Loneliness Support Group
Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any...
The funny thing was that these few days .. I was not by myself .. I was hanging out with some friends ... I was not alone ... but deep down I was still feeling so lonely ... is there a void that only a special someone can fill?
I met one of my long lost friend (not really met but he found me on FB)... not met him in 20 years ... there was a thing going on with both of us but because of my religious belief ... I decided to end the relationship.... I was 17 years old that time ... still struggling with who I am ... my sexual preferences and a burning desire to serve God with my whole heart and body. God was all I needed .... and nothing will stand in the way. I had dreams of serving God in the missions fields ... touching lives for Him because He came and swept me off my feet ... He alone could satisfy me and fill me ... that was in 1988.... My old friends had finally settled down with his boy friend of 20 years and he is finally at peace with himself.
A lot of changed over the years ... my dreams were crushed ... boyish visions and imaginations replaced with the hard fact of life.. and I came crashing down..... and I think I never fully recovered. Now when I think about this old friend ... I keep thinking of "what if" I had allowed the relationship to continue ... maybe I will not be so lonely now? Maybe I will finally have a companion for life? But I was too late now .... the choices I had made and fought fiercely to maintain what the word of God teaches me ... had left me alone ... struggling inside to be at peace with who I am and having to walk around with a mask among the believers. This had left me very lonely .. and I keep thinking that something is wrong with me ... Recently a girl ( we have known each other a couple of years .. I had feelings for her) told me that she liked me ... and I wanted to be honest with her as I don't want to feel that I am cheating on her .. so I told her that I do have feelings for guys .... and I also have feelings for her ... and I am willing to give it a try if she is willing to work it out with me .. knowing my weakness ... and sexual preferences ... I thought finally I found someone who can work it out with me .. finally I can be accepted for who I am ... I was wrong ... I never heard from her after I poured my heart out and came out to her.
So maybe the choices I made really messed me up .. so here I am ... lonely .... afraid to open up ... and slowly losing the battle to stand .... I guess I am doomed to just bear the burden alone.
I met one of my long lost friend (not really met but he found me on FB)... not met him in 20 years ... there was a thing going on with both of us but because of my religious belief ... I decided to end the relationship.... I was 17 years old that time ... still struggling with who I am ... my sexual preferences and a burning desire to serve God with my whole heart and body. God was all I needed .... and nothing will stand in the way. I had dreams of serving God in the missions fields ... touching lives for Him because He came and swept me off my feet ... He alone could satisfy me and fill me ... that was in 1988.... My old friends had finally settled down with his boy friend of 20 years and he is finally at peace with himself.
A lot of changed over the years ... my dreams were crushed ... boyish visions and imaginations replaced with the hard fact of life.. and I came crashing down..... and I think I never fully recovered. Now when I think about this old friend ... I keep thinking of "what if" I had allowed the relationship to continue ... maybe I will not be so lonely now? Maybe I will finally have a companion for life? But I was too late now .... the choices I had made and fought fiercely to maintain what the word of God teaches me ... had left me alone ... struggling inside to be at peace with who I am and having to walk around with a mask among the believers. This had left me very lonely .. and I keep thinking that something is wrong with me ... Recently a girl ( we have known each other a couple of years .. I had feelings for her) told me that she liked me ... and I wanted to be honest with her as I don't want to feel that I am cheating on her .. so I told her that I do have feelings for guys .... and I also have feelings for her ... and I am willing to give it a try if she is willing to work it out with me .. knowing my weakness ... and sexual preferences ... I thought finally I found someone who can work it out with me .. finally I can be accepted for who I am ... I was wrong ... I never heard from her after I poured my heart out and came out to her.
So maybe the choices I made really messed me up .. so here I am ... lonely .... afraid to open up ... and slowly losing the battle to stand .... I guess I am doomed to just bear the burden alone.
Besides, who's to say that if you'd gotten together with that guy, you'd be happy now? You might have had a good relationship for a short period of time and still be where you are now.
I'm sorry that girl hurt you. It was cruel of her to not even talk to you afterwards. You don't need somebody like that in your life.
You are still young. (My brother just got married and he's 53!) So there is still time for you to find someone to share your life with. Don't give up.
Sometimes it seems like if I could meet other people who have been where I was in the past and understand without judgment, and who are trying to move forward in a positive way in life, too, that would be ideal. Often times, other people are at a different part of their journey and some are able and willing to share a moment, but many are not interested.
I, too have many misgivings and regret the mistakes I made. I like how reckmen says the real life changer is how we pick ourselves up, and how etherize says "we did the best we could with the resources we had then" ... my therapist says first and foremost, we will not permit beating ourselves up for what we did then, because in hindsight, without more support, resources, insight and options, we would make the exact same mistakes again if given the same situation. It is only through accepting our mistakes as learning experiences and forgiving ourselves that we get the insight and move toward resources to help us to do better next time.
Wishing you to find serenity in your journey today. Thank you for sharing.