She said she loved you. I think this could be true but your mom has problems that are preventing her from staying. It's not nice feeling lonely.

You have a lot of reasons for your mental distress. Please do not accept alcohol or drugs to deal with your pain. Talking to counselors and learning about CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) will give you tools to help avoid self-defeating thoughts about you prior life. These circumstances often creates victims and you do not want to be one. Likely you will have difficulty in finding peace in your life. Get some guidance and let them know that you will continue to need their help for awhile.

thank you all,
i am trying to find myself through all my pain but its so hard. my mental illnesses are not helping..
i am seeing a therapist and im on meds.. i have to much problems and im almost 17..

You have a very rough journey ahead of you. What you need to know (if no one has told you yet) is that when someone has an addiction, they cannot put their focus on anything or anyone except the next drink or high.

Usually , they are trying to escape from something too painful in their own life. When your birthmom did say she loved you and wanted to be with you, she most likely did mean it, but sadly, if she is unable to come to terms and care about herself enough to get free of the booze /drugs to face her own issues, she can not possibly be there yet for you .

This is not because of anything you did or didn't do. And there is not a magic cure (like you being perfect) to bring her back sooner

. My hope is that you realize that your adoptive parents and others iam sure do care about you. My thoughts and prayers are with you that you may find compassion, strength and courage from God and many others to know you are very special and loved. Hugs.

It's not you, it's her. Until she is truly ready, you need to let her go and do whatever it is she feels she needs to do. As long as you are holding on to the hope of something she clearly is not ready for, you are going to drive yourself crazy. Move on with your life, do what makes you happy. Live your life and it will get easier. When she is ready, she will seek you out if that is what she wants. If not, it's her loss.

Kind of relate to your feelings my mum had me age 14 my dad was slightly older he died aged 21 from heroin od i never knew him im a loner in life my only friend my wife died last November i am so alone now.

its hard for me to find my way because it feels like i am like addicted to my mom and addicted to being hurt. its like in cant stop thinking of her i forgive her no matter what. i keep letting her in but in that process i keep getting hurt. i cant stop loving her.. if my birth mom got hurt i would do anything to help her. i would die for her.
is something wrong with me? i like being hurt because I can feel something deeper than the surface, i trust the wrong people. i love the wrong people.
the wierd thing is my family that cares about me and will do anything for me i dont love i cant let them in. i don't know why. is there something wrong with me?

So my parents were dysfunctional and I had many bad feelings about them even now. Then one day I realized that they were both mentally ill to have treated me so badly and be abusive. It is not an excuse but the reason why people treat us badly. You mother has issues which prevent her from functioning normally just like my parents. No it isn't easy to accept. You are in many ways blessed to have been adopted as your new parents chose you out of pure love. I never new this love. God bless you and I hope you can accept her as is.