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I think I may be a bad friend.

Stoicism
Stoicism
I thought about it today when I went to my friend's house for his son's birthday party. I bought a last second gift on my way there and just gave it to him in the plastic bag I got from the store. Upon entering the house I saw the banner that said happy 5th birthday. I crumbled the card I had in my hand up and threw it away, I thought he was 4 and I wrote in the card 4th birthday... and when I was asked what it was I lied and said it was just a receipt. Later in the day, his wife asked me if I wanted a picture of their 2 kids, I declined and said I wouldn't know what to do with it. I've never been into pictures anyway, I have almost none of anything, part of having a photographic memory I guess, I have no need for pictures. Fortunately my friends understand that I am different from most people so this was probably considered pretty normal for me.
P00hbear
P00hbear
I think the fact that you cared enough to go is the sign of a good friend - you could have declined to go, and I am sure they appreciate the effort! I consider myself a loyal and caring friend, but I can't remember all of my friend's kids ages, etc. so I wouldn't be too hard on yourself!
chris1976
chris1976
Sorry to disagree, but I have been hurt by people doing that kind of thing. I don't think you are a "bad" friend. I don't think of people as "good" or "bad". I think more in terms of responsibility, and I do think that your actions (not you as a person) were not very responsible.

Yes, things like that do hurt people. Rarely people share their true feelings about it. There's no excuse for leaving things at a last minute; that gives the impression that they are not that important to you, and that's not a nice thing.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You're not a bad friend if you're worrying about being a bad friend. What you could do is bring it up with with your friends and apologize if anything you did upset them. That way you can show that you really weren't trying to cause any harm and also find out if it even bothered them at all in the first place.

I tend to apologize if I rethink a action or conversation at a later time and worry that it might have upset someone. Sometimes people will get their feelings hurt and not say anything because they don't want it to be a big deal. We all make mistakes. Simply apologizing can help.
Calebb
Calebb
Yeah/Stoic, I agree with the others. I think you are a lot better than you are letting on; better in the way you treat people.

The birthday party was a place where things went wrong. So again and again you were hard on yourself. (Like me, I have that tendancy by the way.) In your post I saw no hint that you said anything unfeeling to anyone...

So give yourself more credit.

:) :) (((( )))) Caleb
deleted_user
deleted_user
Maybe by developing good habits and working on keeping them things will improve. For me things have never come automatically without some work.
Stoicism
Stoicism
I felt obligated to go, its the only reason I went. His wife calls me Uncle in front of their kids and I constantly remind them I am not their real Uncle. Speaking of which... I have yet to visit my older brother who just had a baby about 2 months ago to visit my actual niece. Oh well, it's close to the holidays I'll see them then.