I know. It’s hard being alone but hard being with people too, especially if they’re strangers. I’m in the same boat after moving to a strange town by myself as an older person and not knowing anyone.

I know, it’s harder for me to make friends as I get older. Harder to trust. It’s been so long since I’ve had a partner or someone that I can trust. I have 2 close friends but they have families. It would be nice to have 1 or 2 single close friends to hang out with.

How old is older? I will say that when we get out of school where we are around people our own age, it does take more effort to meet new people and do social things. Then as we age and get to be near retirement age, it can get even harder. I also find it hard to get other real people to want to socialize or even do a phone call. I can be exhausting but the alternative is so negative for us. Which is why we are on the loneliness forum, right?

I too would like one or two people to hang out with. i have made the effort with some work colleagues and suggested things to do but they tend to let me down and cancel. they will make plans and for example suggest going to the cinema , on holidays, gym etc but they dont follow through. i feel like giving up already.
when they need support i drop everything to help them but it is not reciprocated. even my adult children dont make any effort unless they want money, childcare or to moan about their partners. i feel like i am becoming a bitter old woman.

@Tropicaloo
My boat took me to a whole different country! It's hard to connect with people when your childhood base of friends is across the world. Town or country, starting from scratch is not easy!

@jenkcat
As we get older, trust is a luxury. We have seen it all and it's easy to spot the fair weather friends. Even one real friend makes a huge difference! Sadly, you can't order one off Amazon..

@urbangardener
I am a sneeze away from the "get off my lawn" age and even if I make an effort, I end up with contact list "friends" that pop up from the woodwork when they need bodies for an event or to sell something! Mm.. What's a phone call?

@cottontail
Oh you are not bitter, just tired of being used as an emotional waste basket. I have the same experience with coworkers.. Everything just feels forced and fake, not worth the stress. Sit your kids down and tell them: "Listen here, you little punks! We are having a Mommy day and we are going to have fun! Or else! " Worked for my mother.. Once..

I had a funny thing happen today. I went to a small group meeting, all women. One of the ladies was saying she was very isolated and was losing her social skills. Covid is bad here again. I said to her, I will call you. And she said no thanks, I don't like phone calls and having to give people my time when they want it and I don't want it.

Okay, scratch her off my list of people I want to pursue as friends I guess. I did end up calling her and leaving a voice message because she also spoke up when the bully started bullying one person. But I don't expect her to call me back. I just wanted to thank her for speaking up.

So I kinda realized many people may not have a "being a friend" mentality. This situation today in our group has me kind of bummed and thinking of not trying for a while. At least she is honest about the limitations of her need for interaction with other people.

@urbangardener
That lady is a selfish you know what.. People like that expect others to cater to them then complain when they encounter the same mindset. The friend mentality got lost long time ago. Technology offers us instant gratification. We no longer work on maintaining friendships because people became contacts. Shoot a quick text and that's your socializing for the day. I don't remember the last time I had a non-work related phone call and I don't miss them. Unfortunately the little snippets of communication do not build a lasting friendship and one contact replaces another and soon we look at our phones and wonder how come we have so many people and yet we are alone. At least you reached out. That's all you can do.

Groups can be very cliquey too. I’ve tried several for volunteering but they only want to let their friends in or people who are exactly like them. Bit sad really.

Reading the comments from you all has cheered me somewhat because I was beginning to think it was just me!
I have also experienced pretty much all the situations you all describe. It can be so disheartening and when I make an effort with people I have started to feel a bit like I'm trying too hard.
The pandemic has certainly not helped has it?!
Sending warm wishes to you all and happy to talk any time.