Loneliness Support Group
Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any...
Hello,
It was so nice to have found this great community. Hope you got the patience to read this long post.
I don't know about you, but I live in a country where I don't fit to all common habits people follow in general.
I'm from Brazil and I live close to the shore, which contains a lot of beautiful beaches and it's sunny all year round.
People around here are obviously bound to done the same things in their spare times. They go to the beach, watch soccer games, go to barbecues. Watch a lot of TV, watch UFC championships, and don't miss the TV on a sunday night, on the most watched Brazilian Network.
In contrast, I read books about various subjects, I surf the internet looking for all kinds of information. Don't keep up to date with sports. Like to stay at home, don't watch Brazilian TV at all, because it's not appealing to me.
I go to the beach once in a while, but if it's a good book to read or a nice series to watch, you'll find me there. People regard of me as an intellectual and say I'm a old lady in the body of a young woman.
Sometimes, I hang out with my friends, because we love to have a beer or too. But then I'm back to my lonely little life.
I live alone, because I realized it was time to leave my parents (I'm 31). I don't cook, I order take outs (healthy ones). I work out, take care of myself. I have a good job, and no financial issues.
Now, to the differences I found in my train-wreck-relationships:
* I don't cook: guys argued that I should learn some cooking to provide.
* I study French and German after work, just for cultural curiosity and with no immediate goals. It's a hobby: I should be at home by that time, unless I'm doing something that shows a goal or improvements in my career.
* I work late, developing an important project: I should be at home taking care of them.
* I study on weekends: I should be 100% available to him. But when I don't study, they say I should be studying in order to increase my career prospects.
* when on vacation, I travel a lot. But people don't understand my motives, as they never thought about traveling to the same destinations I choose. So they say, to have a relationship, I should give up travelling.
These are just some of the examples I got. And there's another thing. Due to my job and my income, guys generally don't show the same financial conditions to provide at home, and it all falls onto me. As they can't keep it up, they think of themselves as entitled to receive everything and giving nothing. At the same time, they complain that I work a lot.
So, after all of this, I usually feel overwhelmed and break up the relationships. It's always a relief, because I eliminate a nuisance that was not bringing joy to my life, but trying to change my habits so that I could suit to them.
I wish I didn't have to pursue someone with the same income, because that would be unnatural.
My parents are both teachers, intellectual people. They regret raising me in a cultural environment that help me develop a taste for studying.
Because intellectuals are considered boring.
Even though I can talk about anything, I'm boring and lonely.
Wish you all the best
loner31
It was so nice to have found this great community. Hope you got the patience to read this long post.
I don't know about you, but I live in a country where I don't fit to all common habits people follow in general.
I'm from Brazil and I live close to the shore, which contains a lot of beautiful beaches and it's sunny all year round.
People around here are obviously bound to done the same things in their spare times. They go to the beach, watch soccer games, go to barbecues. Watch a lot of TV, watch UFC championships, and don't miss the TV on a sunday night, on the most watched Brazilian Network.
In contrast, I read books about various subjects, I surf the internet looking for all kinds of information. Don't keep up to date with sports. Like to stay at home, don't watch Brazilian TV at all, because it's not appealing to me.
I go to the beach once in a while, but if it's a good book to read or a nice series to watch, you'll find me there. People regard of me as an intellectual and say I'm a old lady in the body of a young woman.
Sometimes, I hang out with my friends, because we love to have a beer or too. But then I'm back to my lonely little life.
I live alone, because I realized it was time to leave my parents (I'm 31). I don't cook, I order take outs (healthy ones). I work out, take care of myself. I have a good job, and no financial issues.
Now, to the differences I found in my train-wreck-relationships:
* I don't cook: guys argued that I should learn some cooking to provide.
* I study French and German after work, just for cultural curiosity and with no immediate goals. It's a hobby: I should be at home by that time, unless I'm doing something that shows a goal or improvements in my career.
* I work late, developing an important project: I should be at home taking care of them.
* I study on weekends: I should be 100% available to him. But when I don't study, they say I should be studying in order to increase my career prospects.
* when on vacation, I travel a lot. But people don't understand my motives, as they never thought about traveling to the same destinations I choose. So they say, to have a relationship, I should give up travelling.
These are just some of the examples I got. And there's another thing. Due to my job and my income, guys generally don't show the same financial conditions to provide at home, and it all falls onto me. As they can't keep it up, they think of themselves as entitled to receive everything and giving nothing. At the same time, they complain that I work a lot.
So, after all of this, I usually feel overwhelmed and break up the relationships. It's always a relief, because I eliminate a nuisance that was not bringing joy to my life, but trying to change my habits so that I could suit to them.
I wish I didn't have to pursue someone with the same income, because that would be unnatural.
My parents are both teachers, intellectual people. They regret raising me in a cultural environment that help me develop a taste for studying.
Because intellectuals are considered boring.
Even though I can talk about anything, I'm boring and lonely.
Wish you all the best
loner31
There's a huge number of people who never read another book after high school. I guess reading is boring to them, not exciting, like housewives flipping tables over in restaurants or being famous for being drunk. The same people who might say smart people are boring are the ones who like to talk about their "street smarts".
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"You just have to do your own thing, no matter what anyone says. It's your life."
Ordinary individuals talks of ppl, and
Serious ppl talk about ideas.
More later :)
Sometimes, I think it's possible that there isn't a right guy, that my fate is to be alone.
And, as the lonely child I am, I fear dying alone. But maybe it'll not be that bad. Everybody fears the future, we just need to cope with that, right?
Thank you so much for your company! It's very important to me.
It just seems like you're meeting guys who are not your match. They don't understand who you are at all.
Yes, it is true, that women must conform to stereotypes, in order to be acceptable to men.
Well, you have the guts to not conform. If your fate has it for you, there will be someone who will respect your individuality and originality.
If not, so be it! You are sufficient unto yourself.
When I tried to conform myself into some kind of pattern, I used to date a lot more. But eventually I got sick of it and wanted to go back being myself. I guess as you get older, you just wanna be yourself. I took sometime to open up and show, but it's much more comfortable.
Wherever it comes, so be it. We all can handle what comes.
Thanks a lot for the insight!
Thank you!
Perhaps the most significant relationship anyone can have is with themselves. It sounds as if you understand this. In my family of strong women, there is a saying "illigitimum non corborundum" ( don't let the idiots grind you down), that might be appropriate.
Another from Finding Nemo may also apply "Just keep swimming"... no matter what!
If those "train-wreck relationships" are draining, avoid guys like that. I hear Latinos are the worst for trying to control women. Focus on cultivating intellectually stimulating friendships instead, and hook up with some guy who is just looking for a fling when you need sex, with a rubber, of course, as Brazil, next to Africa, is the epicenter of the AIDS epidemic.
"I'm from Oxfordshire."
"Is that a desert country?"
"No. Fat country. Fat people."
"You are not fat?"
"No. I'm different."
And God knows Lawrence was a loner too! He didn't really fit in anywhere. But he was interesting.
My opinion, you're not the problem, the guys are. They're telling u that u should learn how to cook in order to provide? Ummmm...they can learn how to cook also; if they want to eat, that is :-)
You are just different like everybody else. You may not be your "average person" but , so what? You are an achiever in the making. NOT a bad thing AT ALL. And, whether it's weekends or not, you should never be available to ur guy 100%.
All intellects aren't boring hun. Boring is relative in any event.
I think you should love yourself for who you are & who you are becoming. A successful young lady. To adjust yourself for anyone would only be detrimental to you.
You don't have to pursue someone with the same income as yourself. Pursue someone who accepts you totally for who you are & share common interests. That way, it will be less compromising & less work in the relationship. Hope this helps.
Of course we can be friends! And I liked very much all you've just said, but the last paragraph was the most important. It's better to find someone who accepts and loves me the way I am.
I try to be organized, but I'm not so successful. It's not something I was born with. Not something I learned from my parents either. But, as I hate chaos (just like you), it's the best way to get things done and keep it up with my plans.
Thank you!
Wish you the best!