Hello everyone.

I have been depressed most of my life. I have never worried about the number of friends I had. I never even considered that I was alone, or lonely. Only recently has it become a real concern. Besides the depression and the nuances of everyday life I have been very angry, and defensive, and acted in probably some not very nice ways. In one of the many arguments that I have been apart of my boyfriend asked me if I was happy, which my response changes based on what I am thinking about. For the most part, I am happy, I have a job that pays almost all of my bills, I have a roof over mine and my family's heads, we are all feed, and able to do a little extra. I have an amazing life, but even so, I do not always feel happy. I feel sad. Now part of this is some of the events in my life, like not having one of my children all of the time, and having little to no self-esteem. But sitting at work and at home I feel jealous of the people I work with, and the events going on in their lives. I realized a few days ago that it is not the events themselves that I feel jealous of. (A little jealousy comes from buying a house, and getting married, but only because those are kind of like symbols of change.) But more so I am jealous of the relationships that these people have not only with each other but with the outside world. I feel sad because I feel like a goldfish looking out of the bowl, perfectly able to see everything going on, but not being able to participate because of my bowl. Next question now is how do I get over 'my bowl' and learn how to make friends and keep them? Any suggestions?