Do you think she thought it was an invite out to be more than friends, or was it really just a friendship? What is the harm in getting to know her and making it clear you just need friends? If she doesn't call, you won't need to worry about it but if she does,it would be hard to ignore, especially if you see her at work. I would just be open and honest....

When u said this woman was "alone", do u mean she is a person as lonly as u r, or do u mean something else?

I don't think u did anything wrong. You made it clear to her you are not interested in dating, just interested in an aquantenance or friendship. If she is a very lonley person, you may have to clearify the friend thing more than once because she might be desperate for a boyfriend or assume because you are interested in a friend, you want a girlfriend. A lot of lonly women can not seperate the 2.

You can always just talk on the phone for a while. That's probably best because if you don't think she is friend material on the phone, then chances are she will not be friend material in person, you know.

POOhbear, I m hoping that she knows its only as friends. I did make it clear that i don t want any heavy relationship right now . I don t even want to know her kids for fear that they may think otherwise. I don t want that uncomfortable feeling when i see her.
Andreavic, She is lonely. She has only her kids right now. That s my fear is that she might not be able to seperate the two. I m playing it quiet right now and am going to wait to see if she calls. You re right i am going to have to clarify if it gets uncomfortable. Thanks for all the advice.

This one is pretty simple.Avoid being alone with her suggest something that includes her children and meet her there.That will avoid having to visit her home and most of all you wont have to drop her off after.No ?? of if you should walk her to her door and no possibility of a kiss or invite in.Be nice dont decline after giving your number,that would be just rude.

thanks callonme very sound simple advice. You re right it would be rude.

we all make mistakes when we are lonely especially for a widow like me people mistake lonliness for desperation regarding the lady with the four kids, just be honest and tell her her friendship is welcome but you dont want to start anything new right now, in the beginning when my husband died I went on a web site called j date for jewish singles I had a two year retlationship which this person took advantage of me I hung in there becausse I was so lonely but evenually dumped him I deserve to be treated with kindness considering what I have been through with the loss of my husband and my mom a year before that now I have made some good friendship and when I am ready I will find someone wonderful when I am ready to love again.

thanks for the advice efraim. That s the mistakes that i m trying to avoid. I know i m not ready for a serious relationship. just lonely.

This exact thing happened to me. I was honest with them: my wife left me in January after a 13 year relationship...I'm not really looking for a long-term relationship at this point and so on.

It's good that you are recognizing the possible pitfalls early on.

You're doing better than I have done so far, that's for sure.

I hurt one lady. One lady hurt me. I'm sitting here alone...neither lady will speak to me.

The desperation of loneliness can cause you to make all kinds of bad moves. I'm so desperate to meet people, I will subject myself to all kinds of negative or weird situations.

I'm trying to be honest with people...and I'm trying to be honest with myself most of all. I'm tempted to get involved with all kinds of activities or people that at first seem very appealing...but then I realize...that ain't me. I'm not a daredevil. I'm not a social butterfly. I'm not fashionable. I'm not rich. I'm not a lot of things that I think I am or wish that I am. I have to really discover myself - so that I know what situations I can handle and what people I want to be around. Instead of plunging into a situation that seems attractive at first...but which I later grow weary of later.

Oh the fears and insecurities that kick in! I do the same.

Hi jlou,
First of all, based on what you wrote, most people would find your warm greeting and gentle approach really friendly. If I were that lady, I would not be angry or upset at you at all. I would be quite flattered. Secondly, which is more important, that you confronted your loneliness and actually went out to seek a friend or someone who you can talk to. This is simply called overcoming your fears, and I bow down to you for your courage to do that because I would never confront a stranger and ask for his/her phone #. So take this as a positive experience, yet I understand that you don't feel that way, but hear it from me that you have done a good job confronting your fears.

Best of luck.

thanks guys for the great advice. It is so true that the lonliness does force you into situations that aren t good for you. You just get tired of being alone and any contact is a relief. I just need to keep reminding myself that it is better to be alone than to be in a horrible relationship that I regret. I m still working on my own issues which we have to do alone. No interference. But still it s difficult. Thanks again for all the great and deeply appreciated advice.

Boy do I have a ton of loneliness mistakes! Biggest one right now that I can't seem to break is allowing myself to be my ex's "bootycall". I am so lonely and so desperate for connection that I keep having sex with him even though he has made it clear we will never be together and I just the other day I saw his ad he posted on craigslist looking for Ins sex with cougars. I f*ck him cause I still love him and need so desperately to connect with someone that KNOWS me, not just anyone. And he f*cks me cause he's horny.

crossingthe border, Lonliness is not cured by sex. I m sure you know that. The only way to try and fix yourself is to be alone. This way there is no outside interference which can become a crutch. Therapy would help also, but you need to stop the self destructive behavior. It only makes the lonliness worse. Wait until you find someone worth it. Your belittling yourself.

I signed up for a dating site and I just cannot bring myself to go out with anyone for this very same reason.
They all seem like they are searching for the "love of their life" and all I want to do is get out of the house!

I couldn t agree more. I m not looking for a serious long term relationship but this is what most people want. I ve been there. Now I just want a no drama socializing. Nothing heavy. I ve come to the conclusion that for now it s just not going to happen. It s better to be alone than to be in some bad relationship due to being lonely.