Loneliness Support Group
Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any...
I feel so alone. And I feel like I did it to myself. I'm an introverted person in the first place, so I'm good with just having a few close friends. I drove away one of those friends last year because I didn't feel like it was a healthy friendship, though I feel awful for allowing things to end the way they did. Then, I graduated a semester early because I thought that would help with my overall health by eliminating the pressure of high school, but I miss the few friends I did have. I'll see them for maybe a few hours one day during their winter break or spring break, but then they go right back to their actual friends. When I'm with them, they give me a look of pity. When I text them, they don't always text back and I feel bad for bothering them. They go to things and don't invite me - things that I wouldn't necessarily want to go to, but it would've been nice to be invited.
Then, my family. My brother lives far away and doesn't reply when I reach out to him always, so I feel badly for bothering him. My sister has a newborn baby and is so so busy. My brother-in-law shares different beliefs than me, which is perfectly okay, but he's starting to rub it in my face, and I feel like our relationship is falling apart because of it. I've been struggling with a few things mental-healthwise that have unfortunately made my parents very cautious when they approach me. In fact, I hardly speak to my dad even though we live in the same house.
I find that whenever I'm "daydreaming," I have friends around me. I'm talking and laughing and I have a best friend who actually knows me and understands me. I know the obvious answer is to "get out there, go make friends!" but it's not that easy.
I've struggled with an ED since I was super young, making my weight "yo yo" and I just so happen to be the heaviest I've ever been right now. It doesn't help with the social anxiety of it all - I HATE going out, hate seeing what I look like in "nice clothes" in my heavy body, every piece of it is terrifying.
Another obvious answer may be "go see a therapist, try some medicine." I've tried it all. I was on medicine for such a long time that I stopped worrying all together, started failing school, feeling cloudy all the time. I've tried different medicines since, all with different, scary side effects. I've tried 3 different therapists, each one making me reach deep into my childhood trying to pin point what is "wrong" with me, with my family. It's driven me away from my parents and I hate it. I'm at a loss of what to do.
I am here if you need to talk, or if you need a friend. Just send me a message
Your post saddened me. I was reminded of a few things pertaining to my own life but also my brother's. He too had wishywashy 'friends' who abandoned him - he's been friendless since except for me and too some degree a friend I made in school.
>that have unfortunately made my parents very cautious when >they approach me.
Do your best not to make your parents afraid of you.
You've done your best it would seem with regard to therapists and meds. You've analysed your situation quite well. Indeed, they don't seem to have pinpointed what is 'wrong' with you.
If it's possible for you perhaps you can join a meetup group - there are those for the socially awkward?
Since you are already heavy you are ideally positioned to become a Budai! You don't have to be a buddhist to do this; though you may want to read up on the guy. You can transform yourself (by embarking on a spiritual path) into a person who laughs at it all, most especially his own self : D Budai was thought to be a monk and was, like Santa Clause, kind to children and would give them small gifts whenever he came to a village.
Budai, Hotei or Pu-Tai is a Chinese folkloric deity. His name means "Cloth Sack", and comes from the bag that he is conventionally depicted as carrying. He is usually identified with or seen as an incarnation of Maitreya, the future Buddha, so much so that the Budai image is one of the main forms in which Maitreya is depicted in China. He is almost always shown smiling or laughing, hence his nickname in Chinese, the Laughing Buddha.
' I will love the light for it shows me the way. Yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars. ' Og Mandino.