Hey THELETTER,

What I would do....and this is just me. But if I were you. I would try not to put too much heart and emotion into your friends....too much too soon. I mean dont get me wrong. It's always good to care and be sensitive to friends and consider them close etc. Especially if you work with them. Maybe that came out wrong. I just dont take everything to the heart. I guess that's a better way of saying it. Try to not let it bother you if a friend comes and goes.

Cause then you're gonna get your feelings hurt every time a friend comes and goes. I've learned people come and go in our lives....sucks. Totally sucks at times.....but it happens....trust me...this I know. So if you dont keep a friend or lose a friend or whatever...just remember the good from them that you learned and shared....memories...etc.

Now if it's within your abilities to be in contact....then do it! There is nothing wrong with that. Cause your friend may not remember everything you said or did for her but will remember how you made her feel...that's a quote I keep on my wall in my office.....just makes sense to me. Anyhow. It's a very good idea that you go back and talk to her every once in a while if you can. Unless she is totally giving you the cold shoulder.......then that would be a whole nother story.

Anyhow....this is just my opinion based on friends I have and had. I try not to take everything to the heart when it comes to friends......like I used to. Cause then it would bother me through out the day and I didnt like that......so now I accept and respect every friend I have......enough to not let them determine my feelings to a degree......cause no matter what....were human........

sorry for the long ass reply.
~joe

It is rare you have a true friendship with co-workers. They generally are simply associates.

I have to agree with mgs -- it took me a long time to figure that one out but it is so true.

I know how you feel! I have always been that girl who people are friends with until something better comes along. It almost felt like they were ur friends when it was convenient for them. They would leave and come crawling back...me being the person I am always went back and it happened all over again. I guess what I am trying to say is you deserve better and if she is a true friend...things will pick up..she may be having problems adjusting to being in the back

TheLetter12,

I'm sorry that this has happened to you. It can be very sad when you make a connection with someone and then it ends.

It is part of life that friends come and go. Situations change. Friends move away, etc. But I don't think you should give up if you really enjoy this person's company. You obviously won't have the same relationship at work with the IMs if she doesn't have a computer. But maybe you could invite her to lunch or ask her to a movie. If she isn't interested in meeting outside of work, then it will give you a clear answer on where she stands regarding being friends.

Good luck. I hope it works out for you.

Hi there! I totally agree with Tek-Joe. It took me a long time to understand that whenever I met a new person with a friendly disposition I would pour all my heart onto her, and then she would leave me for something better. Now I just take things as they come. My new resolution is to first find enough common ground; then to look if we are making a reasonable bond, and third to either take a step back or to continue working on that bond. Hopefully a friendship will flower.
Please forgive my long reply. One other factor that I have spotted about my character is the obvious "need" to make a friend that I demonstrate, so I come on too strong too quickly. People are turned off by needy people like me. So now I am working on this as well.

I think you should keep approaching your friend, in a casual, not-desperate way, and see what happens. Who knows--maybe she thinks YOU have written HER off. You said you wish she would try and keep the friendship going. Why should it all be up to her? I know from experience that we lonely and/or shy people tend to want the other person to do most of the work, but it can be worth it to make an effort. I had a work friend who left my job a few months ago. I was heartbroken because I was crazy about her; she was so caring and outgoing and funny. She still lives nearby but is very busy. She called me twice since she left, and then I called her twice, and then nothing for awhile. I didn't call her, just to see if she'd call me. I got all hurt about it, thought she was rejecting me, instead of being logical and chalking up to how busy she was. When we finally got together the other day, she said, "You know you can call me anytime! And drop by whenever my car is in the driveway; I'd like to see you." I felt pretty silly for thinking she hated me!

Oh, and if you do keep making efforts to stay friends with her, be a GIVER and not a TAKER and I think you will be better received. We lonely people can come off as a little selfish sometimes, I think. Make sure you show interest in HER some of the time.

the same thing has happened to me as well. i have had several friends, one who you been with through thick & thin. some of them for quite a while. 5 or 8 years some of them. it is the same thing all the time. they seem th have dropped of the planet, no warning no arguments nothing. no clue at all. one day is like the rest and then boom nothing. i have tried to contact them but it is useless. i can not find or contact them where they went. i do not know what is wrong is it me? now i have no friends no one because i do not want this to happen any more. it is too painful. not knowing. left hanging on a rope what is a person to do living this way?

I agree with and understand many of the people on this board. I consider my co-workers to be acquaintences, never friends, really. If I keep in touch with someone after I have left a job, maybe they are a friend, but during a job, they are acquaintences that make work more enjoyable for me, nothing more. I too used to be very needy and really pursue my friendships right away, but that did not work and I usually ended up getting hurt. However, most people when they leave, just leave because of varying interests, lack of bonding, etc. I no longer consider it a personal affront, as if they left for the next best thing, but just a fact of life. I have several friends I treasure that I know will not leave - otherwise it remains to be seen whether a bond will continue - meanwhile like Tek I'll enjoy the friendship and the times we have together. A true friendship takes time, and I can't say I won't be hurt when people leave, but I take it in stride now. Additionally, I admit I have been the one to leave as well - if I feel a person is not being reciprocal in the friendship, I drop it and don't pursue it - my time is valuable too, and I won't spend it pursuing someone who does not truly reciprocate or add to my life, and I have had to drop several friendships over the past couple years. Hang in there, and look for new friends/acquaintences and hobbies if you can...

Sometimes friendships ebb and flow with time. Try to be happy for your friend that she has new work (was it a promotion?) and coworkers she enjoys being with. Maybe you can't chat every day but maybe you can still keep a friendship that's just a little different.

I don't/Cant believe in frienships or love anymore

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

What are you??? Are you a Reason a Season or a Lifetime?

Pay attention to what you read. After you read this, you will know the reason it was sent to you! People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON. . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong
doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

Then people come into your life for a SEASON. Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind
but friendship is clairvoyant.

THANK YOU for being a part of my life.


Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt, and
dance like no one is watching.


Looking for friends are like seasons poem?



"This poem was given to me about three years ago... by a good friend." I hope that it is of some help to you.

I BUMPED AN OLD POST ON FRIENDSHIPS I THINK MIGHT HELP.

Thank you for the reason season lifetime post. I think it can be hard to realise that others might view what we thought were permanent friendships as reasons, or seasons, but sometimes it must be done. Thanks for helping me a bit through my grief about this.

unfortunately people and friends to come and go in our lives, some just move on, it has happened to me, and probably loads of others as well, perhaps you could pop for a chat now and again and perhaps give her your phone number if she wants to contact you,
put the ball in her court so to speak.
take care.