Loneliness Support Group
Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any...
Hello Everyone,
Im new to this forum and Id like to introduce myself; my name is Steve. Let me start off by mentioning that Ive been reading a number of your posts and I identify and empathize with everyone here. My heart goes out to each and every one of you. If anyone ever needs a friend with whom to talk, correspond or chat, feel free to contact me at anytime.
Im a man of 47 years. Ive suffered with loneliness virtually all of my life. As a child I had great difficulty assimilating into peer groups. I was at first painfully shy amongst other children; once I somehow managed to enter a group, Id shortly thereafter become ostracized. This social outcast status of which I was involuntarily relegated has followed me from Kindergarten to this very day. It seems that regardless of how I conduct myself, my social awkwardness shines through and people more often than not avoid extended dealings with me. Ive managed to make a few fleeting friendships over the years; Ive had several long-term relationships; Ive even married and ultimately divorced. Despite brushes with varying degrees of normal social existence, I always end up desperately lonely.
As the years cascade by, my choices in life increasingly narrow. Other than my parents, who live 100 miles away and a couple of distant true friends with whom I talk a couple of times a month by phone, I have no one. I am not an innately anti-social person; as someone put it in another string on this forum: sometimes loneliness chooses us. I know in my life this is indeed the case. Having normal social desires, I crave human companionship and cannot seem to procure it. Ive learned over my 47 years of life that you cannot force others to like or accept you. If people choose not to consort with you, you simply cant force them to do so. Getting out there and coming out of your shell sound like reasonable propositions to the casual onlooker; when someone like me continually tries with no results, eventually you simply stop trying. Insanity is defined as doing the exact same thing repeatedly expecting a different result.
I have strived incredibly hard to gel with people during the course of my life; unfortunately I am the proverbial stone which gathers no moss socially speaking. Despite efforts to become friends with a number of people I found interesting, things never seem to work out. Strangely enough, I am not an unusual or odd looking person. I am not abnormal in any way to the naked eye, either behaviorally or otherwise. I have good communication skills and am sensitive to other peoples feelings and needs, yet here I am.
I made a move five years ago because of a business proposition with a so called friend of ten years. Being foolishly trustful of people I placed my faith in this friend and invested in a business and moved over one hundred miles from family. Sadly, my trust was greatly misplaced and my friend walked away from the business, leaving me financially ravaged to the tune of over 100K. I am now am stuck in a remote area (beautiful as it is); the real estate market is abysmal up here and moving back to my home state is not a possibility at this point. I was forced to sell my first home up here at a loss due to the financial devastation, and had no choice but to buy and renovate a foreclosure property in which I currently live. While I now reside in a lovely home with plenty of wooded land; deer eat from your hands here; I am so isolated that I often cannot sleep. I often refer to my home as a beautiful prison.
As well, I know my loneliness has taken a toll on my health. Ive always been a gym rat kind of guy. Ive never let myself get too out of shape, never drank, took drugs, smoked nada. Nonetheless, Ive been struck with a string of idiopathic illnesses over the past decade, some of which can be potentially life threatening, all without rhyme or reason. I constantly battle with insomnia; I get tired, nod off and upon entering unconsciousness I am bombarded with an onslaught of depressing, worrisome intrusive thoughts which torment me back to consciousness. I hurt most after a literal rude awakening; I get out of bed and sit awake in the darkest hours of night alone and despondent.
I found this forum last week amid a long night of depressive insomnia and began reading some of the posts here. Im not ashamed to admit my eyes welled up more than once reading how so many of you feel. I wish I could dissolve your pain because I know precisely how intense and incredibly debilitating it can be.
Ive gone on long enough; I hope to get the opportunity to communicate with some of you in the future. Stay strong my friends.
Thanks for reading my story.
Steve
Im new to this forum and Id like to introduce myself; my name is Steve. Let me start off by mentioning that Ive been reading a number of your posts and I identify and empathize with everyone here. My heart goes out to each and every one of you. If anyone ever needs a friend with whom to talk, correspond or chat, feel free to contact me at anytime.
Im a man of 47 years. Ive suffered with loneliness virtually all of my life. As a child I had great difficulty assimilating into peer groups. I was at first painfully shy amongst other children; once I somehow managed to enter a group, Id shortly thereafter become ostracized. This social outcast status of which I was involuntarily relegated has followed me from Kindergarten to this very day. It seems that regardless of how I conduct myself, my social awkwardness shines through and people more often than not avoid extended dealings with me. Ive managed to make a few fleeting friendships over the years; Ive had several long-term relationships; Ive even married and ultimately divorced. Despite brushes with varying degrees of normal social existence, I always end up desperately lonely.
As the years cascade by, my choices in life increasingly narrow. Other than my parents, who live 100 miles away and a couple of distant true friends with whom I talk a couple of times a month by phone, I have no one. I am not an innately anti-social person; as someone put it in another string on this forum: sometimes loneliness chooses us. I know in my life this is indeed the case. Having normal social desires, I crave human companionship and cannot seem to procure it. Ive learned over my 47 years of life that you cannot force others to like or accept you. If people choose not to consort with you, you simply cant force them to do so. Getting out there and coming out of your shell sound like reasonable propositions to the casual onlooker; when someone like me continually tries with no results, eventually you simply stop trying. Insanity is defined as doing the exact same thing repeatedly expecting a different result.
I have strived incredibly hard to gel with people during the course of my life; unfortunately I am the proverbial stone which gathers no moss socially speaking. Despite efforts to become friends with a number of people I found interesting, things never seem to work out. Strangely enough, I am not an unusual or odd looking person. I am not abnormal in any way to the naked eye, either behaviorally or otherwise. I have good communication skills and am sensitive to other peoples feelings and needs, yet here I am.
I made a move five years ago because of a business proposition with a so called friend of ten years. Being foolishly trustful of people I placed my faith in this friend and invested in a business and moved over one hundred miles from family. Sadly, my trust was greatly misplaced and my friend walked away from the business, leaving me financially ravaged to the tune of over 100K. I am now am stuck in a remote area (beautiful as it is); the real estate market is abysmal up here and moving back to my home state is not a possibility at this point. I was forced to sell my first home up here at a loss due to the financial devastation, and had no choice but to buy and renovate a foreclosure property in which I currently live. While I now reside in a lovely home with plenty of wooded land; deer eat from your hands here; I am so isolated that I often cannot sleep. I often refer to my home as a beautiful prison.
As well, I know my loneliness has taken a toll on my health. Ive always been a gym rat kind of guy. Ive never let myself get too out of shape, never drank, took drugs, smoked nada. Nonetheless, Ive been struck with a string of idiopathic illnesses over the past decade, some of which can be potentially life threatening, all without rhyme or reason. I constantly battle with insomnia; I get tired, nod off and upon entering unconsciousness I am bombarded with an onslaught of depressing, worrisome intrusive thoughts which torment me back to consciousness. I hurt most after a literal rude awakening; I get out of bed and sit awake in the darkest hours of night alone and despondent.
I found this forum last week amid a long night of depressive insomnia and began reading some of the posts here. Im not ashamed to admit my eyes welled up more than once reading how so many of you feel. I wish I could dissolve your pain because I know precisely how intense and incredibly debilitating it can be.
Ive gone on long enough; I hope to get the opportunity to communicate with some of you in the future. Stay strong my friends.
Thanks for reading my story.
Steve
I can relate to much of what you say. Despite growing up never feeling lonely, the older I get, the lonelier I become, and the less I understand my life.
The "brushes with normalcy" especially resonated with me. More and more, anything "normal" or good in my personal life is short-lived, and followed by enormous pain.
I wish I could come feed the deer with you.
You sound like an interesting and worthwhile person; you express yourself incredibly well. Who knows what the answer is as to why you are continually an outcast? I have no answers for myself either. (I'm not a total outcast yet, but my life seems to be headed that way, and I just don't understand it.)
Welcome to DS. I hope you will post again.
Hugs to you.
Thank you my friends!!!
Thank you so much for your lovely sentiments, complements, the much appreciated hug (hug you back) and your meaningful empathy.
My heart goes out to you for what seems to be a gradual shift in your life towards hurt and forlornness. Id sincerely like to know more about what has brought you to where you are now; what changes have taken place in your life which may have altered your path?
I share your pain WMH; I too am intimately familiar with the injurious bite loneliness can inflict. As I compose this reply, I sit alone in a darkened room at nearly 4 am having awakened from a brief, restless and tormentful sleep. For me, its these hours which I find the most difficult to endure. I do however often make use of this time, writing and doing work on the PC rather than slipping deeper into despair.
I really appreciate and relate to your statement about understanding your life less as you get older. I too question my purpose on this Earth, who I am, and I struggle to comprehend the hard, unrelenting lessons life imposes as the years drift by. It seems so many people know who they are (or at least believe they do) and appear to have their life paths illuminated for them to follow whereas a small number of us meander unguided through life without a compass.
As for the outcast thing, I do have a pretty good idea of my issue; in fact I have it pinpointed; unfortunately its something Im not quite sure how to express in this forum or resolve simply. I can tell you that my (lets call it my social impairment) is as real as the keyboard on which I type. And its not something fixed with Prozac or by riding a therapists couch for years on end. As for you feeling youre earning your outcast wings, I hope you never succeed!!
I will say WMH, that I havent lost all hope by any means. I am however increasingly challenged as the years quickly advance; the accompanying pain is often difficult to bear as you know. It seems as if life is passing me by at warp speed and Ive been relegated to being more of a spectator than a participant in it. In many ways I feel cheated, shortchanged - not unlike a penniless, starving soul whose nose is longingly pressed against the outside glass of the buffet of life. (I believe I coined the preceding metaphor - at least I think I did! Forgive me if I use it again somewhere in the future; it befits my life so well I cant use it only once!) ;-). BTW, yes, I have a sense of humor; you may eventually find me to be a somewhat jocular character despite my brooding.
Oddly enough, I am a problem solver: both in a technical sense and for other people in business and in life. Ive received countless thanks from individuals Ive mentored whove applied my advice and resolved or improved personal and/or business issues.
How ironic is it that I can help others with resolute clarity, yet here I sit alone in the dark unable to help myself? Life is quite the enigma isnt it? Theres a lesson buried in all of this somewhere; I just cant find the manual ;-).
Nice to correspond with you! Hope to communicate soon. Feel free to contact me anytime!
Best,
Steve