I have always made friends very easily from a younge age, as I am outgoing and very kind and compassionate. However, my kindness has led me to make friendships that are not healthy. Everytime I think I am finally getting close with someone, or in a "group" they for some reason hurt me, or reject me when I do aboslutely nothing wrong. Yesterday was awful, I found out this group of friends who I had hung out with a bunch, until recently when they stopped inviting me (again for no reason), make fun of my finsta (fake instagram where I post funny things or how im feeling), and laugh at me and talk shit behind my back. To my face they act kind. It hit me like a brick, these so called "friends" I thought I had finally established turned out to be fake, manipulative mean girls. Not only that, but the worst part of it is my best friend, hangs out with them (thats how I know what they do), and she said she tells them it is mean, but that is all she does. She does not stand up for me, like I would do for her in the same situation, not only that but when she told me the heart breaking news, she acted like it wasnt even bad, more of just like an example of their fakeness at times. I almost broke down crying in class, but held it in and she did not even notice how I was feeling and did not ask me if I was doing okay later on or today. My best friend is an amazing person, but at times lacks awareness of others feelings, as well as has always been the girl who everyone jumps at the chance to be friends with, and has never been left out of a group or friend hangout in her entire life, due to this she does not understand my loneliness or sympathize on the level that I want and need from a friend. Right when things start to seem to be going okay, they crash and burn and I am left with no one. My best friend is my only close friend I can trust at the moment, and I feel left out and hated by my others school friends, at my practices for the sport I do, everyone on the team has a group of friends, while I have no one. I feel like I do not belong, and am never wanted. I am always either forgotten about, purposely not invited, or betrayed. This has happened to me so many times, it is getting harder and harder to stay optimistic and I can no longer trust anyone/allow myself to let people in, because of this. This also crosses over into my love life, as recently this seemingly great guy showed interest in me in a forward way, and was openly honest and sensitive, which I admire wholey. However, his forwardness scared me and I rejected him and we have not talked sense then. I am so afraid of not only being hurt, but hurting others since I know how that feels. I feel like I no longer have the ability to make healthy relationships, and that terrifies me because beyond feelings of lonlieness I also deal with mental illness and need a strong support group.