Are you asking about friend-friends or dating-friends?

Have you contacted your local library to see what kind of groups meet there? I live in a small town and was surprised to find many different groups meet at the library. Some are library sponsored like lunch w/books & many are private groups. Also check the listings in your local paper. My local paper lists group meetings (over & above AA, Alanon, etc) once a week in the living section. You could call your paper & ask is they have such a list & if so when/where in the paper it is published.

Volunteer at any of your local arts (theatre, symphony, etc.). Not only will you meet people, but you'll get to see the performance for free. :-)


I decided to start by making same gender friends first. In the beginning, all of my friends were my DS friends. I made some of my best friends here on DS! I've met two of them in person. But it takes time & effort to build a friendship here in the same way it does IRL.

I only had one local friend at the time of my divorce & she wasn't all that good of a friend. I made what most thought was a rather strange decision to not seek out new friends until I did some major therapy. My reasoning was that I didn't seem to be attracting all that good (or healthy) of friends. It was the right decision for me because since doing the intense therapy, I am now making new healthier friends & we are on similar paths.

At this time I am still working on me - finding &/or rediscovering myself, learning new things & still in therapy. I have no desire for a romantic relationship right now. I want to fall in love with ME. IMHO, if I don't look w/in for love first, I will never find it outside of myself. AND even more important, if I don't work on my 'junk in the trunk' I will never have a successful relationship w/another person. I believe that's why 2nd & 3rd marriages have such a high failure rate. Of course, that's just my opinion, and I could be wrong. :p)

I was thinking friend-friends. The library group thing is a good idea and the newspaper - I'll give that a try. It would be a lot easier if I loved golfing or hunting around here, lol. That's just not stuff I am into, though. I also like your idea about same gender friends first. After the first breakup 5-6 years ago I met most of my friends through dating but it's hard to keep women you met through dating as friends later when you get into a relationship. Last time I wanted to get back out and see people but this time I want friends (not hookups and not relationships) - the kind that stay around whether I'm in a relationship or not.

I think that's a very healthy attitude. :-)

You mentioned changing churches....are you open to checking out different denominations? The reason I ask is that each church has a different makeup - some are mostly married, some older, some mostly married w/young kids, some w/more singles. Many churches have men's groups. You may not have to change churches to join a men's group. Also UU churches are non-denominational and tend to have (at least in my area) a good number of men of all ages.

One more idea...someone mentioned taking classes. Check out adult ed at your local community college. I'm a bit older than you, but my local adult ed sponsors all kinds of "retired/seniors" activities. Turns out they really don't have a "minimum" age so anyone who wants to participate can. They offer lectures, book reviews, all kinds of interesting class (even a golf class, lol) as well as field trips! The prices range from free to hundreds (for a several day trip) but are very reasonable.

I know I mentioned this in my previous response, but I want to add one more thing about making friends here on DS. For me it was a good way to learn about trust (esp. self trust), boundaries, and give & take in a relationship.
I was surprised to discover that the tiny conservative town I live in actually has a growing community of alternative (i.e. more spiritual, higher consciousness thing) thinkers. You just have to ask around to find out about various discussion groups.

I have tried different denominations in the past. I think I'm trying to decide what approach to take this time. Last time I had a huge church and a singles program but divorced singles didn't seem particularly welcome or included. The church now is smaller and local and is including me but I haven't found a way to turn that into friends outside church events but maybe that will come with time.

I'll have to think about adult ed. Maybe there's a way to improve my resume and meet people at the same time. :)

I made some good friends on DS after my first breakup but they are spread all over the country. Same problem with work - my team is spread out. If I had a helicopter, I could have a great social life, lol.

Not sure what part of AL you live in, but I am surprised you say there aren't any decent meetup groups if you are in a fairly well populated area. I live in the Atlanta area and there are so many and such a variety, but it has taken a while to sift out a few good ones.

I have found hiking groups on meetup or even hiking groups outside of meetup are a good way to meet nice people. Also I took up kayaking and have met some wonderful, fun people through that. Maybe you can find a new hobby or leisure pasttime you enjoy. But making friends does take time.
Just a thought, is there anyway you could get to meet people who are new to the area, or maybe even start a meetup group yourself along those lines? Because they would be very keen to make new friends and get to explore the area, I know because I am an import from a different country and it is tough when you are new to an area.

I'm in a similar boat myself. About in the same age bracket. Over the course of a 5+ year marriage, most of my friends are gone because my STBX didn't like them or didn't want to do activities with them as a group. It was okay for me to go hang out with them, but I'd have to go alone, yet that would get used against me later.

Seems like you have the right idea. May just have to widen the search distance, perhaps having kids that makes more difficult I don't know your situation. Use facebook to reconnect with old friends ? I'm looking at meetup as well just to get social again, church activities for singles/divorcees for a serious relationship when the time comes. The currently separated or recently divorced status is an instant turn off to the type of women I'm trying to attract and I get the reason why, so all in due time. I'm ditching the online dating plan but that's just me.

Outdoor activities that don't involve killing animals is a good idea. Hiking, biking, there is some very excellent white-water rafting close to your area in Tennessee and north Georgia., if that sort of thing interests you. Outfitters get the groups together and there's always a wide variety of people on the excursion.

I am not familiar with your area, but I am surprised there aren't more offerings on meetup.com

You could always start your own meetup group, you know. Whatever interests you have - book club, gardening, biking, whatever - there have got to be some other people who enjoy that too. Classes, library, community centers, newspaper events, etc are all great ideas too.
Best of luck.
Peace :)

I agree taking classes is a great idea. Try signing up for livingsocial, groupon, and amazon local; they will email you every day with classes and fun activities in your area, and they're all at discounted prices! Volunteer work is an EXCELLENT idea, too. And walking your dog is always a good way to meet people (if you have a cute dog!)