"I don't feel I can go back to him"

Write a new chapter in your life. We're behind you.

I have never witnessed a real change in an abuser, however, I've heard plenty of confessions and quite a bit of blathering about how horrible they feel. My question always turns out to be, "If you feel so bad, then why don't you DO something about it??" Not a single one has ever answered that question.

He KNOWS he's lost his victim....so he's going to do whatever he can, say whatever he thinks needs to be said in order to get you back.

Your feelings are clear...."I don't feel I can go back to him." Something inside of you KNOWS going back would just bring you more misery. Forgive yourself for throwing in the towel and walking away. Pat yourself on the back for choosing to move on. And then rebuild your life according to YOU and only YOU. He's a big boy. If he is truly remorseful, he'll take steps to improve his life...without you in it.

I'm with the other two replies!
I went through that feeling too, many times, with my ex.And mnay times over the years when he could see I was close to leaving he would cry changed and better, and it would be, for a few days, weeks, a month here and there. But everytime I agreed to try again, everytime it got better for a bit, it would get way worse afterwards. Like he knew I was that much more hooked with him, hooked on the dream of how it could be. And I realized, he can't help it, and he can't change his family. If after ten years and a child born of their blood, they still treated me like a stranger in my own home, that wouldn't change. And I know he was sorry, and I know in a twisted way he loved me too, but I also know I deserve better love then he could give. And I finalized my divorce.
Because we share a son, and custody there of, after he got done being angry and bitter about my leaving, we are freinds. No sly rude comments, no crying and begging me back and saying he's changed, etc. We get along better now then we did for ten years of being a couple. And I wouldn't change that, I will never be more then his babies momma, cause we are better off that way. And added bonus? His family is not my family anymore, and I don't have to deal with them unless I choose to, and as soon as they are rude, I kick them out or leave :P
Good luck making your own decision here, but there is my experience. I wish you the best no matter what you decide!

I do not think abusers change. My ex told me the same thing, it didn't last long.

Abuser can change. The key is they have to want to change. But it is a long process.

I don't believe abusers change>
Why now, why at this point.
Why not during the 27 years of life together, when I'm sure you complain, explain, cry, beg, ask for etc, etc.
Why now?
Because of what?
Lightening strike?
Sorry, but I can see that way.
They have every opportunity to be human.
They choose not to...........
so why to do same thing all over again and expect different result?
It's definition of insanity.
Sorry, but I just have to put my three penny in to.

Abusers rarely change. I think it's something like under 2%! 5 weeks isn't nearly long enough to make permanent changes. Even if he went to see a therapist every day for 5 weeks, it isn't long enough to undo 27 years of abuse or prove he's changed. Abusers are very good at manipulating people, including therapists to make them think they've changed. But as soon as they get you back, they go back to being the same as they were before the 'changed.'

Besides, he had 27 years to change and didn't! He's only saying that to draw you back into his lair.

Love doesn't hurt. Abusers are not capable of the kind of love that is caring & respectful of another person. They only capable of self-love.

Can abusers change? I think it's more likely that they know how to put on a smiley face and pretend. Or how to be nice during the honeymoon phase of a relationship, then they quickly return to their natural state, which is what they know best. They are very good at making phony apologies, in order to lure someone back into their lives.

My really good friend gave me some good advice and said Tigers never change their stripes. After going back and forth with a man for 6 years I know in my heart and soul he will never change. One big sign is his relationship with his children, parents and sibs. Also, he said really nasty stuff to me and "I was just kidding". Really. Another sign I just learned about is he is always a victim. God willing I will never let him into my life again. I have 1 more piece of financial business with him that will end soon. And guess what he wont' give me my dog back. THEY RARELY CHANGE.