I really understand what you are saying...you are lucky to have husband to spend some of your time with....acquaintances are not the friends we wish they were because your right they are superficial....and surface friends....hugs bill

People where I live seem to find their crew via their family and church and stick with that, whether they like it or not. I find these groups to be rather exclusive in that you have to continually work hard to prove yourself worthy. I don't have the patience or the ambition to be part of a cult or clan right now so I spend a lot of time alone. People think it is weird, but at least I can do what I want when I want. I have family and church too, but I they don't fill every aspect of my life. Really not many who feel that way here, going out on their own is too much of a challenge for them. If you want to invite someone to go somewhere you have to ask them 2 weeks in advance so they can make it OK with their damn clan. Got tired of that so I quit. I've also found if someone here is spontaneously friendly to me it is because they have some other agenda in mind. Yuck! They make life too hard.

Shine...I could have taken your message and, word-for-word, put my name on it as send it out as my own. Like you, I have no close friends...although people are generally kind to me. Any relationship I have is very casual and superficial.

Most importantly, you are right in that probably the most frustrating part of being lonely is not having someone else to talk about it with.

I wish I had the "silver bullet" with the answers on how to end the loneliness. Unfortunately, I don't. However, I hope you find some comfort in knowing that there are others who share the same feelings.

Please feel free to contact me if you ever need someone to talk to.

Thanks everyone.

And old friend of mine and I recently started "reconnecting" via text messages... he lives about 12 hours away and I mentioned to him today that it would be nice to plan a visit for a few days and do some fun stuff together, and his response was "youre looking for a good friend and youre going to be disappointed. I dont do that".
I cant be the only person to feel like this is not normal, but this seems to be the response I get entirely too often.

Just wish I could figure it out.
Its at least nice to know I'm not the only person experiencing this, even if it doesnt solve any of the core problems.

oh wow...I could have written almost the exact same things.
I too spend most of time with hubby, and I too realize he can't
give me everything I need. Sometimes I just need to have girl talk.

I to find that I can't find people in the "real world" (vs DS) that are authentic. All they seem to want to share is life is great I'm fine.
I don't want acquaintances I want to have a friendship with someone
who knows me and I want to know them.

I hear you on the failure part...I have pretty much given up on getting involved with people at all. What's the point.

I wish I could offer some advice.
At least know you are heard and understood.

Hi Shine. I too am struggling watching other with their friends and family. It's one huge reason I avoid FB like the plague. It hurts too much seeing everyone snap pictures of how great there life is. Then I feel even worse because because I feel like the Grinch. Its not that Im nor happy for them but more I cant relate. My problems and highlights of the day are completely different. Don't give up...your not alone.

Welcome. and to answer your question, I believe it's just you right now because of how you are feeling. We all need others to connect with and it's amazing the friendships that can be made even on the internet. I have friends here that I snail mail with, talk on the phone, and feel closer to than many of my so called friends. The quality of friendship is so much more important than the quantity. I am the quote writer of the groups as you will find out if you ever read my journals. One that I found as I was writing this to you says the following:
If one day you feel like crying, call me. I can't promise to make you laugh, but I'm willing to cry with you.
What I am trying to say with this quote is this.. That is what a friendship is all about, being here for one another and understanding, not judging each other. I think you are going to find wonderful friendships with the people here and will find out what true friendship is. And with that comes understanding and support! Hugs GB

Hugs everyone. Today was better. Still only spent time with husband, but venting to people helped a bit.
Hoping everyone has been having a nice weekend.

I agree you are lucky to have your husband, I have not one human being I can talk to and tell them how lonely I am.

"I have been struggling with this for several years. Seeing people with their groups of besties, bffs, squad, whatever you want to call it is driving me to the point of depression over not having anything like that for myself."

Never compare yourself to other people. Plus, you are assuming these are all close friendships. They probably can't stand each other - LOL.

"My husband is my best friend, but he cannot be my entire life, hes having a hard time understanding how I am feeling so lonely when he and I spend so much time together and are happy. I have no girlfriends, people at work think I'm weird, and all of my friends from high school have moved on to have families. I feel just invisible, that I dont matter."

Don't matter to WHOM? Do you matter to yourself? You obviously matter to your husband. You don't need friends, you need self-esteem.

"People are nice enough to me; polite, friendly. But superficial, shallow relationships just seem pointless to me. I would take having a real connection with one FRIEND over a thousand smiles from infinite acquaintances. I just cant seem to connect with people. Even people who share common interests. I try to open the door to a friendship - hanging out or going for coffee, and its like people think thats weird of me to cross that boundary. I just dont get it."

People aren't as friendly as they used to be. They're selfish. You've probably been spared a lot of aggravation........

"I think the worst part about loneliness is not having anyone to talk to about it."

If you have a happy marriage, you shouldn't feel lonely. You have a lifemate, a companion, most people would give their right arm for that! That is much more valuable than any "friendship"!!!!! You are blessed.

I feel the same way you do, I've tried to reconnect with people I used to be friends with and they all just seem so busy with their lives or just not interested in talking to me. These are people I was pretty close to as a kid, but now everyone is grown and seems to have moved on. Most of them in college and/or working, and I'm just home all day still just like I was back then, feeling as lonely as ever. Some people are just really too focused on their own lives that they don't stop to think or care about the people around them that might want to be their friend.

I think one friend every couple of years is a good strike rate. Don't expect friends to happen - if you hit it off with someone give it time. Six months - then invite them out to coffee. Maybe even a year at work.

People are slow. Also your reputation will precede you. Do you do your job well? Do you have halitosis? Is there anything about you that would annoy? Do you pick your nose without noticing? Do you hoik or sniff?

If you're not doing these things, and you look average, and you aren't up yourself or annoying, then i think it's time to relax a bit. Just relax. Yes, we do go out to lunches with each other. It's normal. If someone says no, don't read into their looks that they thought you were an idiot for asking. That's your reading, that's not their promise.

Learn to identify which bits are your insecurities speaking. I suspect a lot of what you get is that.

:p I spent the first year at this job almost silent. Nobody wanted to hear what I had to say. Nobody wanted to hear my answers to the afternoon quiz. I was nobody.

After a year, I started being asked questions for things, treated more like a team member. The boss started to open up. A worker who didn't much like me left. Another one we all hate showed up. i was in, the new chick is now out.

Time is your friend. Learn to be a bit strategic.

outside work: take a class in something you enjoy. That gives you a thing to focus on while you're meeting new people. It could be woodworking, it could be quilting. Whatever: get yourself out among other women, and smile a LOT and listen a lot and don't say anything negative ever, always be kind and helpful - always be cheerful and don't have BO and you will get along just fine. You just have to do it, and be consistent, and don't expect results overnight.

I know this because after 2 years in this city I am now starting to make a few friends. :) Very slow....