worthless piece of crap is that husband of some poor woman who he wishes to cheat on....I am so sorry you had that happen Heretic...he was an ass...you of course should feel proud to not allow that situation to go on....which is commendable of any one...male or female...messing with people who are married is not good...spoken when I have a friend online and telephone who has had cyber sex with me who is married...bill is needing to follow his own heart on this one...

That situation is a trap for anyone who gets involved with it. Do not allow this to happen to you. Married men and women who cheat send the signal that they are not trustworthy in a relationship in the first place. I do think to help yourself get over the hurt is to turn your focus to something more positive for you.

I am sorry this happened to you. I hope you will feel better. Hugs.

I did, twice with the same man. I am just as much at fault, no one forced me to do it. At first I felt special, and validated. After, I felt like a receptacle.

Hi hun, dont be to hard on yourself, you were lonley and vunreable and though this man offered kindness when in facr he was following his own needs. put it down to a bad experience and perhaps a lesson to be learnt from.
take care.

do something you love and try to keep busy. lord knows how much pain i go thru every fuckin day. i wish u well

I am sorry:(

I "know" how u can get past feeling the hurt. Tell him to go pull an elephants tail.

The other way to get past the hurt is: Feel it, and cry it out til u r so sick of crying over it all, that u can just let it go. The way u r not effected anymore from something like this is to realize nobody is powerful enough to "make u" feel anything. Especially towards yourself. Everybody makes stupid mistakes. Just count this as one of those, and do the best u can to not repeat it.

Thanks to everyone who responded, I appreciate the care.
Crying it out is a good idea but my meds make it so I can't cry anymore. I just feel kinda sick inside. I'm hoping this feeling will fade with time and that I'll be stronger and wiser next time.

Dear Heretic,

He was just a user, he was never a true friend. True friends would never ask you to do something like that. I know it hurts now, but you are lucky to be rid of him. Sending out a hug.......
Angel

You did exactly what I did. I was very lonely and I thought I had a friend who cared, and he took advantage of that to get sexual favors from me. Then I got kicked in the teeth for it because then he got the case of the guilts and couldn't stand to have me come to the bar where he worked anymore. I made him "uncomfortable" so in the end I was 86ed from that bar & more or less publically humiliated.

He did use you just like this "friend" used me. You know what? Loneliness is a very painful thing. Shame on these people for taking advantage of someone in pain. You feel like worthless crap? Me too, and I have now for a year. How do we get past feeling hurt? I don't know. I wish I did.

Life is about learning lessons and sometimes the lessons really hurt. You can't change what he did, or that you made a mistake in trusting him. All you can do is learn from it and be all the wiser next time. You made a mistake. That's all. You are not worthless and you are not dirty or cheap. You are a normal human being who longs for companionship and caring just like everyone else. You trusted the wrong person to give that to you, that's all. If anyone should feel like crap it's this man who cheated on his wife and took advantage of you.

Pain is never pleasant. You want it to go away. You look for things to help it go away. That's really all you did. It was a judgement error on your part, getting involved with a married man. That was a mistake. Does it make you cheap, worthless and dirty? Hell no. All it does is show you were in a vulnerable, hurting place in your life and this guy saw this about you, targeted you because of it--and took advantage. Shame on him.

How to get past it? Have you made mistakes before that you've regretted? How have you gotten past them? Try to see it like any other mistake. You can't undo it. You can't make it go away. It happened. But you know what? It is in the past. It no longer exists unless you let it--unless you run it through your head over and over and dwell on it and feel bad. Best suggestion i can think of, and I need to do this too--try to let it go. Think of it as a heavy rotted branch of a tree falling into a fast running river that the current catches and washes away and out of your sight. It's gone. Let it go. Now the view of that river is clear and clean again. You can make today whatever you want--without that ugly rotted thing in your view.

Many hugs to you. Don't beat yourself up. You're an adult. We make adult mistakes. It's all a part of this journey called life. We learn the lesson and it changes us, and then we move on.