to bad that i can't be the man that everybody needs me to be. i'm going to be in this place for so long it's unreal. and irrational thought? maybe, but as of right now it's true. it was my b'day on sunday and i couldn't really appreciate it atleast not like a good person would have been able to. i i've been in this place for a long time and i just want to get out, ii want motivation, energy, coffee ,drugs, or whatever it takes to not focus on death. i'm a sad individual, maybe it's just my personaility, maybe i' suppose to be sad, maybe. Maybe i just wanted someone to text me, maybe i wanted a best friend for the end of the world, maybe i just wanted to tell me that they love me. gosh, it's like a curse to even mention that word and my name in the same sentence. i think emotions are the culprit, it's just another weakness i can add to the list. i feel so out of options right now, that i just want to start innovating some on my own, i just wsh i had powers to be better than the assholes out there.