The last 24 hours have been horrible. I was supposed to leave and visit family in another part of the country. Our friend was going to give my brother and I buddy passes so we can fly with only paying the taxes. We booked the hotel and the car, called everyone including my grandmom. I drove 4 hours south so we could fly together only to find out that he could not get us the passes. It was going to be $1200 each to fly return. We dont have that money. We were able to get a cheap deal on the hotel and the car, and we would not have any spending money. There is no way we could afford that.

After spending a few hours trying to figure out some way to get there, we realized that we cant go. I have never felt so bad in my life and so alone. I was blamed, told to go by myself but I could not afford it. I called my grandmom and she started crying. CRYING. All I can say is that if there is a hell, I am going. I have never felt so so bad in my life. I then had to email one of my cousins and tell them I was not coming. I am sure she is mad, I feel so horrible that we could not afford in the end to go. We didnt want to just arrive without telling anyone.

After fighting with my brother I decided to leave town even though it was late. I got halfway home and then slept for a few hours. I called my fiancee and told him I was on the way home. I told him how much I loved him and was so thankful I had him in my life, then he said my life would be better without him. WTF.

I have never felt so bad or alone in my life. I have never cried so much or felt so sick all at the same time. I just want to curl up in a ball and die I feel so alone and bad about myslef. Bad part is I cant take time off again from work to go :(

Ugh :(