I do believe everything does happen for a reason.  I try very hard to understand what exactly that is.  I think this stems from the chaos and unpredictability of growing up in a dysfunctional family (and home.) I have grown to hate and fear the unknown.

I am married almost 15 years.  For the last 10 i have been very unhappy with none of my needs being met. I got to the point of shutting down and simply going through the motions.

Then something did happen...someone else did flip that switch....suddenly I want to feel and experience all the things I never allowed myself to before.  I started chatting and sharing with a few others.....If I do step back, I realize I have learned a lesson from each one.I found myself actually looking forward to something again...continuing on further and possibly ...just maybe....being happy. But it is easy to try that here(hiding behind my laptop or phone).

I try to reach out and help others .  (Unfortunately, this does remind me of a warning years ago.  A very kind counselor did tell me...journaling can be an excellent tool to help examine and understand things.....It can also become an easy escape to distance myself from others.)  I was further reminded of this when I did come across a post of codependents and how the dysfunction and unhealthy beliefs from my childhood wil continue to effect my life until I work through them.

So, here I am, I think i know what i want but I am desperately afraid to try......afraid to fail, afraid to succeed, afraid that in spite of what i want it may not be what God has in store for me. (or even worse, that it is not what I deserve)

How do I get up the courage I need to reach out ,grab, and hold on tight as I do begin this exciting journey?

HELP      :(