Life After Divorce Support Group
This community is dedicated to starting over after a divorce. With the marriage over, how do individuals begin a new chapter in their lives and what hurdles do they face? Divorce is often one of the most traumatic periods in a person's life. Studies show it is the second-most stressful event in life, after the death of a spouse.
Hi everyone, my wife and I separated in December 2009 and eventually divorced in November 2010. We broke up because of her cheating on me and other things. I was devastated and struggled for several years. There has been very little to no contact with each other since then. Suddenly, a few months ago she contacted me and wants to be friends. She wants to know that I'm happy and doing well. She doesn't want me back or anything like that. She already has a steady boyfriend and lives 1500 miles from me. I would like to be friends (or at least civil with her) but she just cannot understand the pain she has caused me because of the lying, cheating, and abandonment.
I guess my question is: How can I help her to more closely understand where I am coming from? Is there a book, an article, or anything like that and I could have her read, so she might be able to more closely take into context my pain and reasoning behind being unable to forgive and forget at this point.
Any help would be greatly appreciated, thank you. :)
I guess my question is: How can I help her to more closely understand where I am coming from? Is there a book, an article, or anything like that and I could have her read, so she might be able to more closely take into context my pain and reasoning behind being unable to forgive and forget at this point.
Any help would be greatly appreciated, thank you. :)
Why do you want to be friends with her. She obviously cheated and lied to you. Ask yourself why you would want her as friend.
Chances are she already knows on some level, or she isn't capable of understanding (hence her cheating in the first place) or she just doesn't want to. Otherwise, she would already understand and would have sincerely apologized.
If you have kids, then. IMHO, it is imperative that you forge an amicable relationship w/her so that the kids don't suffer.
If you don't have kids, then I would say work on your healing. That would include forgiving her and yourself. All forgiveness is for the forGIVER, not the forgiven. But that's where I would draw the line. Forgiving isn't forgetting and it's not about being friends. Just because you forgive doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with her.
I agree w/momto, why would you want to be friends? I can't help but wonder why she even wants to be friends. What purpose would it serve either of you? The most logical reason for you being friends w/her is that she could take it as a way of sweeping what she did under the rug. Not saying that's a for sure conclusion, but it's definitely something to consider.
I know I could never be friends with my cheating ex.