Loneliness Support Group

Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any...

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Mike1975
Mike1975
I suffer from social(mostly) and general anxiety. I decided to join this forum also when I found it because I do get lonely especially when suffering from anxiety. I have lived in the same place for 14 years, moved here for work, but have no social roots and work with a small number of people. They are great but I only have one friend that I ever spend time with outside of work. He has seemed aloof and non responsive at times(seeming to ignore me, not including me in conversations,etc.) when we used to talk at work constantly. Some days he's his "old" self and things are fine but other days he seems to act like I'm not there. This would be stressful anyone I know. However I also know it wouldn't bother me nearly as much if I had other outlets or people do things with. I have some online friends and a close family that unfortunately live several hours away. I've been on medication, went off it for some time until I had a severe set back and almost landed in the hospital with anxiety. I'm back on it, Effexor and Klonopin, which helps take the edge off but it's not a cure. Even though I am getting alone fine with my other coworkers, I focus on how things are with my friend since he is the only one I spend time with outside of work and at times agonize over why he seems to be acting different with me and no one else, especially since we've been friends for 7-8 years. I worry he is sick of me now for some reason and he is not the type of guy you can can really talk to about feelings. I apologize for the long post but this is basically an introduction and synopsis of what issues I'm going through at the moment. So Hello and anyone free to respond with some advice, a good word or just to say hello. Thanks:).
Blondie61
Blondie61
Welcome to the group Mike.

I'm sorry that you have to suffer with anxiety. It is difficult to make friends when you feel anxious. Sometimes when we feel that our issues push others away from us, they may be thinking the same thing. Your friend may be having problems and thinking you are pulling away. He may not be a touchy feely kind of guy but that doesn't mean he does not value your friendship.

Many men would rather have their teeth pulled then talk about feelings. Just keep being his friend and doing things outside of work. Many people would envy you for having one good friend.

Ask other guys here for their opinion on male relationships and I am sure it will help to relieve your anxiety.
Mike1975
Mike1975
Thank you Blondie for your advice, I really appreciate it.
Mike1975
Mike1975
As for my friend I have been actively trying to talk more which gets rebuked or ignored part of the time. It's hard knowing how much is really happening and what is in my head. But things are definitely uncomfortable, at least on my end.
Blondie61
Blondie61
He sounds like one of those guys who probably hates talking about feelings. Talk about sports and work. Maybe he wants to take his mind off what ever might be bothering him.

It doesn't mean there is just one thing on his mind. His distance is sporadic. Maybe he has a toothache. Maybe the job bothers him and he didn't get a raise. maybe he has relationship issues or financial problems. If he doesn't want to talk about those things, then respect his demeanor.

Being a friend with someone is respecting the boundaries. Best not to blame yourself, as it is eating you up and may be showing in your behavior. Just be a cool friend to hang out with.
Hugs
billwfriend
billwfriend
welcome to our corner of the Internet....sorry your not doing so well
angeleyes92
angeleyes92
welcome to the group. anxiety can suck at times. but at least you are out in the world doing things. that is something a lot of people can't do
deleted_user
deleted_user
You said you have lived there 14 years. Sometimes when people only have one person they talk with, they may set up expectations of the other person and become clingy and not even realize it. This can make it hard on a friendship.

Social Anxiety and General Anxiety are not impossible to start working on, even at this time. There is an excellent workbook called THE ANXIETY & PHOBIA WORKBOOK by Edmund J. Bourne, Ph.D. and it can be gotten from libraries or you can order it online from Walmart and other places. When I had trauma and went into agoraphobia and social anxiety so bad and stuttering, the therapist had me read chapters in this book to understand more. At the end in the Appendix is "Additional Hierachies" which is actually exposure exercises.

It takes time and it takes a lot of work on your part, but the goal is so worth it. Hugs.
gramybear
gramybear
Don't apologize for your long post, that is what this board is all about. Have you thought that maybe your friend suffers from depression, bi-polar disorder, anxiety, agoraphobia, any condition that makes him one way one day, and a different person the next.? We tend to judge without knowing what is inside of another person. The only way we can understand is to ask. Maybe he doesn't know what you go through either? You might have a lot more in common then you even realize. Anxiety is very hard and it makes us different people. As does depression. If this is a good friend then he will want to talk to you about what is going on in his life, and if he doesn't, then you did your best to try and help. I'm glad you are here and I hope you find a lot of support and friendship here. I wrote you a post in the depression site as well. It was sent to both you and Lonesome. Hugs GB
Mike1975
Mike1975
I appreciate all of the feedback and want to thank you all. My friend is not a "feelings" guy even for a guy. Even talking with our female coworkers he doesn't seem comfortable with some of those topics. What bothers me is his interactions don't appear to have changed with anyone else except me. Although we have been what I would call close friends for 8 years it almost feels like he's tired of me or something. He chats just fine with everyone else including the other male coworker. Maybe I put off a needy or different vibe that I don't notice, although I try my best to maintain "normalness". But I never know what he'll be like. Whenever he would go on vacation, he'd bring me back something. This year he brought me what he brought everyone else. Maybe it was because I didn't do as much for him while he was gone,ie: walk or feed his dogs. He has also been inviting one of our female coworkers, a friend of his too, to rearrange her schedule during pay per view wrestling events that he gets now. And also invites her boyfriend because that guy explains things to him I guess since my friend doesn't watch wrestling on his own really. He's never asked me to go. Basically he is not the type of person you can ask "what's going on" because I think that would make it worse but he is the only person I spend time with outside of work and without him I've got no one to hang out with. Plus we do have a lot in common and seemed to enjoy the same things. Just spinning my wheels not knowing why things are different only between us.
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