Hugs my friend. He checked out long before the separation and divorce. He could have had her waiting in the wings too. As for you dating, You should be focusing on healing. They say it takes one year for every 4 years of a relationship to heal. It took me almost 6 years. Take as much time as you need. When you see him, smile, turn around and walk away. Do not converse with him unless it regards the kids. You do not owe him anything. That would burn him more than anything you can say or do

Oh, well thankfully I was the one who ended it. He was an abusive alcoholic and I warned him about 5 times he needed to get his crap together or I was leaving. Finally I left. Should have mentioned that, sorry. Good tips on the interaction, I will try to use it!!

I ended it too. He was and always will be a closet alcoholic. I was married almost 25 years. You will be fine. Just look after yourself, be gentle and loving too.

Thanks!

I think when you are the one who leaves it makes it a tiny bit easier. It was a bit easier on me but I was determined to get my Procedure as the ex called our divorce. Yes, he was a very high functioning alcoholic among other things.

Don't rush the dating. If it's going to happen it will. I'm not the one to give advice on dating. I've been divorced almost 11 years and I will never remarry let alone date. Keep up with the EMDR therapy.

Thanks, I am not necessarily dead set on ever getting married again. Trying to be patient with myself. Maybe I am just bothered by the fact he is happily dating again.

Really, let him be, his true colours will come shining through sooner or later. It is all a mirage for now. As you well know that it is not his true self that he is showing now. As my late mother used to say "a wolf will lose his fur before he loses his habit." As for him happily dating, I would love to be a fly on the wall to see what is really going on behind close doors. Smile and be happy Our best revenge. hehehehe I saw my ex and he exploded because I just smiled, turned around and walked away. Heads up too. At the mall buying a top that I could not find at a thrift store.

Welcome. It really does depend on who does the leaving. I have been divorced twice. The first marriage lasted 18 years and I initated the divorce. He was, still is, a narcissist bull.y. I never looked back. My 2nd marriage I was totally on the other side, he left me after 7 years of marriage....ouch. Have been divorced 4 years, no contact with him for 2 years. I have dated three guys since the divorce thinking I was ready. I wasn't, still aren't and I wonder if I'll ever be ready or even want too! Being alone isn't so bad, most of the time. You'll know when you're ready and just take your time. It's a scary place out there so keep your eyes opene and watch for RED flags, both of which I didn't do prior to my marriages. I'd rather be single and alone then trapped in an unhappy marriage. The hard part is done, it's time for us to spread our wings and fly!

As for him now dating, she can have him, right??? His true colors will come out soon and she will be the one dealing with him. Enjoy your new found freedom, even tho divorce is a hard, sad and emotional time, we deserve better and there a still some good guys out there (at least from what I've been told, wink wink) Good luck and learn to be happy in your new life. Try and not worry about him, he doesn't deserve any of your thoughts or emotions any more!!!!! Hugs.

As the others have said focus on your healing. Remember you're not going to have a great day everyday. Like my mom always said sometimes you got to make a mess to clean it up. You may have to shake the Etch A Sketch of your life and start over with a new way of thinking. I left my alcoholic abusive ex 2 years ago and haven't look back. He's now regretting being ugly to me and his life is falling apart but that is on him. We no longer need to pick up their pieces because we should be too busy rearranging our own. As to dating perhaps it just shouldn't be a concern. I also had those thoughts in my head about dating and relationships but I had to let them go because every time I thought about a relationship it made my stomach turn. When we've gone through this trauma the only relationship we really need to worry about is the one with ourselves and God. Enjoy your time just being you and never apologizing for it

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