SOUNDS like counseling is needed.....you should try it....it might help you with what sounds to me like a huge depressive life....

isolating yourself does hurt those close to you as well as yourself...it really is never the solution it appears to be.

You sound really overwhelmed! Life throws all these issues at us at once and it's so easy to get lost. I agree with Bill, counseling helped me look at my issues one at a time. I'm sorry you're having a hard time...hang in there.

I'm sorry you are having a hard time.

I'm 45 too and It takes time to discover who u r. You have to "let" yourself have that time. The best way to do that is by seeing a counselor, being in support groups like this, read, read, read, a lot of the posts and replies and most important, keeping the subjects of what you discuss in counseling and in your groups SEPERATE from everything else you talk about with your family and friends. This way you are handling both ends of your life "privately" the way it's suppose to be. Unless you have that "self privacy" in both areas, it will be very very difficult and will take a very long time for you to "find out who you are and go from there". One of the biggest mistakes people make is discussing their confidentiality (counseling and groups talk) with family and friends. It will ALWAYS cause more problems if you do. And "when" (not if) your family and friends ask you, "How did your counseling session go today"? The ONLY answer you give is, "It went good', even if it didn't, because, it's none of anybody's business how your session or groups go. And "when" your family or friends ask you, "What did you talk about in counseling and in your groups today". Don't say what i would say because, I say, "It's none of your damn business". So don't say "that" to them. Just be nice to them and say, "I'm sorry but all my counseling and group talk is personal that way I get the help I need for myself". And that's it. That's all u gotta say to anyone. If they keep asking, then u just repeat it til they finally lay off. Being nice about it like this, people usually accept and respect that, and will not ask u anymore about your confidentiality. "I" on the other hand, am in a stage in my life where I don't give a damn about handling things nicely. These days I'm tired of being nice.

I think you will start to make close friends after you get to know more of who u r and, therefore able to be yourself. Chances are, after you get to know more of who u r, you will get to like yourself more. And when u do, that gets projected out to people, and people will be drawn to u in order for you to have friends and keep them. When u know who u r and therefore able to be yourself, you'll be able to keep lots of friends and have best friends.

As far as your wife and money. Take ALL spending privleges away from your wife. Let her know very boldly that u will be handling the money from now on. If she gives you a problem then u know she is using you for "your" money because, (since I'm a female) my guess is, your wife actually "does get it", the financial mess you's r in, I'm sure she know it quite well how bad it is, IF you have already told her how bad it is.

It sounds like u r in a lot of grief and pain. I hope you consider the things I wrote to u about.

hi lostlife65, I am truly sorry you are feeling so low but I do believe that shutting yourself away from everyone will not solve anything but rather deepen the despair you are already feeling. As mentioned before, you might benefit from counseling, either individual therapy or even in a group, impressions and input from others can often be really refreshing and open up new ideas.
What most stood out for me in your post was that you did not know who you were and what your purpose is and that you had this feeling for a long time which contradicts a midlife crisis but hints more towards an identity crisis or confusion. In any case maybe it helps to write down the roles you have in society at the moment like i.e father, husband, ( your job title, your hobby like gardener etc etc) then maybe write down what you would like to be and last but not least see the difference between the two lists and what can be done to equal them out a bit. Latter again might be better done with the help of a therapist. If money is an issue and I think you mentioned that re debt you can also ask for debt counselling which a bank might be able to give you information of as to whom to contact. For a therapist see what your insurance covers and then again if that doesn't work many churches offer support groups. Your wife might even like to attend with you and then become more aware of the situation and help to support you.
In any case, I do wish you strength and the best and hope you discover your way soon.

hi there, it sound as if you have a few issues that counselling or therapy might help, do you have a close friend who you could perhaps discuss how you feel, personally i have learnt the mistake of bottling things up for years.

Hi lostlife, I really do not have any words of wisdom that others have not offered. I also feel like I'm having an identity crises because I'm 40 and I've been unemployed for 2 years, have no desire to continue in sales, have never married, no kids and need direction. Maybe you are beginning the empty nest syndrome because your daughter is getting married. This should be the greatest time of your life...you get to find new interests, hobbies and spend your money on you. I hope you can enjoy some part of it. I actally enjoy being alone sometimes so it isn't all bad but obviously not most of the time or I wouldn't be in the Lonliness Support Group. Defintely get help for depression before you make any drastic moves like leaving. If not therapy, then a little medication might help. BIG HUGS!