Loneliness Support Group

Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any...

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Ghostwolf04 03/10/2018

So I just have an opinion question.

I don't feel like I have many friends anymore because they are all older and moved and have kids. So I don't see them much. When I used to have more friends and went to see them we all had a good time. I always had more guy friends than girl friends so it was a pretty even mix. We would all get together and cook and share stories and jokes. Everyone was treated equal and everyone was included. Lots of my friends were married so their spouses were there, and some of them were related too. Maybe that's why it felt like a big happy family when we all got together.

Now that I have gotten older, I am starting to wonder if I had a really good but uncommon first experience with friendship and family and socializing. Now when I try to make new friends or go to visit family and friends of my boyfriend, I feel excluded. No matter where we go or who it is, they always separate the boys from the girls. I find this not only sexist but weird. Especially since I don't know these women and they always ignore me and have nothing nice or interesting to say. I have barely met my boyfriend's dad, and last weekend we got invited to his house but they separated us and I get stuck with his horrible step mother. The same thing happens where ever we go. I just don't feel included at all. This can't be normal.

I need opinions. Do you think it is normal to separate the men from women when visiting or hanging out with friends and family? Why does this happen? Is it a cultural thing, is it old fashioned, or is it some new trend? Worse still, could it just be that my bf deliberately wants to exclude me? Or maybe I get separated from the men and excluded from conversation with the women because I'm not married and have no kids. Maybe I just can't relate? Opinions?

djchurn 03/10/2018

Your experience sounds sort of odd. I have never experienced a separation of genres while I was married.

I am not sure you should feel like you are being excluded, it may be that your boyfriends family is a little different from the norm.

Eeyore22 03/12/2018

I think its ok to happen some of the time but it is odd if it happens every single time. It may be how his family works or how he was brought up. Sometimes my sister in law feels excluded because me and my siblings will reminisce on things that happened when we were younger but it's never intentional on our part. After I talked to her about it and explained that we're sharing the memories so that she can know about them too she felt less out of the loop. Have you tried talking to your bf about it?

Ghostwolf04 03/12/2018

Yes I have talked about it with my bf. He agrees it is a little odd but just what most people do. I have actually refused to continue to visit one of his friends because he was intentionally rude to me then left me by myself at their house while he took my bf somewhere.
And as far as family and siblings go reminiscing, I haven't gotten to see much of that either. I would love if they shared stories in front of me but they don't.

Eeyore22 03/13/2018

I'm sorry to hear that. Kind of reinforces my thoughts of it being how his family interacts/how he was brought up. I hope your bf will help or be more sensitive to how it affects you. -hugs-

Ghostwolf04 03/13/2018

Thanks. I honestly think it is a sexist thing. I feel like the women get separated because we aren't important to share things with. It's like we are all the same basic ho in his friend's opinion, like none of the girlfriends will be around this time next year so why include them. My bf never talks about his past so he said his friends and family don't want to talk about him to me. So what like keep me in the dark? Starting to wonder if my bf is actually a bad person. A good friendship or family includes everybody. I would think they would want me and his brother's girlfriend there to share stories. Why bother bringing us over to visit if we just get shipped off to another room by ourselves? It's effed up. I think I will just stop going to see his friends and family. I don't like them and there is no point in me being there. I never get to see my friends. He won't go visit them or my family. So I guess that's just how it is going to be. He thinks I am weird to hang out with and I think he is socially awkward.
I can't believe I am saying this but even my abusive controlling ex who didn't let me hang with my friends and family at least included me with his friends. They shared funny stories and took me places with them and we all would cook or go out or play board games. His friends were great to me. So I know how my current bf and his friends and family are is not normal. I just wish there were more people with positive experience with friends in groups like I had when I was younger.

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