I get it .... I cried all the way home from work on Friday cuz I realized ... I really never had those things. Almost instantly he alienated me, from my family, friends etc. while he did what he wanted. He told me that I didn't deserve the things I wanted. Compassion, romance, encouragement. He told me I was lazy, ugly, a disgrace. I no longer hear those words from his mouth everyday however they still bounce around in my thoughts, 24/7. So lonely is a way of my life. If I can't feel good about myself, who will ever look at me with love.

Find a hobby. Go for a walk. Join a gym. You'll find friends or even someone to share your life with. It will take some time. That's what they keep telling me. Good luck to you.

thanks cm..I belong to a gym at work and I just need to get my butt over there-for more reasons than one. I used to read alot but my nfocus has been off for a good while. Trying to work on that because reading has always been a huge part of my life. Trying to get back in to church. Waiting for the pool to open so I can swim laps-that has always been good therapy for me. Little by little. I felt pretty much settled by this time in my life. Instead it's all fruit basket turnover. I know I will get through it.

You have to preplan your weekend. Preplan your holidays so you don't have a lot of time on your hands.I still have to preplan for holiday weekends. Divorce is hard and the only way to get thru it is just to do it. One baby step at a time.

cm my ex isolated me too while he chased other women. I was married 33 years and life is good for me now. I'm not hoping for anyone in my life. I'm enjoying living by myself. I can come and go as I please. No one to tell me I can't do what I know needs to be done.

I can tell both of you that your lives will be better than before. You just need time to put this behind you.

trish...that's true. my life is way better than before. I have more money, my finances are in better shape, there's less stress. Everything is better except that one area. I feel foolish whining about that when the rest of my life is really good. I went on my first cruise. I don't know why, but a fun side to me that I never knew existed has started coming out and I enjoy that. I know I am trying to push myself thru this as fast as possible. In the last 3 years: my mother died suddenly, my dad immediately went in to dementia and I had all of that to deal with, 3 of my pets died, my marriage died, and then my dad died. So much loss-almost everything I had. so much grieving. I try to rush it and it can't be rushed. Baby step: 2 steps forward, one step backward. I will get there eventually. thanks.

Give yourself time. You have been through a lot! This experience is the next worse thing to experiencing a death of a loved one. You will need time to come to terms with these major changes in your life. Then, you will have more clarity in what journey will will embark on, and with whom. John

You cut yourself and it heals, but if it's bad enough, you are scarred. The scar may fade but you know it's there & it's how you can live with it that makes the difference.

The anguish and emotional pain lingers, but after a while, instead of being about him/her and the hurtful things they said, you know you're better off without them and the sadness is for how it COULD have been.

There's someone for everybody and life is too short to stay a victim. You've obviously turned your life around and no matter how much we think we're prepared and plan for this and that, life deals another wake-up slap.

I guess we have to appreciate and show love to those who deserve it and those who shun your love, aren't worthy of it

New routines, ways of living and different people in your life is great :-) xxx

I tired following the advice of keep busy, plan your weekend, holdiays etc.. and it worked at first, but then a weekend comes where you have no plans.

You also have to learn to just live with you, PVR some shows, grab a bottle of wine and just learn to enjoy yourself on your own.

Of course I cried almost every weekend the kids were gone for the first year, and I still tear up as his car pulls out of the driveway with them 18 months later.

But I am healing, I am learning to live on my own without the kids and I'm not doing it by constantly keeping myself busy.

You do need to get out, see friends, meet new people but its all a balancing act.

As for the way you define yourself, I'm still trying to figure that one out. I hate to say I'm divorced (I'm sure I will get used to it), I also don't like to say I"m a single mom (kids have a dad and he's pays his support and takes them on his weekends) so I don't see myself as a single mom. I have help its just not full time help.

I still feel like a 3rd wheel whenever I do go out with friends, and I just told my family I am not coming to Easter this year. My kids will be with their dad, I am just not ready to spend a weekend with my siblings and their wives and my nieces and nephews. We always go away together for the 4 days, and I just cna't face it yet.

It truly is one step , one day, one holiday at a time, do what feels right for you.

I have been divorced for 5 years, separated for six, and alone the entire time. At first I missed some the stuff you talked about. I really dont anymore. My life has become so full I really dont know how a signifiant other could fit in. I am busy with my childrens activities, my own activities, church, family, clubs, hobbies, entertainment. I have found that I really dont have time. there are those lonely days. That is why I got a small dog. A crazy hyper Jack Russel Terrier. I am not lonely anymore. If and only if a person drops into my life then changes can be made. But for the time being "My life is FULL"

Give yourself time just as the gentleman's post stated. You need to re-invent yourself, and learn to live a single life. You will become more comfortable over time. Change is never easy. You will have plenty of time for a relationship. Be comfortable with yourself first. Do not rush it. Thanks, John

Thanks all. I appreciate it. This weekend has been horrible. I feel like the whole world has caved in on me. Just some issues I'm dealing with. I'm so very sad. I'm in the process of getting new hearing aids which will help me go out and about more confidently. Once I get those I am going to make myself go to church. There was a time when church and those activities were the center of my life. I'd like to get back to that. Making 2013 The Year of Me: new hearing aids, contacts/glasses, some much needed dental work, etc. going through a difficult spell right now and I know it's gonna get worse before it gets better. Taking my meds, going to therapy. Doing what I can. Making myself get out of the apt. When it gets warmer and the pool opens I will be over there alot because I like to swim laps. I just feel empty. I don't know if I have any strength left in me. I'm so tired. So very very tired.