Hy Jo-My name is Jerry and i live in Northern California on a small farm in the mountains.Im not gay but i think your photo of yourself shows a varry handsome young man who will not have a problem with attracting beautifull woman who you would love to share your life with.I know you feel like your living in a foreign land with not much of a social life for you but i think by reading your journal you have the ability to learn and create a positive future for yourself. As far as getting droped by a girl that you think you really loved ,well like they say get in line like the rest of us.Trying to figure out why you were dropped will turn you into an old man by the time you figure it out.All you can do is live life and see what comes next.I wish i was there to see what a different country and continent looks like and what the people are like.Even if you want to leave in the future your knoledge and memories of the place your in now is far more than most of us will ever get to expierence.Please stick around and share your life with us.

Yeah I can help ya. All of us can. I posted this on your journal too.

I think maybe you are just learning that everything in life does not last forever. Sooner or later things go away, and u have no control over it sometimes. And it seems like each of these situations, you had no control over any of them. And that makes it much harder to accept. But it is ok that u couldn't do anything about those things because, sometimes u r not suppose to. Your job is just to "accept" that a lot of times things wont go the way you would like them to. That's why it is important for u to keep searching for the things in life that make "u" happy, that fulfill "you". You know, the things that no body can ever ever take from u, the things that don't leave u. Like,, your interests, things u like to do to be involved in even if you do those things by yourself without people. Your talents, like, maybe you like to play musical instruments; or sports or build things like wood construction work, or work on cars. These are all things that if u like or love doing them, it doesn't matter if someone else is doing them with u. And you can replace those feelings of lonliness with, the things u like to do, that way, you can get over and get past the painful things that have happened to you, to where one day, you will be able to be in love with someone else. This does not mean u have to stop loving the girl u lost. What u do with her is, you just move her over to the side of your heart, far enough away, that you will have plenty of room in your heart for a new girl. That's what I've had to do. It's been 31 years and i still love a man I wanted to spend my whole life with and can't. He crosses my path every few years or so for the past 31 years now, and it is very painful for both of us to walk away, but we know we have to. So i do know how deep that kind of whailing crying pain goes. I even had a nervous breakdown that lasted 7 years over that man I could not live my life with. I'm over it now, and I know I will always love him. I have learned to move him over to the side of my heart to make room for a different man for me to fall in love with. And I keep him private, tucked away in my heart, just for "me". And I think everyone needs to have that "love privacy" to help get them thru the rough times, especially when there is no one else around. Maybe that's what u r suppose to do with this girl you love so much.

You have to work "with" the loneliness and not "against" it, by telling yourself that it is ok to feel lonly. We're suppose to sometimes. It gives us a chance to meet up and make friends with people who are also struggling with loneliness. Since I no longer work "against" feeling lonly, it's not as bad as it use to be, and I have no one. No family (but 1 niece I email at times) and i have no face to face friends. Out here all by myself. Depending only on God to meet everything I need. And He does.

I feel exactly the same. I have a couple of friends who I see now and then, but for the most part it's just me and my family, but on thursday i'm going to see if my parents can take me to a church group to meet people. Maybe you could participate in something like a church group or something of that nature or find a group on meetup.com in ur area and try to meet new people. And I'm always here for you if you need to talk. Don't give up!