Children suffer plenty when their parents split -- they look and act the same, but it hurts them. Unless their father told them he wants nothing more to do with them, unless he ends all contact with them, he isn't abandoning them.

Your entire marriage wasn't a waste. It just didn't work out, despite
everything you endured, and all the chances you gave him.

I hope things work out well for everyone concerned.
-----------------------------------------------------
"Be strong enough to let go and patient enough to wait for what you deserve."

sorry sneakers I am going out on limb that the signs were there a long time ago and you hung in there because you were married....but that was a paper license for marriage not a commitment from him it sounds to me like....It is too late now to say that you should have gone long ago but it is now pretty true you need to move on and it is not your fault that you need to move on....moving on does not imply failure it implies making progress towards new goals and dreams....so do not dwell on what went wacco but on where you would like to be in the future....new lives have started for many many people at your age and beyond....I got sober at about your age...little younger but talk about changing a life! We know it is going to be scary and I want you to take that bastard of a human to the cleaners in your divorce....get everything from him that he has left in life...don't give him anything to go forward with...allow him to start earning his way forward from ground zero....

we are here to hug you and give support when you need us...thanks for finding us....keep coming here and make some new lifeline friends for yourself from her forwards....do not look back except to see what was there that you now want to have with you like his car or his toolbox or house or whatever....

My husband left me with all of my savings last year. I felt like an idiot.
What helped me was writing it all down and hitting a lot of cushions. You are not a moron. You did the best you could.

Because you have two children, I would suggest you find an attorney and get legal advice as soon as possible.

It is going to take time but you will eventually heal and things will get better.

Please remember that you are not alone.

Having a disorder doesn't excuse his actions. You should have never been treated that way. I'm sorry to hear all of this. It's very unfortunate. You never deserved any of that treatment. Don't let how he acted make you feel any less. You're not a moron. You put up with so much and still loved him. That doesn't make you stupid or anything else. It makes you a compassionate, understanding, and forgiving person. That's why you didn't deserve it. He should have been there for you as much as you were there for him despite his disorder.

Though, not everyone with bpd is like that. He should have been coping differently than acting that way towards you. It is a manageable disorder. I say this as someone with borderline personality. I would never in a million years dream of treating someone the way he treated you. He had no excuse.

Oh geez that sounds awful. I am so sorry. :(

Your children will probably be better off without him. I hate to say that, but at the same time I always wanted my mom to just get rid of my father!

It is sad that you loved someone who seems to not have loved you back. The BPD is not to blame for the cheating and other behaviors. Those were his choices. I am very sorry for all of this.

You deserve to find someone who truly cares about you and loves you.

I'm so sorry for what you've been through.

Please don't think of yourself as a moron. You loved a man and believed him when he said he loved you. You supported him and honored your commitment to him. There is NOTHING moronic about that.

Aside from the two groups where you have already posted, this site also has a group for break-ups and divorce, and if I may suggest, there is also a group for physical and emotional abuse that you might find relevant. Just because your husband never hit you doesn't mean he was never verbally or emotionally abusive. What you wrote about your husband's "rages, mood swings, hostility and constant blame" makes me think he probably was. If so, learning about verbal and emotional abuse -- the patterns, and the terrible damage it can cause, could help you, I think.

Take extra-good care of yourself. You deserve to be happy and if he was abusive, he almost certainly would have never changed and in the long run you are better off without him, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.