Keep the faith brother. I know is hard but keep trying. Maybe God have a nice surprise for you.

Welcome to this forum. It is a good place for support and please also write responses to other people. Many come here and don't ever respond to others. But we need to have each of us reach out and try. Say something kind and supportive. This will help you feel engaged and positive. We need you on here with the rest of us! I think you are expressing a lot of self inside and wisdom. Many people are attracted to false people due to the love bombing. So you want to make connections with people and it starts within ourselves. Sit down with pen to paper and write up some ways you can connect to people. At work, say hello and ask how their day is going and then pause and listen to the answer. At the grocery store or restaurant, say something kind and compliment the worker. Ask them how is their day going while you make eye contact. Tell people positive things but not about their bodies. Don't compliment women on how they look though! Make eye contact. Smile. I heard an inspirational talk by a man who was a CEO and he said he puts five pennies in his pocket every day and its to remind him to compliment someone five times a day - 5 different people. So he makes the first compliment and he puts that penny in the other pocket. It has changed his workplace and his life. It might be something to try.

Urbangardener: while I completely agree that the first step to be loved and accepted is love and accept ourselves not always being nice is the key. I’m always positive, greeting everyone from chief medical officer and doctors to janitors and aides exactly the same way. Most of the people don’t even acknowledged and I’m still invisible. Sadly most people look at others because of the benefits they may get. Unless you are wealthy, extremely good looking or have a position of power most people simply ignore you.

Hi and thanks a lot for your reply. I do try to respond to other post. Sometimes it takes me a long time just to write one reply, because I go over it and think about what I am saying and how the other person might take it. I like to think most of the time what I write is helpful. I do find I have to fight my own negative feelings though. It seems way to easy to let that stuff take over
Thank you for the suggestions too. At present I do not work and I have no social network at all really, except for a few family members. I love them of course and they love me but it just is not enough. I know that by not getting out much that makes it near impossible to connect with people. I try to make connections online but you know its just not the same.
I do get out to run the errands and most days when I am out and about I do all the things you mentioned. I smile, try to make eye contact, and always have a nice word for the people I do interact with. I just figure that to be common decency. Most of the time I get a positive reaction and that is nice, but those interaction are never going to be anything more than just a brief brush. I know you will say it could lead to something more but I dont see how. I never could read women at all. I would not know a signal from a spot light! I always figure they are just being nice and that is it. I am not forward at all and never will be so there's that. My low self-esteem is a killer too. In my heart I know I have much to offer someone but my logical material mind tells me I have nothing of value.
Anyway, I really do appreciate the effort

Able76, its true that you work in a place with a distinct hierarchy. I have also worked in health care and you are correct that many doctors and nursing staff treat others poorly. But not everyone and everywhere is like this. Some people do use others, for the benefits they get. What I hear is you automatically see the world as dark and ugly so then it is a self fulfilling prophecy. Unhappy way to live and other humans sense our unhappiness and shy away from us. You assume the world will demean you so you hardly notice those people who are more deserving of your smiles and hello.

And loren1974, you are correct that at this time in the pandemic it is hard to get out in the world and make friends. But we still can. I don't see self demeaning or self debasement as the logical material mind. I see these self defeating statements as the illogical mind, the irrational mind. As long as we continue to have negative self talk, we bring on the same old same old. It is not easy to make connections, I have been working on this for about 3 years now, the pandemic really made it worse. So it takes time and we get discouraged but instant friends often turn out to be worse than enemies. Anyway, know you have value and worth in the world and repeat that to yourself. Welcome again, you have value and worth on this forum, too.

I think in general you are right Able76. Its sad but I I think both men and women are guilty of putting material things above things like a good heart and kind soul. Men probably do it most with the physical appearance of women. With women its probably more provider status, even if they themselves have a good income. These are just generalities of course.

I am willing to admit that these ideals are my problem. When I am convinced women wont want me because I have limited income and not the greatest looking guy, I have not doubt those ideals can become a kind of self fulling prophecy. I am also sure there is a lot of truth to my concerns. I have no ideal what the percentages are of women that place pretty high value on looks and money, but I am convinced its a majority. I am not talking millionaire status or male model looks. I am talking about just having a decent job. and being of average weight and looks. I am on disability due to my mental health issues and I am overweight by at least 60lbs. I also live with family members because of my financial situation so there's that too.

Back when Craigslist still had the personal section I use to get on there and write heart felt ads explaining my situation. I was always honest about my pluses and minuses. I was not just negative about myself, in fact my ads would consist mainly of the positive things I had to offer and I hardly ever got a response so that tells me something right there.
One response I recieved really stuck with me. In my opinion this woman was heartless but what she told me was true. She told me, why should any woman want you when they can find men with all the traits you say you have but they also have a decent jobs and are in good shape. Really I cant argue with that logic. It makes me sad but who cares right!

Urbangardener: of course I don’t think everyone is like that. There’s always exceptions for every rule. I’m in the middle of the hierarchy totem and I consider myself an average looking person. Like I said even in my darkest days, I always bring and give my biggest smile. The problem is that most people are so self-absorbed ( in their own problems, electronic devices, social media, you name it) that they don’t even notice it. The pleasure of having a meaningful conversation, eye to eye is every day less frequent.

Loren1974: you are sadly right. The majority of the people don’t care about good souls and kind hearted folks. They care about looking, money and status. There’s exceptions. We are exceptions. But we are rare. I’m around 30 or 40 people any given day, look where I come to vent my pains? Look who are answering my messages? A couple of persons I have no idea who they are or where they are from and is almost impossible we meet in person. I glad. I’m really glad of have this conversation with you and Urbangardener. It’s always a luxury have someone to talk to.

Yes it is nice to at least know someone hears you and knows you are in the world.
I am with you 100 percent about people being to caught up in there electronic devices. Yes I know I am on the internet right now :) I do not own a smart phone. I keep a old flip phone in my car for emergencies but thats it.
People cant even put them down when they are at your house. They are supposably there to visit with you but instead they are staring at that little box! I just want to scream at those people and smash that damn thing!
Ok glad I got that out:)