Sorry you are having a bad time right now. Seems you are mourning the loss of what you wanted your marriage to be and that is why you are focusing only on the good times. This is not totally bad but you have to be realistic and remember the entire picture including the reason that you are divorced. Also, your ex moving on has now finalized your relationship even though you were already divorced. So here comes the roller coaster with all of the emotions and down you go but just hang in there it will get better. Try to focus on what you need to do for you and go with the flow of your emotions 'and this too will pass'. Wishing you peace of mind.

Thank you Gwinnie, it doesn't help that he has made some of the changes that I had tried for years to get him to make. He's becoming the person that I needed him to be now that we're divorced. It's agonizing to sit back and watch.

My ex re-married three weeks after our divorce and it appeared that he had changed- like getting a full time job and keeping it, paying bills, taking trips that we never did. In fact I severed my relationship with my step daughter (his daughter) because she would give me updates on how well he was doing with the new wife. This hurt me to my core and at times I couldn't stop crying for more than 5 minutes. My sister and His Aunt stood by me and reminded me how initially he was treating me the same way but after two years into our marriage he showed me the real him. About a year ago I ran into his daughter and she attempted to tell me how he had reverted and begged me to be in her life again.I have worked too hard to get back to me including many sessions with a physciatrist, depression meds, loneliness, mourning, etc. You see I was his 3rd wife which he failed to mention until after we were married.

My point here is that while it appears he may have changed you cannot look back too long, do your mourning and move on so that you don't get stuck. I know how you are hurting and you must go through this to move on. So cry, talk about it but take care of you try to do something to get your mind off this i.e walking, hobby. If you are not in therapy consider doing so, it helps you to move forward. Also come here to vent as much as you need to. Wishing you the best.

I've been feeling the same way lately, so I guess it is normal. I really hate missing him! I know that he is not good for me and that our relationship has been permanently damaged due to his actions, but yet I catch myself thinking about the good times we had...they were so wonderful and it hurts knowing that it's all over. My ex has also made some of the changes I asked him to make (not all, he still has a long way to go) so I know what you mean.

I think it might just be a part of the grieving process. I've been going through this for three years now and from my observations, it's like a pendulum swinging back and forth between emotions and that, hopefully :), in time it becomes less dramatic and eventually reaches some sort of equilibrium. Unfortunately, I don't think there are any shortcuts. It just takes however long it takes.

Of course, there are things we all can do to make the process a little easier or more painful (I'm sure we all know the drill - take care of ourselves, get some exercise, seek out people that make us feel good, etc.).

As far as thinking about the good times, I am torn about that. My ex and I had some really wonderful times. He make me laugh like no one else ever has. He is a good man in many ways. I loved him like mad and I believed he loved me. There is a deep longing in me to go back in time to that couple that we were and I think that is what hurts so much. I know that we have gone beyond the point when we could put it back together agian, so the only way I could really have him back would be to turn back time. And we all know that can't be. We can only live going forward.

Once I think about this for awhile, I just have to put it away, stop looking at the pictures of happier times, stop thinking about him as much as possible. I have to turn my attention somewhere else, to something I can do instead of thinking of something I can't do.

I'm sorry you're hurting, Yolo. You're not alone.

Chatoyant, that is exactly how I feel! It's good to know that I'm not the only one.

It was horrible to collect the photos of ex and myself as youngsters in love, engaged, getting married and laughing with family who are no longer alive.

But you either constantly grieve over them or put them away.

I wouldn't destroy them, as I'm sure our adult children or their future kids will want them one day and they will know that the love that created them is in those faded photos, despite all that may have happened since.

Life is constantly changing, despite our imaginary secuity and perhaps that is something to value everyday, as tommorow is the unknown, the past... memories

Yolo I recently joined this group and was looking at prior posting at came acrossed yours. After reading yours I can totally relate. I was married 28 yrs and divorced my husband but wished we could have worked it out. My reasons for the divorce is bc he would purchase big items like property, cars, loan others money without discussing things with me. He is an only child and received a nice inheritage. We never did without and seemed to always have the best of items. I blame his college buddy for talking my ex into being partners of many pieces of property. We lost a lot of money 2008 and I never thought we'd survive. Went to counceling one time together and he walked out and said it wasn't for him. I now wonder if he didn't want to face up to the many money mistakes he made. After our 2 kids moved out of our 3500 sqft home all I wanted to do was down size and travel. He found property in 2007 and built a 5500 sqft home. It's sad but I was so depressed knowing it's going to cause really bad money problems in which it did. The market crashed in 2008 and mortgage, utility bills, taxes on properties weren't being made. It was so frustrating finding out all these outstanding bills by opening the mail. Most of the properties were sold at a loss or taken by the bank. Not knowing where we'd be within months it scared me. He just never wanted to discuss any of these things with me. If my sister didn't offer for me to move in with her I would probably still be with him. Now I wish I would have stayed. He has had a gf for the past 4yrs and is living with her and seems very happy. I have my own place but alone and sad. This may sound silly but hearing music that was popular when married I get really down. We both are in love with music. He really is a good guy just didn't know how to communicate this information. We had some great times. My 2 daugh 31 & 27 like his gf which is fine but I want it back the way it was before we divorced. It will be 5yrs next month that I've been divorced. Has anyone had a similar situation where you feel you regret getting divorced? What will it take to feel better and forget about the past? I really miss him and the good times we had when we did :-(

I feel the same way, I can really relate to your comment that you see the changes he has made that yo tried for years to get him to make. I get sad because I feel that the OW is getting to enjoy the better part of him that I fell in love with years ago in the first place. Mid Life is CRAZY!