Your husband may be true that you lack in self confidencs but when he syas its because of your lack of confidence that people walk away.I don't think its true.
You can be very confident and still have no friends.
I am and used to be a very confident guy but i still don't have much friends.The REASON?
I'll tell u.This i have realised witha lot of pain and hurt but i am glad that i learnt it at an early age.
See until and unless you are going to chase people at the cost of your self worth you would continue to feel hurt.PLZ DON'T BE TAKEN FOR GRANTED BY PEOPLE.
When you said that you called that person 3 times and mailed also its not because you lack in something that the person was not replying,its because you were chasing that person,you were putting your self respect at stake.You should have stopped after 1 or may be 2 calls.When you keep on calling and trying to PLEASE OTHERS you'll continue to frustrate yourself.So try to APPRECIATE AND LOVE YOURSELF UNCONDITIONALLY LIKE YOU LOVE YOUR CHILD.And once you stop giving a shit about people then you would definitly be in a much happier position.
For your self esteem issues i have a video do watch it.Here is the link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3CcVSbXVB4c

TAKE CARE.

I think the more you try with some people, the more they get scared off. Don't try so hard. Keep finding things that focus on your passions in life and let the friends come to you.

Hi, I like what Karanhere has to say, but don't agree with awakened that friends will just come to you. This society is very disconnected, people are busy, and this tends to promote selfishness. I have a very hard time connecting to people - I have a lot of acquaintences I can spend time with, but very few good friends I can count on. I work full time, have two doggies, do volunteer work, and have several athletic and craft type hobbies. None of these things has brought me any connection with people. I meet a lot of people, I'm not shy, but I don't connect in a sense of making a deeper friendship. I have a friend that I thought was more of a friend, and this year I realized she isn't - she's an acquaintence, unfortunately. She called me a lot last year and we hung out, but stopped this year, so I started calling her. When I realized she never called me anymore, I stopped. We still see eachother, but she's not a friend I can count on, and that hurts but I'll have to move on. My point is to try not to take these things personally, and think it is about your looks, etc. I think it is a struggle for a lot of people, even very active, social people like me. I think it's always great to make an effort, and to know when to move on. I have stopped communicating with so many people in these past couple years, just realizing they are one-sided, and guess what? I stopped calling, and so did they. Where do you draw the line? However, there are the few steadfast and true that will keep in touch no matter what. It's finding those people that's hard, and I still get lonely when I think I have a new friend then realize I don't. I'll keep trying, though! Hang in there, try not to get discouraged, and give yourself more credit for who you are...

people dont care how you look, and if they do that much you probobly dont want them around.

for your own health i would work on your depression and self esteem.

someone on the boards once told me to find things you like doing and do them well. well enough that you can talk about it endlessly and find other people that enjoy the same thing. easy start to connect.

i took the advice and its already starting to work.
but as someone said, even with all your efforts not all connections are deep and you have to accept that as not being a reflection of who you are.

Your words... "I must be a blank...." I hope you will begin to watch how you say things. Why would you blame yourself for someelses behavior? If someone is not reacting the way that works for you, consider that they may be: overwhelmed, busy, broke, depressed, shy, or a handful of things that just wont allow them to call or make plans.

Then, decide what sort of friend you want, then be that sort of friend, if you are making new friends, you do not want to freak them out with "neediness", and you may want to casually suggest something that interests them, if they have said they like to go antiquing or shopping for clothes, suggest a trip out to a antique store, dont make a big deal out of it, ask if they are busy, first.. it is polite. When I call a friend, I say "hi, its me, do you have a minute to talk"? then I say what are you doing this weekend? then say I would love to see you, I want to go to Lowes and get some flowers for my garden, would you go with me and help pick out some good colors? Or if they say something wishy washy, Tell them you just made some home made cookies or soup, and you want to drop some by for her and her family...

or invite them over for a BBQ, it takes a long time to become friends, invite two girls to go, so there are three or four, or say we are meeting some friends up at the club/restaurant/bar on saturday to play pool, or sing kareoke, or listen to music... would you and your hubby like to meet us up, heck you might not even like that person once you get to know them, so dont go all out, they may drive you crazy... if you feel that you want a good friend, you have to be that sort of friend to everyone first, expecting nothing back.

I also know that now more than ever people just dont have the kind of time they used to, nor the money... take it slow, take it easy, and try not to think about one person being able to satisfy your friendship needs.... get a ton of friends..

smiles

I thought of something else too. If you are overweight, and really think that people dont want to be friends with you because of that, you are trying to beat yourself up, I say.. big deal that you didnt finish college, if it bugs you, why not go back to school? if you are overweight, get a dog and go walking in the park with headphones and great music every day and I promise you, that you will drop weight, but skinny people have low self esteem too. If you are constantly taking your own temperature... how do I feel, am I lonely and I depressed, am I happy? what would I like? or that sort of thing, then you will never be satisfied, if you turn it all around and start doing things that will actually help people you will have more joy in your heart than you will know what to do with, you will be giggeling and laughing all the time and others will wonder, what in the world is she so happy for? People love to be around happy people. So, take all of your old Opera magazines to a nursing home or your drs office (cross through your name if you have them mailed) take your extra clothes, curlers, blankets and stuff you know you are never going to use again to the womens shelter, (for battered women), offer to make a covered dish for an older couple or lady down the street, then bring them a lovely dinner, with a salad, and tell them or her that you will come the next day to get your dish. If your children are done with some toys, rinse them in bleach water, dry them and take them to the nearest hospital that has a childrens cancer ward, or burn ward, they will love you for it,

Books too, write small notes to people and mail them snail mail,,, telling them you are thinking about them and wish them well, get a list together of people you care about, even mail them to your husband and kids, it is thrilling for them, send cards out... just because, happy Easter, happy 4th of July, have get togethers at your home, then you will have so many friends you will be amazed. Ask a girl if she wants to start walking with you, and dont let it slow you down or stop you if she says not or cant go one day,, (that is why I say get a dog, they always always want to go)..

Ok I have given all I know, how to turn from being lonely to be extremly not lonely... it is you, you have to be the kind of person people want to be around... fun, happy, ready to go do...what ever...

good luck!

I am shy,too. But, our differences is that you have a husband, YOU GREAT GAL, you. You once surpassed shyness to have a husband maybe there are ways you can work on your shyness now.

hey lovely
i just joined the group because i am lonely he he funny that
anyway i read your discussion
and thought to drop you a line and say
im a tall slender woman confident and friendly but i dont make friends im in that age bracket whereby im a threat to other woman cause im single
Men scare me too so i steer clear of them
no role model growing up i dont know how to make friends either
anyway just a hello and i wish you lots of friends im trying to visualise them so they appear im serious :)

I used to have bad pimples and it's possible that you have a food allergy or some other kind of allergy that is triggering a profound histamine reaction. I get seriously bad skin when I'm around things that I'm allergic to for too long, which is a lot of things. Also try switching to cleansers and clothes detergents and soaps that are dye and fragrance free and are hypo-allergenic. And eating healthier foods and cutting back deserts and junk food to nil will help your immune system as well as your weight. You might also want to consult with an endocrinologist if you suspect that your weight is genetic or biological. Sometimes it's a thyroid condition or similar.

I suggest these things first because they are related to self-care and participating in those is good for your self-esteem and will help ease the way. It's also a type of learning that can expand your social circle to include others who are striving for better well-being. Some of those people will have the same or similar issues and may be more accepting and warm. I think it's great that you're going to see the dermatologist. Let that be just a first step. Keep going on that type of progress.

As you show more self-care and focus on your wellness, people will start to respect you more and be more understanding. There will always be unfairness and insensitivity, but it can be mitigated a little bit this way.

Spend some time every day, no matter what, to make a list of true GOOD, honorable, admirable, respectable, aesthetically pleasing things about yourself. This is what we should all do, and it can help you to stave off the self-hate. It's hard at first, but if you're honest with yourself, you'll remember good things past, and present about yourself, including your accomplishments and how well you've been coping with adversity.

People Do discriminate, but that's THEIR loss. They are missing out on your company, not the other way around.

You're not boring, you're reduced-drama. You're not a geek, you're an intellectual. You may be obese, but at least you're a realist in acknowledging that. Realism is a desirable trait. It means that you embrace facts. And facts can be used to create change. Your idea to volunteer is a really really good idea. And also keep searching for healthy hobbies that nourish your intellect and creativity. There have been plenty of college dropouts who still went on to be successful.

Keep hangin' on, hanginOn.
Peace. :-)