I understand what you are saying. I have anxiety and depression too. It sucks. The loneliness is horrible. I feel very much as you do. It is a struggle. I hate it too. I wish there was a way to take this anxiety away from you. I understand the pain because I feel it.

I am so sorry for what you have been through. No, you are not annoying and ugly. You are beautiful and worthy. Most my friends have left me too since I began having depression. Loneliness is really horrible.

At seventeen, I know you can't see it yet but relying upon others to validate you as a human being is wrong on so many levels. You turning on yourself is the real problem. When I was in my late teens, I wanted nothing more than inclusion. Feeling like I fit in meant the world to me.

By the time was 21, I found myself pregnant. It suddenly hit me with the force of thunder that what other people thought meant less than nothing to me. I moved to a huge city, got a job and got lost in the crowd. Something strange happened. Once I let go of all that need for acceptance and began doing things that felt right and made me happy, people were drawn to me. This time they were people I had something in common with and people who saw me as an equal. Every now and then someone tries to slip into my life who is judgmental and disrespectful. I boot them out without a second thought.

I'm not rich, nor am I beautiful, or the sharpest tool in the shed. I'm just me. One day you'll realize that no matter what you or anyone else thinks, you really are fine just the way you are. When that happens, you'll feel like a monarch butterfly coming out of their cocoon. . Live for that day, because there is no better feeling in the world than spreading your wings for the first time!