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Gave up a friendship

heretic
heretic
I gave up a friendship. It was a very good friendship too.
She was caring and loyal, kind and understanding.

But her life took a drastic turn two years ago. Her mom
died and she inherited a lot of things, like a condo and
a car etc. So she moved out of state to live in the condo
and made a new life for herself. But she was still my friend
talking to me on the phone and encouraging me.

But I couldn't stand listening to how much better her life
is now. How much better her life is than mine. She turned
62 when her mom died and so got to stop working and
collect social security. I hate working and envied her days
of leisure. I envied everything about her life and felt very
sorry for myself, not having any of the good things she has.

So I quit talking to her. Quit answering her calls and texts.
Then last week she sent me a birthday card, asking why
I'd quit talking to her. So I sent her an email explaining
that is was just to painful to listen to all the good things she
has while my life is in the toilet.

She hasn't responded. After all, what could she say? I told
her it wasn't her "fault", it's just the way things worked out.
I've missed her terribly over the months but can't get past
the pain of listening to how well her life is going.

Envy cost me a friendship, the likes of which I'll never find
again. I am in mourning. And yet feel ok about protecting
myself from the pain. I wish things has worked out differently.
PinterestFan
PinterestFan
When you hurt someone, and ditch them, and it's completely and totally about jealousy and envy, you don't feel bad about it?

I hope she has other people that care about her. Money makes life so much easier, but people need kind, caring people in their lives, too.. I would gladly give up the money I got when my father died, to have one person still in this world, who actually cared about me.
heretic
heretic
I do feel bad about it, and think I am a very bad person. I know she has other people who care about her and am glad about that. I still care about her, I just can't seem to get past the envy, which makes me a very bad person.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Heretic,

I respect your strength to admit your envy. Maybe you could use some of that strength to reach out to her. Maybe (in the "strength" regard,) she is weak, and doesn't know how to mend her friendship with you. If you take that first step, to say "What has become of us?" maybe you can recapture that friendship. And, if along the way of healing that rift, she mentions her posessions, her money, her riches [either in wealth or in friends,] you can [kindly] ask her to be mindful of your position in life. At the same time YOU remember: you reached out to her, you are stronger. Perhaps you have the strength that she only wishes she had.

Just my $.02. :)

I wish you strength and happiness.

- Z
deleted_user
deleted_user
:0)

its a puzzle that will add wisdom when you learn to forgive yourself.. and accept the fact that you are human and doing the best you can...

you are not bad...

the ways of our human development are still very wrong in the way we all have used materialism to keep us separated from the truth that we are all equal...

be here friend ... and push thru the envy part and rise above it if you can...

she will always be the one you love ... and her expressing her happiness should be a good thing...

be happy for her...in your heart... and be aware that that happiness is the real part of the relationship...

let it grow...

doing other wise will be harmful and that will grow like a weed also...

but have negative effects... like you feel now...

but i can see that you have the inner strength to overcome this and use it as a life tool to be more of the person you really are

let us help you to work it out ...

:0)
deleted_user
deleted_user
This doesn't make you "bad," but human. But if you realize you are hurting yourself too, you might be able to overcome your jealousy. Friendship, for me anyway, is so hard to come by, I would do just about anything for it.
P00hbear
P00hbear
I does take a lot of courage to admit the envy and be honest - and it's a natural feeling - most of us see someone we perceive as having better lives than ours and it is often harder to be happy for them than it is to be envious of them. I usually only get envious when it seems like the person does not deserve it - otherwise I try to be happy for them, and to recognize and be thankful for the blessings in my life. I am sure your friend is hurt that you are not happy for her, at the same time when she knows you are hurting she could be more sensitive about talking about all these great things - at least balance it a little bit - she should be able to share, but not all the time. Don't beat yourself up for being honest, try to learn from this and move forward the best you can. Also, it may not be too late to get that friend back, if you want it - if she is as caring as you say she'll listen and understand.
heatherhurts
heatherhurts
I kinda know how you feel. I have recently lost a good friend because of her abusive relationship and her lies to me surrounding it. She picked the abusive relationship over our friendship. Ouch. I became unable to believe her cover ups. We stopped being friends, but I do miss her, especially our phone calls.

I am looking for new friends. Slow and tedious, but ultimately worth it.

I hope things work out for you. We can always chat.

heatherhurts