Where to start? I'm 34 years old, I live in a house by myself. I have friends and most of them are good, but when I returned from the military years ago, I was broken inside. I pretended nothing was wrong and still to this day put on a false face every time I leave the house. When it is time to come home I have mixed feelings. In one hand I like being at home, my own private part of the world, but on the other hand there's nothing there for me but loneliness. Part of this is my fault, as a defense mechanism whenever something is bothering me I hide it from the world, and because nothing ever appears to bother me I am always the first to be dismissed for any plans that were made. I recently started doing things with a friend but it wasn't long before she started to blow off any plans we had together. She had good excuses, until I heard her talking to someone else while at work and I can't help but think they are just lies. We were supposed to go out to lunch on Friday, but she needed to use her lunch hour to get some things from the store, which I later found out was a bottle of wine so she could get drunk that night. So we rescheduled for today, but she told me yesterday she had no money, so I offered to pay and still no, I found out today she went online last night and spent $500 on clothes, and our trip to the park today was also conveniently blown off. Really the only time she wants to hang out is when her boyfriend is a dick to her and she has to vent on someone. We have plans to go walking in the park, which I agreed to to help her get back in shape, but I think I'm just going to tell her I can't do it anymore. I don't mind helping but its completely one-sided and honestly she just makes me feel terrible all the time, no wonder her boyfriend is an ass.