With this method, you escape negative feeling spiral & feel less alone. Do you know the feeling of suddenly feeling terribly lonely? They want to make plans for the weekend, but all their friends seem to be planning something. You decide to go for a walk or a sport and maybe go to the cinema in the evening. And then discard everything, ignore your cell phone when it rings, and wrap yourself tightly in a blanket at home. A couple of doctors now want to have found a way out of this vicious circle.  There are many people around the world who feel lonely. The best example is Korea, where one third of all citizens live alone. From the isolation of the people, even a new profession has developed - a Korean woman earns, for example, at the 6,600 euros per month to cook in front of a web camera dishes and then to eat. It's a surreal way to keep people who are watching you company.

A way out of the vicious circle

But you do not have to put up with the feeling of loneliness. John and Stephanie Cacioppo have explored the phenomenon of inner emptiness. They have found out: Our brains react differently when we feel lonely. We are then polarized differently, react much more sensitive *. I first heard about their research when I write my research paper at the university. I never have thought that it would be useful to me. In such a state of feeling one gets easily into a negative behavioral spiral: Although one feels alone, one is socially even more off. Because, for example, you are afraid of being rejected by strangers or even friends. This pattern of behavior, the two doctors from Chicago are sure, can be overcome. And with the following four steps:

The "Ease Method" (EASE Method)

The steps, writes dr. Cacioppo on the Psychology Today ** website may seem very obvious and unsurprising at first glance. But that is often the case with custom-made life-wisdom: in reality, you did not explain how we tick. You only have one thing to do if you really want to change something: Give this test a fair chance.

1. E, how to broaden your horizons. The retreat and passivity of loneliness are a protective response to a potential threat. In order for you to train yourself to deal differently with this menacing feeling, you need a safe place to experiment. You have to start small. Do not immediately try to find the love of your life or to completely reinvent yourself. Just put your toe in the water. Opt for voluntary social service, for example in a refugee camp or hospital. Learn how to work with older people, teach children, read the blind or help out in a children's sports club.

2. A like action plan. Some feel like they have nothing under control. It is enough to realize that you are not a passive victim, but can take things into your own hands by changing your thoughts, actions and expectations towards others. This can be magical and give you a real boost of energy. The next step is to realize that you are actively deciding where to invest your energy. For example, maybe a theater company is not right for you, but you could help backstage, and so get connected. If you are shy of people, you can get involved with animals and have a lot to talk about. But: social connections do not require superpowers. Do not make too much for others, but do it for yourself. Be open to engage in something but combine this with realistic expectations. Means: Do not fret too much - you do not have to become Mother Theresa right away.

3. S as selection. The secret in dissolving loneliness is not the quantity but the quality of friendships. The connections you make with people must be meaningful and satisfying for both parties. You have to find out which friendships promise this and which ones are going in the wrong direction. Loneliness makes us very sensitive to signals, the trick is to stay calm and learn to appreciate the signals correctly. In addition, one must keep reminding oneself that it is not a good basis for a deep connection when one feels attracted to a person's appearance or status. Compatibility depends on much more, such as belief, opinion, interests and common activities. The principle "Equal and like to join" works well here: Calmer people should also seek to talk to people who like it calmly. Enthusiastic readers should rather go to reading clubs instead of dance clubs.

4.E for Expect the best. Social comfort makes us more stable, generous and resilient people. It helps us to be more optimistic and the "expect the best" attitude just gets the best out of us. Warmth and goodwill are unparalleled. With practice, each of us can change as seen from the outside. Fear and critical behavior force you back into loneliness. Focus on very small recognitions from the outside, expect the best, but be modest. Be patient and do not over-interpret things.

* So different is the way to go: The test persons of the Cacioppos were shown words in different colors. The subjects then had to name the color, not the word. Some of the words describe social activities that have a positive connotation, such as "party". Others went in the negative direction, like "lonely". The brain waves of the subjects were measured.

The "lonely souls" were a lot more sensitive to certain words, like those who had a good social network. So some words worked like small electric shocks on some subjects. The doctors said it was important that lonely people are aware that their brains are more sensitive and influence their behavior.