than you know. You have a warm heart and a wonderful sense of humor. You never fail to reach out to others, even though you have been hurt so much throughout your life. That shows a depth of integrity and character that many people do not know. So, stop selling yourself short.
Just because you have not had what you have wanted all this time does not mean you will NEVER have it.
When you are not comfortable with people, it creates anxiety...and anxiety does not feel good. It does not, however, maim or kill and you can get through it. In this instance, the only way out is through. What we avoid becomes bigger than the fear of the thing we are avoiding. When you realize that people are people are people, it takes a lot of the edge off. It takes some practice, though. (As much as I love people and interacting with them, if I have been out of the loop, i.e., staying to myself for a while, I feel anxious when I get back in the saddle. But that passes.)
Just because you don't know how to enjoy being around people now does not mean that you never will. You can learn, if you are willing. You want to, and that is the most important part. We'll help you get there.
In the meantime...hang with us. We love your company.:)
Hugggggsssss to you.

I have some of your symptoms. Depression and anxiety can make it difficult to be around ppl. I would see if you can get on some better meds. Then when the depression lifts try meet-up groups or group therapy. I think there is help and hope. Hang in there.

Peaceful Greetings, Heretic,

First. I'd like to offer a kudos to you for taking the risk, being brave and sharing here. Given your situation, this step of being open and vulnerable might've felt a bit challenging. For whatever my opinion might be worth, I say you done good.

Next. I can relate a bit to where you're coming from though I don't feel particularly anxious. I used to just shut down completely, just be silently there, a shadow more than anything else. In this shadow-state actually I had a tendency sometimes to startle people who didn't realize I was standing right behind or next to them; that's how silent I was. (I was trained to be silent and solitary from an early age.)

Over the years and especially for these years being with my Partner, I've come a ways from those days. My Partner is definitely the social one in our partnership. Now I'm not saying I'm now a Social Butterfly. No, not at all. Typically I avoid group gatherings altogether.

For one thing, I have what I describe as ambient deafness. When people's voices are at about the same decibel, I can't understand what anyone's saying. I don't seem to have a strong ability to tune in just one voice and tune out the rest. Thus for me social gatherings often become more exhausting than beneficial or fun. I deal with them as best I can for the sake of my Partner and honoring her needs. To the other side of the coin and to be fair, she does limit her social gatherings for my sake as well.

The gatherings that seem to work the very best for me are the ones where I have a task of some kind. Then I'm usually good to go; energized, positive and focused.

Have you considered talking with one of your good friends about your situation with social events/gatherings? I've found and seen where it can be very helpful to have an in-the-know, safe buddy in those situations. Believe it or not, a lot of folks have difficulty on one level or another with walking into and being within social gatherings/events. You are not alone.

Also, have you considered participating in a group function of some kind? Like a community clean-up or something along those lines, like the Meet-Ups Forra mentioned. Often times these Meet-Ups (which I believe you can find for your area at www.meetup.com) are focused around a theme. One Meet-Up might be for drummers, another for gardeners, another for photography, and on and on. There are many different kinds.

The point is, they meet for a specific purpose and one that might resonate for you as fun enough to try. And, with a purpose in mind (and maybe a safe-buddy on your arm as well), you may find the anxiety levels easing off. If need be, write down the purpose of the Meet-Up on a bit of card-stock/index card and put it in your pocket (heavier stock paper so you can feel it is in your pocket and it will serve as a physical reminder-helper-focuser on why you're there).

Use your brain in your favor. Most of the time (if not nearly all of the time), the human brain can truly focus on only one thing at a time. If we deliberately break the focus away from the "social" aspect and force the focus on a "purpose" aspect, we should be able to over-ride and gain the upper-hand on the anxiety-reaction. It may take a bit of practice, but, over time, you might see some really good results and feel pretty happy to boot.

Nearly always there is help for us. Sometimes we're not ready or feel open for help. We may have gotten a notion in our minds that the only kind of help there is out there, is a scary one. That's not necessarily true. There are safe and actually, believe it or not, fun kinds of help out there. Keep digging, you're gonna find the right thing that works for you. Bless your heart.

I pray for you all Brightest Blessings of Light of Healing, Peace and Joy, 'An it harm none, Blessed Be.
Toni Aynia NightFish....