the only way i can say this is in a very direct way that may upset you, so i will apologize in advance, because what i have to say is sincere and not intended to make you feel worse, but i feel compelled to speak honestly especially when i don't have the words to say it in a tactful beat-around-the-bush way. i will start by saying that it appears that you are not here for help but sympathy and i may very well be wrong however know that even though there are people who been through what you been through or dealing with what you're dealing with and even though people may sympathize with you, sympathy will not change whatever it is you're going through. I want to make clear i am not judging you but stating my opinion based on what you have written so do not take it to heart for i may not know what i am talking about however i will say what is on my mind...it appears to me that you spent 20 yrs feeling sorry for yourself and getting nowhere. it seems you want a gf and i will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume for all the right reasons, but have you taken the time to wonder why things have not worked out for you? what is it about yourself or your action, is it something you can improve within, is it you or is it them. have you gave it thought that things simple didn't work out because it wasn't meant to be....all the question one would or should ask themselves when they wonder why things not working out, and have the desire to make changes whether by way of thinking, attitude, etc. if you was to have someone with you right now what do you have to offer them emotional, personality wise.

lastly i hope that you're not desperate for someone simply so you would not be alone as a tool to fill a void because if thats the attitude you have its a recipe for heartache for if or when they leave your side you are back where you started. with that being said instead of feeling sorry for yourself, work on being confident. focus on working and bettering yourself in whatever areas that may be. become strong and confident to the point that you won't be in whatever state of mind you may be in now, to the point that you can be happy no matter what, as oppose to wallowing in self pity, that way when things don't work out in any potential relationship, you are still able to keep your head held high and move on to the next one.

now i say again, don't take what i have to say personally, my insight is only based on what you have written, not advise, but my own observation. this is my honest thoughts from me to you. if it encourages you in any way good, if not you, then someone else even better.

i wish you the best and hope one day maybe soon you have that special someone in your life you so look forward to having.

jasper: That IS pretty honest!

Hey, jasper, date YOURSELF. You ARE that "special someone". You have to believe that.

The Billy Joel song comes to mind: "Ho--nesty...is SUCH a lonely word...everyone is so un-true...ho-nesty...is hardly ever heard...but mostly what I need from you!"

And then, to quote Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men: "You can't handle the truth!" If you really knew what people in your in-person travels were thinking, of you, of themselves and of others, you'd be shocked. Sometimes sugar-coating is best.

You want a kind, giving soul, and then you'll give back, I get it. Be kind to yourself. Try to relax about all this stuff. Be content.

I'd like you know what your definition of "date" is. Are you looking for a long term partnership, just someone to go out and have a fun time with, or a sexual hookup?

The first one is very hard to obtain and takes time to develop that kind of closeness with someone. It's not something that happens over night.

The other two are a lot easier. There are plenty of people just looking to go out to a movie or dinner and chat. And there are even more people just looking for a one night stand with no commitments.