I spoke with a crisis counselor tonight and was directed to this site in hopes that I may find social support. Like you, I feel so very alone. I'm also feeling so much guilt and anguish, which I hope you are not. I brought this upon myself. I lied and deceived my friends whom I have known for years. My lies finally caught up to me and they have all removed me from their lives and blocked me from contacting them. I never meant to hurt them. I never wanted to hurt anyone and I am so deeply sorry that they were hurt. I don't expect them to ever forgive me because even I cannot find forgiveness for myself. 

I usually cope with negative emotions by reading through stories of people who have gone through the same experiences because it provides me hope for my situation, but I cannot find any stories that relate to this situation of mine. It made me feel even more alone and horrid because it made me feel like I had commited a terrible crime that no one else would ever do. I actually really don't hope that there would be anyone who relates to my situation because it is a terrible situation, but I will tell my story. 

I was looked down on and bullied as a child for being a poor immigrant who did not know a trace of English. I was set behind in school and taken advantage of for the little things that I did have. It hurt so much then and I was so relieved when I was no longer in that situation. I never wanted to be in that situation again. When I met new people, I hid my past and invented a new background that didn't make me seem vulnerable and weak. I created a persona of someone who was confident, smart, and good enough. People didn't hurt or pick on me anymore. They and I became attached to that fake persona, and even though one of my oldest and best friends has known me for about 10 years, I still couldn't bring myself to confess the truth to her. I was too afraid of losing people, too ashamed of allowing lie after lie to build on each other, too scared to be vulnerable again. I let the lies build and deceived people by allowing them to think of me in such a bright light that someone once complimented me as being "superhuman." My lies have caught up to me as they should. The people I lied to feel hurt and betrayed, which is justified. I had many chances to confess and make amendments, but now it's too late. I've violated their trust and disrespected them as people and as friends. I feel like a horrible person and I know that I deserve this pain, but it just hurts so much.