Penn: You live in a town you said that has the social service offices there. If you are on disability or whatever go and seek help or referrals to other agencies. You could probably get additional furniture or clothing from Goodwill, Salvation Army, Catholic Charities. If social services gives you a referral, they will give you a voucher to shop there.

There is no reason to feel so down trodden and depressed for having a limited income or living in a poor neighborhood. Do you ever consider getting a job, like even as a greeter in Walmart part time to get out more? There should be local food banks and monthly government food giveaways in your town. I would assume many of this is accessible to you. No one should go hungry or not have decent warm clothing.

Start small just to change your life in any way you can. Don't be afraid to ask for help. There is help, especially for decent people trying to make ends meet.

If you want some help looking for help near you PM me and I will help you do a search. I'm good at finding things on the internet.

Blondie61,

thanks for wanting to help, but my redneck town as much a lost cause as I am....complete with confederate flag decals and signs that certainly cant have anything to do with northern pa history.

furniture or food isn't something that bothers me at all. it's people and memories. the drop-in I went to had some really hateful dummies whose idea of thinking they knew so much was how much they could yell, including the volunteer who ran the place! And long time criminals, with one joking of how he once got shot by a cop, mixed in with people with mental health problems.

I'm also a broken record about my parents, but I wake up with some new insight about them, including the kick in gut thought just a few minutes ago that I cant think of anything nice about them; after meeting so many bad news people in last 10 years, I see so much of them in my parents.

and reading crime news in local paper, some of people I've known, others strangers whose backgrounds in articles seem familiar. Illiterates, would-be toughs, stores closing, torn lottery tickets all over the sidewalks, dead animals on even slow streets, it really is like a ghetto, though a rural one. My dentist even joked about people in town with bad or no teeth (by age 30). I also thought of some of the people I've known, with age 50ish for life expectancy.


My rambling nonsense maybe cause of to doctor on Wednsday, and having to fill out form with name of somebody to contact in case of an emergency----all I could write down was my landlord, and even then I don't know his phone number.

It might help if you find even one positive thing in your life... besides the cats of course. Do you go to church? If not maybe if you join one you might find good people.

I know what you mean about social service offices. Back in CA. I had to get help and I had my son ,as an infant in a stroller. A man that was drunk came over and was talking to me and started blowing raspberries on my baby's neck. I nearly ran out of there I was so shocked.

Yes the men drooling over trannies before they realized they were not women and the assorted drug addicts and fake injury people sure gives you a look at a seedy and poor side of life. But, Penn people are still people and many like you, are where they are for various reasons. Something made them take a wrong turn in life.

Find one thing to change in your life...just one thing. My offer still stands if you need some help. (((hugs)))

thanks again, Blondie61.

i have a 5 year wait for govt housing 30 miles away; hopefully by that time i will have $ for moving; a permanent change of scenery for me to look forward to.

A lot of people are dealt a shitty hand in life. I feel like I was too. Bad parents, bad environment, lack of social skills and self esteem. It's led to the depression filled life I have now.

As much as I'm pissed at my parents for helping me become like this, I can't dwell on it too much. What can they do about it now? Nothing. It's up to me to do something about it. I didn't get this way over night, so it's not going to get better over night.

Loneliness is complicated though. Even people with excellent up bringing and all the opportunities and friends and family... They can feel alone and lonely too. We all feel it for different reasons. Sometimes it doesn't even seem to make sense why we feel it.

tehdreamer,

life not making sense...when I was blissfully unaware, of almost everything, I might have been a little bit happier. Or maybe I was too stupid, or dead inside, to know I was unhappy. It probably helped, waay back in the early 1980s, that I was hanging out with people who were equally clueless.

I think of this stuff myself so often but would throw the right genetics into the mix as well in light of recent research. I find I am thinking too much of these things too now I am getting older and a recent attempt to reconciliate with a few members of the family failed.

They seem stuck in a time warp and all my efforts to change myself, be more accepting and non-judgement and live a more peaceful life failed to have any effect on their pathology.

I made many attempts to change my life and rise above my similar upbringing but have pretty well ended up back where I started.

I now just try to live the best life I can given the circumstances but just wish my memories and thoughts would give me a break sometimes. Meditation and trying to live in the moment helps. At least you have unconditional love from your cats. I wish peace and contentment for you.

thanks a 2nd time, Looney1

yes, genetics; an uncle, who I only saw at his funeral, died in a mental hospital, after living his whole life there...in my old age he's the relative I'm starting to relate to. he was full blown schizophrenic, I'm maybe schizo-affective, with maybe a lot of that having burnt out of me in my old age, which is why I only started thinking about a lot of this stuff so late in life.

hopefully, you'll get a break from bad memories.

My opinion; for what it is worth. Every single baby is born innocent; filled with wonder; curiosity; and a thirst for learning. Some babies are unwanted; some babies are unloved; some babies do not have their needs met. Without love and nurturing; a baby has no foundation; and seem to be adrift on the sea. Those of us that were abused and/or neglected have a hard time in life. Some seem to recover by living in denial. Others struggle with the confusion of it all. Some work on healing our past issues; and this can prove very hard work. When I was little I wished that NO living creature suffered alone like I did. I have tried to help others during my life. Now, I have to focus on nurturing myself and overcoming the lost feeling of not fitting in or belonging anywhere with anyone. I will keep looking for my "tribe"; a group I feel a part of; and a sense of belonging. For now, I am alone. I am lucky to have a service/companion dog. Dogs love unconditionally. Penn; I understand your love for your cats.

yes, blueirisnw, I was in denial about my parents, since they were about the only family/relatives I had, with me only last year realizing how much they neglected me, including when I was in a bad depression age 18 to 21, with my parents reaction of telling people I was living in another state, when I was really secluded in their house.

thanks, about my cat...though I don't understand why I love a cat who wouldn't even let me trim his long claws today:)

and, yes, take good, even selfish, care of your self, blueirisnw; nothing wrong with being selfish about taking care of oneself.

(mike, semi-anonymously, in nepa)