Amen Debbie.... I could have written an identical post!
Looking back, I made one bad choice after another. Where men were concerned I chose the ones that used what they could and then abandoned me. I also had no guidance or advice from my emotionally, distant parents.

Now that I am 'over-the-hill' I find myself totally and utterly alone. Not even a sibling or parent. to be had.
I try not to beat myself up over my mistakes , but that is so very difficult. Big hugs to you.

hindsight is a wonderful thing, i try not to thing about the "if...onlys"

I grieve the same thing u grieve. And I do know the answer. HERE IT IS: Most everybody in this world is looking or waiting for that ONE big plan that God has for their life. Here's where the plan is located: Every man "has" is own wife and every woman "has" her own husband. So what happens is, you cross each others path (usually at a young age or so) in an attempt to get together. When it ends up to many people got in the way, and breaking thru that was really hard to do because of fear or mis guidance or just making the wrong decision,, that person will still cross your path through out your life, at least one time, but usually multiple times The reason why you's both unexpectedly cross each others path at some point in your lives is for u's both to see what your lives have become and what your lives have turned out to be "without" each other. Your case with this man is the same as what mine is, and it is very very painful I know. Our case is a case of, " WHAT WAS MEANT TO BE, CAN NEVER BE". It's to late. And when it's to late to be with your ordained person, it's to late. And it cuts. You have to grieve that. In a case like mine grieving that lasts for a lifetime. Please get out of your head what the "THEY PEOPLE" always say, which is,, "If something does not turn out (that u actually know was suppose to turn out), then that means, it was NOT meant to be". The "THEY PEOPLE" are WRONG, because, that would mean, EVERY SINGLE DECISION EVERY SINGLE PERSON MAKES IN THIS WORLD, IS THE "RIGHT" DECISION, IN ORDER FOR EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON, TO BE CATAGORIZED AS, "IT WAS MEANT TO BE'. And guess what?? It isn't. Do u understand what I am saying? It is written that this clearly means: "God has only ONE enormous plan for each person's life, and inside of that ONE PLAN contains multiple plans of the, "WHAT WAS MEANT TO BE PLAN" When the ONE big plan fails, then that means, "ALL" of the many plans that was located INSIDE that ONE enormous plan, can not come about either. You know, the plans that is referred to as, "I know the plans i have for you, to prosper you etc...? Those plans can never be. So that means, since those plans have been destroyed, dead and gone, then YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN TO MAKE YOUR OWN PLANS FOR YOUR LIFE. The big plan is dead and gone. It doesnt mean God did not have one for u, it just means, it got ruined. And when that plan gets ruined, other things happen by YOUR OWN CHOICES. You made all your own decisions at that point for a different plans to come about. This does not mean God is not with u in the plans u make for yourself, because He is. This is where people sometimes get stuck. In your case 11 years of being stuck. In my case 31 years of being stuck. The end result is, "You have to go out and make a new life for yourself". I have to do the same. Little by little I am doing that. But for me, beginning to start a new life was not possible until I grieved out (for the most part) "what is dead is dead". My man I was to live my life with has mysteriously crossed my path about 20 different times that I can count. Again 3 years ago. I dont know how many times your man has crossed your path. And I'm sure it's much harder for u than me because my man was never my boyfriend. BUT WE CAME SO CLOSE, SO CLOSE.
My advice to u is to understand what i've said, and finish grieving out the "WHAT WAS MEANT TO BE, CAN NEVER BE". And I will be doing the same right with u. I saw him 4 years ago and OMG I don't wanna see him again. If this crossing ends up lasting a lifetime, i do not know what I'm gonna do. That ordained Love for just that ONE person "everybody" gets, never ever dies. It can only be set aside in your heart and in your mind, in a safe, tucked away place, where you have no choice to put it. And move on to make your own plans for your life the best u can. Because if u don't go out to make your own plans and life, your 11 years is gonna turn into 60. Please do not let that happen to u. I am working on not letting 31 years turn into 60, old gray and still alone. Some people, (couples), are fortunate enough to be with the person they were meant to be with, and some like you and me, missed ours.
Do u see how u were NEVER meant to be alone for the rest of your life? There really was a plan for u to not be alone in your life, and to never be alone for the rest of your life.

@ tinlizzie, Thank you, hugs to you too.
@davewales: I hear you! You are right.

@ Andrea, Thank you for you support. It means a lot to me that you would share this with me. Not sure if I can grasp your concept completely. I don't think of that man as my 'missed soul mate', it's just the dream of having someone that is kind, strong, funny, and loves me forever, that is hard to give up.
My reasons for staying single the last 11 years is that, when it comes right down to it, I have always been happier being alone. I don't know if I could live with anyone now. I get so grumpy just going into town once a week and having to deal with people. I know it is my issues, but until I can overcome those issues, I choose to stay alone. BUT... The truth is I am not really alone, God is always present. I know that, and most of the time I am okay with being alone, just today started out different, but I am already recovering and feeling the presence of God.
"Romans 8:28-29 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers."
Bless you and I hope that you find peace.

It's so easy to have these regrets - but keep in mind that you don't know what would have happened had you stayed together, either, things could have been very different in an unhealthy way, especially getting together so young. He may be kind and talented, but that doesn't mean he was ever the right match for you. It's much too easy for any of us to look back and have regrets, trust that you are in life where you need to be, and that you can make changes if you choose to. Hang in there...