Loneliness Support Group
Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any...

This way you can examine all the other task you have done that day, did you complete them all? if not then start over and complete them.
did you do them correctly in your eye? if not go back and fix them.
in you task check list write down what you did to accomplish each task.
As for winter make "kill myself" into if "I make it through the winter Kill self", winter ends around march 21 every year, dont cheat winter.
Start planning all the tasks you have for winter, it is 90 days long, so you will need 90 task, we already have task 91 see above.
Make every 6th task, you write down why you love yourself.
I hope this was dark enough too for you , lol now enjoy.
If you would surround yourself around positive influences or listen to positive music it can give you the push to keep moving forward.
I want you to know that you were born with a purpose to be here whether you realize it or not, why do you think you keep waking up? There is good in you, you maybe helpful in some way to others and not know it .
So take (ending your life off your list) and replace it with (reading at least 15-30 mins. daily) JEREMIAH 29:11 / HEBREWS 6:19 /1 PETER 5:7
Just give it a try and it will leave you in far better shape than you"re already in.
STAY STRONG, DON'T GIVE UP AND LIVE ON PURPOSE!!!
You're killing me. Love your post.