Hi and welcome. Being a relatively "ugly" guy (I was a cute kid lol), no, I've never experienced sexual molestation. I DID get picked on, ridiculed, criticized, by other guys in grade school for looking and being "different", This made me self-conscious, hurt me, made me shut down, be very shy in social situations and made me prone to frequent bouts of rage, stunted my otherwise linear emotional development I have pretty good spirits, a pretty good sense of humor now, but anger still does rear its ugly head when I get laughed at or criticized. There's a tendency in me to BECOME the very thing I was traumatized by as a kid, a bully. This neverending "dumping cycle" has to stop.

You seem like a sweet person, which is good, but sweetness should not become weakness. All I can say is, if you want people to notice you for your brains or what you're capable of, you have to PROJECT your brains and what you're capable of into the universe, anyone you happen to meet. Talk and act intelligently, aggressively initiate conversations ("Hey, my eyes are UP HERE!"), challenge men to think about things you like to think about. Be interested in things outside yourself, as I'm sure you are, and talk about them passionately. A strong intellect, a forthright heart and a bit of healthy anger is a good defense mechanism against allowing your body, mind and heart to just sink into sleazy animalistic desires, to be used by others for their own selfish pleasure. If and when you do desire to be sexually intimate with someone, it's on your terms.

I am really sorry this early sexualization happened to you. I did not experience sexual abuse but I do know lots of women who have. It really affects how our brains work, as you know it is trauma. So when kids are traumatized this way and then not believed or shamed and told it was their fault, the brain is changed. Little girls who have been sexually abused do often become women who use sex to gain stuff from others. Mothers who were sexually abused and don't get therapy often do the ignoring of the child's sexual abuse. No one listened to them, and their wound is so huge that they can't listen to their child. The shame they felt from their abuse is transferred to their child who was abused. Your pattern is very common unfortunately. But you are more than just a place for another human to get their so called pleasure from. Your body is not meant to service others. Your soul cries out for better and higher. Many/most adults who were sexually abused as kids need good intensive therapy to heal, or start to heal. Boys who are sexually abused can turn out to be sexual abusers as they become men. It is a terrible cycle of harm to children that turns into a lifetime of pain for the grownup victim. Ayanla Van Zant has a lot of information on her TV show about this and I believe she has written books about it. But I encourage you to get good therapy by a therapist who is experienced and trained in trauma based therapy to help you heal. I wish you well and I am sorry that some grown ups sucked in your early life.

I do think being pretty probably helps to find the right man, but you have to make sure you don't rely on that. One would think that going slowly into relationships and seeing if there is a real connection would make sense.

If someone makes continuing comment about your looks, you know that's not the right person. But you do want to develop other skills and there are decent people.