posting here is a place to start im feeling somewhat simmilar as you are i don't know what to do about it erther. .im sorry i cant be much help. i only can say i know cause im there to.

sorry your down in the dumps heretic...I wish I could walk across the street with a cup of tea or coffee and chat with ya...then take you where I want to go too....you and me would do well together...but alas the small thousand miles between us is insurmountable....hugs bill

I brew good coffee...want some?

Here's something I do, and it works really well, for me to be "completely" satisfied, and ok with being alone, living alone, and not having a boyfriend or husband. I already know what the little bit of the good stuff would be. So I think of what the enormous downfalls would be instead. Meaning, I see so clear that it is really not worth having someone in my life? First off, I would never ever go out with a man who has kids. I wont have any reminders of my man having a permanent connection of another woman other than me by having to see their kids, or her. Thatsa not gonna happen. And i really dont like kids. So kids is out, and most men "do" have kids. The other downfall is, I aint catering to nobody, even if he's sick, and i know I'd have to, at some point, if I had a boyfriend or a husband. I wont even be able to get past the boyfriend part to even have a husband because, as far as i'm concerned, he can take care of himself. Do u know why? Because "I" have to. I have to do everything for me. So that would mean, he has to cook his own meals, clean up his mess, he has to do his own laundry, pick up after himself, run the sweeper when he sees it needs to be done and i have not had time to do it. Same with dusting the furniture, moping the floors.He has to pay HIS bills and write out the bills and mail them off, "on time". He has to go to the grocery store to buy his own food, put the groceries away. When he gets sick, he has to take care of himself 100%, no matter how high his temperature is. If he has to go to the emergency room, he has to pick up the phone himself to call 911 ambulance or drive himself to the ER, even if he is half dead and cant breathe. DO U KNOW WHY? Because "I" have to and have had to do it for years. I had stomach surgery in the ER, and I had to drive home still on anestesia. My man can do the same. I use to have bad lungs, i had to drive "myself" to the ER gasping for breath and breathing in a bag, knowing if I call 911 and not drive, I wont be able to have my car in my possession so I can have a way home. that's how much there is no one ever in my life. I had to do all the taking care of myself AND work 2 jobs. Now that I dont work, that STILL wont matter. My man still has to do "ALL" for himself even if he works 2 jobs like "I" had to. No breaks, and no mercy. Do u know why? Because i didnt have any. So heretic,,, what i do is, think about all this stuff that i wont be doing for my man, and it makes me very happy and even at times giggle, to be by myself knowing, whatever man I would be with not only is he doing all life's tasks for himself "now" being alone and single, he will "also" have to do "all" of his life's tasks if he was with me. And it just wont be any other way, you know. You dont know how happy it makes me to know he still has to do for himself. lol lol. And if he (whoever he is) ends up with someone else, "she is "more than welcome" to cater to the man I wont have to".

so much for partnership AV

Hey heretic, I'm sorry you are feeling lonely. I think we can all relate to you there. There are good and bad sides to being single and being in a relationship. I think we need a healthy mixture of both throughout our lives. My wish is to have a partner as well because I've spent so much of my life alone and lacking companionship. Finding happiness alone can be a struggle, but I think we can all get through it.

As for AV's post, I can't really agree with it. To me, if you're in a relationship with someone you love and care about, you're suppose to do things for one another in order to show them that you care. You have to support one another and offer them support when they need it. AV's opinion of a relationship sounds more like a roommate situation to me. There's no partnership in there at all. That's just my two cents.

I completely understand - it's challenging to find a way to be ok with being alone, being happy in your own company. A wonderful friend of mine spent years trying to teach me this, because she was very secure in herself and knew what it took to have that mindset, but I still haven't grasped it, and she is now passed away so I can't go to her for advice anymore, I have to keep working on what she taught me already. I can't comment on AV's post because I don't understand or connect with it, so all I can advise is to keep finding ways to make yourself happy, and be happy with being who you are, even when you are alone...

Hi heretic, for me it took time and it was a struggle at first, but i realise that we are all alone to some extent in this world, ant the only person that can make me happy is myself also the only true person i can rely on again is myself and also the only person who has my interest at heart is myself, that realization has helped me with spells of being by myself, i hope you true will find you ways of finding peace of mind. take care.

I lusr read Andrea-s post and to be honest hun i hope you dont mind me saying you sound bitter and with those views i can see you are unlikey to find a partner, yes someone should pull their share and help, but its not a contract or agreement its a bout give and take and sometimes in a relationship there is more give than take, i also believe you look after and care for a partner than with the attitide with sorry mate you are on your own and look after yourself im busy getting on with my life.
You have strong views and im not sure if you are lonley know or comfortable looking after "ME" but you voluntarily put yourself in the lonely arena.
Im sorry hun if you feel im being direct, but as a friend of yours on the website i think you would appreciate an honest answer.
take care hun, and i hope if not allready you have found in life what you are looking for.
Dave.

I know bill. But when u r to far gone, u r to far gone, you know. And i am very far gone. I'm sorry i'm a disappointment to everyone here, and u to davewales because i know u like me so much. I'm a disappointment to me. :( :( :(

Interesting to read the posts here. I'm not trying to win a contest, but I'm in a marriage with children with friends that do for me at times as I do for them, and yet, I find myself very alone many times. It gets very lonely. There's more details but long story short, everyone has their own lives and problems and their best friends. It seems like everyone always has someone to hang out with or something to do. I can be in a room full of loving people and feel very isolated and lonely. Ironic relative to the stories I've read here. In regards to AndreaVictoria.... I can't say I blame her for how she feels. You sound broken, jaded and depleted. Like you've lost faith in your fellow human. We may not understand her, but we haven't gone through what she has. So why would we. Take care everyone.

Hi, Heretic. I am sorry you are feeling lonely. Wouldn't it be great if we could go to BillWFriend's house for coffee? I would bring homemade chocolate chip cookies, and we could sit with Bill and drink coffee and eat cookies. Or maybe brownies. Yes, I think brownies go better with coffee.

We have to go to Bill's house cuz I only have instant coffee at my place.

My dad used to tell me that we are only alone if we choose to be. I didn't believe that then, and I do not believe that now.

i have a husband and teenager dght at home but feel terribly lonely. my dght is busy with her life we have fun but my husband comes home watches tv eats goes to bed period. i have told him im lonely. he doesnt listen. its me i geuss. lost dont know what to do. tried it all.

being alone to me sucks

@ AndreaVictoria - I didn't connect with your post in this subject, but I am so surprised to hear you say you are a dissappointment. I don't feel that way at all, and in fact your observations and comments are often so heartfelt and wise, I'm really amazed at how astute you are with people on here. You have a tremendous amount to offer and I want you to know I do appreciate you and your wisdom. Thank you for being you and for sharing and encouraging and caring.

Andrea, you have no reason to feel you are a dissapointment, you have reasons for feeling the way you to, and have a right to express your opinions, take care and hugs
davewales.